[loveccl]

Its amazing the things we hear and where we hear them. Thursday night in class (CNA Students) this girl (18yrs) told everyone she was pregnant. We all said how scarred we were when we found and I being the only birthmother mentioned the decision I made. A few moment latter she said every one was asking her if she was going to keep it especially her employer. She said her responce to her employer was "Its not a puppy I'm not going to just give it away". Its now Saturday and I'm still hurt. I have to finish the next 4 weeks with this girl and then I hope I never see her ever again. Today I wore a t-shirt to class that has my son's picture on it. I made sure to tell everyone that "see hes not a puppy". I bring this up because it really hurt me that people think thats how easy the decision is. I never once thought of it like passing out puppys in front of the grocery store. I honestly hate her ignorance and stupidity and her lack of common compassion after I had just told her the decision I had made. I'm not sure if anyone else has ever been faced with this sick metaphore for adoption so I thought I'd mention it.

Darcy

[debsdone]

Darcy, I am sooo very sorry that someone's careless words hurt you like that. Please don't take it to heart, it is ignorance talking. Love, Debi

[vicrose]

Darcy, Sometimes people say things without thinking. Don't take this hurtful saying to heart!! Sincerely, Brenda....

[Carmelita Drake]

Hello Darcy
You have enough hurt to deal with as it is, don't let what the girl said continue hurting you, maybe if she knew about all the mothers who have lost their children through adoption. If she could read the stories on adoption search, she would be more understanding. She probably forgot that you don't have your son, maybe it's best not to mention it to people who hasn't been there. If you don't know yet, there's a great support list at ccbm for women who tell their stories, they are all the same, with lot's of encouragement and empathy. You can sign up and join soon.
Go back to class and just be yourself, don't show any resentment towards the girl. Take care
Carmel

[moonlightentity]

I am an adoptee and I NEVER thought that my birthmother made a light decision about putting me up for adoption, never thoguh tof myself as a 'puppy' just given away.
My question is: Why would we treat any life like that??? I understand how people treat and view animals and I know this is an adoption forum, not an animal rights forum. But, I would like to point out that it is my adoption that has given me my point of view. Does anything alive and feeling deserve this kind of callous treatment, especially those who offer such unconditional love and support.
Please note that I am not trying to trivialize your feelings and I agree that a comment like that could be very hurtful to you a bmom who has gone through all the pain of giving up a child. From me an adoptee, please know I am grateful for all my bmom did and hope on eday to meet her. I know I would not have the courage to do what you bmom have done for your children. I commend you.
I think we, as humans, should start being more humane to all living things upon this earth. Here in my home with my 2 dogs, 2 birds, 4 pet rats, fish and turtle, I know the truth... life deserves respect. All life.
Thank you for th erespect you bmom have shown your children by trying to find them good and loving homes where they could flourish. It must be the hardest thing to do on earth.

[KilleDowns]

As an adoptee, I am hurt by the comment as well. Growing up when I told people I was adopted, the most common response I got was "I adopted a puppy once" I cannot believe how many people look at adoption like that. I hate that people try to compare adoptees to puppies. I am still a human being and still have loving parents. Anyway, good luck on getting through class with the girl who thinks I'm a dog.

[moonlightentity]

The original post was by a woman who was offended by a callous comment made to her. In reponse there have been posts that put dogs and puppies down, insinuating they are not 'alive' with 'feelings' or 'needs'.
I must say that I expected to find here humans who are more humane than, perhaps, the average; seeing as many of us have had decisions made for us when we had no choice or understanding. Many of us suffer the consequences of these actions....
I would appreciate us not continuing on this thread of dogs are not as important and move it over to addressing a woman who was hurt by a comment made by a young girl.
From what you said, (in initial post), I don't think the girl meant it as a personal attack, and her comment/feelings may have been addressed better with a comment like 'it's not a chair'.
Thank you

... One can measure the greatness and the moral progress of a nation by
looking at how it treats her animals" ~Mahatma Ghandi

And from Shakespeare: (*word jew replaced with animal, cristian with human)
I am an animal. Hath not an animal eyes? hath not an animal paws/hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, suject the same to diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as a human is? If you prick us do we not bleed? if you poison us, do we not die?

[debsdone]

I am sorry, but I don't see the anti-dog sentiment here at all. The pound refers to "adopting" a dog, so the analagy is based on something sound. I have never had a furniture salesmen ask if I would like to "adopt" a chair. I think the comment was fairly simple, people have dogs who have puppies. they find homes for the puppies. so, "adoption" comes into play. People have babies and should keep them because they aren't puppies. this isn't about actual dogs or puppies, nor did it declare them as anything negative. What the heck is the problem? The support and sensitivity here has and should continue to be directed towards the birthmother who was hurt. To take issue with the term "puppy" isn't appropriate as it is simply the offending comment that was in the original post. I hate to see this turning into something so totally off topic. Debi

[dpen]

To Loveccl, I do understand you being hurt. I don't think that young girl meant anthing by it. Especially towards you. !8 year old kids are notoriosly insentistive, not because they are bad but alot (not all) are still in the "its all about me" stage. I was there myself (a long time ago!) and I can remember saying some preety awful things and having no clue what effect it had on people. I cringe when I remember. She may be pregnant but she probuly has NO idea on whats to come. Maybe if approach her and explain nicely, she will apoligize. Just a thought.

[dkb60]

Unfortunately, some young women who find themselves pregnant consider that child like they would a "puppy" or a baby doll. They don't fully understand the implications of raising a child. On the ssurface it seems easy. But in reality it is the hardest job anyone ever does.
D

[bbdudley]

To loveccl, I am so sorry that people say those kind of things.

In my opinion, as an adoptee, I would have said the same thing back to her: "It's not a puppy. You don't just on a whim decide to keep it because 'it's your's'. You have to be committed to the next eighteen plus plus plus years and you can't take it to the dog pound when you are done with it." (no puppy disparagement intended )

Yes, it's not a puppy, and that's why you, loveccl, made the difficult decision that you did.

I have the greatest admiration and thanks to my birthmom (whereever you are, you blessed person) and to all birthmom's out there who chose to give us nine months of their body instead of killing us before we began. And then showing us the love to give us what they thought was a better opportunity in our lives. Whether you were right about yourselves or not, you all believed what you were able to provide for us was different than what you thought that your child deserved. And you wanted all of us to have everything that you, as a loving parent, thought your child deserved. Cheers to you for being that loving and selfless.

[Birthmomxs2]

Aww I am so sorry to hear this, and I definatley know how you feel. The baby isn't a puppy, and I never called my children "it's" during my pregnancy. I always refered to them as the baby, he, or she.

When people look at adoption as a way of a birthparent to get "rid" of the child, or to undo her mistakes, they are looking at it in the absolute wrong way.

I wish everyone understood. Some people really irk me!

bella marie

[loveccl]

Well tonight in class I saw her and I couldn't help it. I had to let her know what she said was wrong and not acceptable. So I had printed off my post and two others that I folded up and gave to her with a little note that said I was hurt by what she said and was letting her know so that she wouldn't hurt any other birth mothers with her sick metaphor. No hard feelings good luck being a mom. She got mad and yelled and and said she still believes its like giving away a puppy. We agreed to disagree and I left class knowing she'd never for get me or the stupid things she said. Sadly I'll never forget how she hurt me.

Honestly I protect my self as a birth mother and never share my story with strangers out side of the adoption community but I thought should she choose adoption I would let her know it was ok and I was there to answer any questions. After this experience I doubt I ever do that again.

Thank you all for your support. I am a proud birthmother with great friends like you to support me .

Darcy

[vixta]

Hello,

I had the puppy comments through my pregnancy too. I found out at five months, and so was a bit freaked out. A selection of the comments made were:

It's not a puppy
You WILL regret it, i don't care what you say now, and it will torture you for the rest of your life
You would change you mind if you saw it
You would change your mind if you saw it more than once
This isn't like owning a cat - you can't just give a kid away free to good home just because you can't be bothered
The child will hate you for giving him away
You won't be able to get a job because people will think you are a slut
If you ever have kids the social services will hassle you because you have already proved you are an unfit mother

and blah blah blah. Just remember - they are the small minded idiots who cannot possibly consider any other opinion apart from theirs to be at all valid. You are a better and bigger person than this, as because we are birth mothers we have had to look at every argument (if we agree or not) to make our decision.


Loads of love, and i hope this girls grows up and develops another brain cell.

did i overreact?

Love to all,

vixta

[sspete]

Darcy--I am So sorry you had to endure this. Nothing angers me or disturbs me more than a child trying to make another feel "guilt" for the decision they made. It is a sad state to me when little girls try to raise children because they don't want to "give them away like puppies". Raising children is a hard job. I am a bmom to a 19 yr. old and a mom to a eight and four year old. It is a twenty four/seven job. I give it everything I have. So therefore, it is not easy. In my opinion I do not believe children make great parents. At 16, 18, or heck even 22 I knew I could not be a very good mom to my child. I choose to give her up for adoption. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do!! Please don't let unkind words from someone hurt you. You are a terrific mom who cared enough about your baby to forget about yourself. That is more than MOST can say--I promise. Hold your head up high, and know who you are. You made a good decision!! You are in my prayers!! spete