[tammra]

I have to say that I am very frustrated right now! I feel that I have no right to be.

My son, I gave up 10+ years ago he is 11 now but I had him with me for 6 months. I am going through one of my search phases and have come up with nothing at all which is very frustrating to me. I really really need to know that my son is doing okay.

The adoption was semi/open...I was able to meet the aparents and they sent a few letters after the adoption. I thought that I knew the general town they are in but I keep coming up with nothing at all.

I called the adoption agency to find out the exact day that the adoption was finalized and they don't want to help me. They just keep giving me the run run around...you need to talk with so and so and they can't help and they keep passing me around. I also wanted to know if they would forward a letter to the aparents or if there are any letters in the file from them and they don't know. How in the Heck can't they know? Is it that hard for these lasy people to get off their butts and look? I would really like to send the aparents a letter for a few reasons. One to let them know about some medical issues that I have with one of my children and i have unanswered questions.

I just really want to scream right now! I have combed through each letter I have from the adoptive parents, consulted with a friend who is a crime investagator and he told me to stop looking for my son but stat looking for the afather. The afater owned his own construction business at the time of the adoption. I also know that my son is going to a lutheran school...the same one the aparents went to growing up. So, I went to a website that had the owners of the construction businesses in the area tha tI thought thay are at and don't come up with anything...well I can't find the afathers name. I then decided to look in general areas and not limit myself to this small town and still came up with nothing. I looked through about 200 records. I have been to a few of the church websites but if the area is wrong then I start from scratch.

I don't want my son back and I don't want to disrupt their lives at all. I simply would like to see that my son is doing well. As easy as that. Do to the fact that I am now 750 miles away from where I placed him for adoption...it is harder to look otherwise I would have started visiting the churches.

I go through this phase now and then that I just feel the need to look. It is very frustrating to me and I feel very lost. A part of me is missing. The good thing is this....I ran his social security number (the one that he had before he was placed for adoption) and he is not on the death list so he is still alive or should be. Then, I think well maybe his aparents had his social security number changed. I have ran a check using his social but come up with nothing. Don't his parent have to file taxes and use his social? Geezzz!!!Somedays.....

I am so sorry as I am venting, I am just really struggling right now with things. thanks for listening!
Tammra

[yeidikey333]

Hi tammra. Im sorry you are having a hard time finding your son.
Im not a birthmom but an adoptee. But I still know what you feel, the part of you thats missing. Even though I found my birth mom, I still feel sometimes sad because I need to hug her, hold her.
But hang in there, Im sure that some day you will find your son. If you have faith, and have a little patience (I know its hard!!!), everything will be just fine and with the help or our Lord in a couple of years you will be holding your son again.
Good luck!
(hugs)