[moon_orchid7]

Hi, I'm new to this forum, but I needed a place to express how I am feeling. The adoption of my baby boy was due to him being an unexpected pregnancy, I was 18, single (relationship with "father" being a BAD one), and wanted the best for my baby. I knew and still know that it was the best thing for everyone. He has wonderful parents, he's very happy. But I miss him so badly. There is a great void in my life. I was wondering if any of you had any words of advice. What have some of you done to help your grievances? I would appreciate it a lot.

[GinnyBinny]

hey I am a birthmother with an open adoption. My son is now a year old. The first couple months were the hardest for me. I had difficulties adjusting to not being mommy any more and learning my new identity of birthmother. What helped me the most was talking about my feelings and writting in my journal. The first couple weeks I talked to people at my agency that have been with me through everything. They were really helpful. Another thing that helped was I started new things and kept my self busy (with out ignoring my emotions). Another big help for me has been being involved with adoption. I told the agency I had been with that if they had anything I could help with I would love to and soon after they asked for my help. They wanted me to talk to a girl who was close to the end of her pregnancy and needed advice and wanted to know more about what open adoption was like. Then a few months ago I heard from an organization that was wondering if I could go to one of their informative meetings on adoption. It was for people who were interested in adopting and wanted to know all about it. I spoke to a group of people and told them about open adoption and gave them a perspective from a birthmother. Not many of them had ever met a birthparent and knew very little about them. Being involved has really helped me. I just recently found this forum and have also found it to be helpful. On my real bad days I will just sit back and go through my reasons as way I did adoption and think about how wonderful it has been for my son. I think about his smiling face and that really helps. Well I hope the best for you.
-Ginny

[hippiechick]

I am the birth mother of twin girls, born Nov. 2001. These are ways I have began resolving my grief:

1. Make a scrapbook of your baby, with pictures, memorabilia, and written prose about your baby

2. Dedicate music (a certain song) to your baby. Send a copy of the song to the aparents

3. Share your photos with people you know--let them know it is okay to talk about your baby.

4. Get counseling. Period.

5. Talk it out and talk it out and talk it out and talk it out and talk it out and talk it out and talk it out and talk it out....and talk it out

6. Get some kind of mother's ring or necklace w/ your baby's birthstone in it

7. When people ask you if you have children, say yes. Then depending on the situation, explain to them briefly that you are a birth mother

8. If you have an open adoption that allows you to visit, do it

I am really into tangible ways to resolve grief--things that are physical evidence that you had your child. It's been 15 months since I placed for adoption, and the pain is lessening. Time marches on and it gets better.

[sspete]

I know you miss your baby SO much!! It is very strange to carry a child-go to the hospital-give birth-and then come home as if nothing has ever happened. It is Hard!! I survived it by knowing that my baby girl was being well taken care of and loved so much. I knew this, and I never doubted that she was where she needed to be. However, I longed to hold her and tell her that I loved her. She was So beautiful and perfect. I have held that image in my head for years. That has been 19 years ago, and I never stopped loving her. You will always feels a big hole in your heart--I don't believe that goes away. I do believe that you make a vow to be the best mother you can be when the time is right!! I now have very small children and they are my WORLD!! I still love my first baby very much. but I was only a baby giving life to a baby. I hope that you will find peace in knowing your bson is loved, and that one day you will know him. Continue to work with young people headed for the same heartache you have experienced. This is where I find a lot of healing!! Bless you!! Know my prayers are with you!! You are not alone!! spete

[kittkatt31]

Moon_orchid7,

I completely understand your pain. I too just gave
my daughter, Hayley, up this past January. She was 15mos.
old and has a special need. For various detailed reasons I
could no longer give her what she needed, despite my best
efforts. If you need to talk to someone you can pmessage me.
Or email me at my home email.... Keep your chin up.

Diane Methvin
(HayleysMommy)

[londar]

i know that right no you are in alot of pain. i relinquished my daughter in december of 2002. i promise that things will get better. i have been getting involved with my agency also and plan to talk to some couples who are looking for information on adoption. i think it does help to talk about it. counseling is also very important. good luck. londa

[bnsheerose]

Hi! I also can relate a bit to what you are feeling. I won't deny that I cried many nights, missing her. One of the things I do is talk about her. I found that when I bottled it all up inside, it hurt me more and delayed the beginning process of healing. One of the other things I did was to include her in my mother's ring. Even though she has new parents, she will always be one of my daughters. For me, that was a little bit of closure. It's there in front of me, on my finger every day. I also dedicated a song to her and my other children. Now, I see her not only in a picture, but also in my heart and know that she's near. God Bless!

P.S. Don't ever let anyone "rush" you into their version of healing! We are all different! It will come in time and in your own way! Hang in there!

-Cat

[Lauren41303]

i completely understand the pain you are going through--in fact, you might be better at dealing with it than i am--i just had and placed a baby boy 3 weeks ago. if you EVER need anyone to cry to, i'm here for you. if you ever want to just talk about how wonderful your child is, that's great, too. i will be here for you in any way i can. i can only imagine that you sometimes feel like i do--angry, confused, and just downright sad. it will help to surround yourself with people who understand (or at least try their hardest to understand) and are willing to let you grieve as you see fit.
don't hesitate to write if you need anything.
laurengros@earthlink.net


Lauren