[Courtney Frey]

A while back we got into a thread regarding finding your innocence again after relinquishment. How, if it's possible, we can find ourselves again in our child-like, free-spirited, state of existence.

About six months before Christmas I was out shopping at Walmart and passing through the toy aisle I saw something that made me let out a little shout of glee. Care Bears were back!

There was only one available, Share Bear, and it came with a short video. I picked him up off the shelf and examined him. I didn't remember them being so small ... but then again, I was a lot older. I smiled ... remembering the Christmas that me and my sisters and cousins all got Care Bears. I remembered how much I loved mine ... how I'd spend hours curled up with my Love-A-Lot Bear in bed in my room, alone.

I had my children's Christmas lists and was tempted to get my daughters a Care Bear. But I knew they weren't into them. So I decided to put Care Bears on MY Christmas list. I asked for Love-A-Lot and Grumpy Bear. To honor my emotions and to "balance" them! lol

I knew it was a silly request and my family told me as much. I didn't care ... I wanted Care Bears. I was so excited come Christmas Eve when all of our family gathered. I only had five things on my list this year - one of them Care Bears and the Care Bears were what I wanted the most of all. I tore through all of my presents, anxious to get the Bears. But then, hours later when all the presents under the tree were gone ... I suddenly realized ... I hadn't gotten my Care Bear.

I felt like a 5 year old. I was so disappointed. I was even a little hurt. I put on the best face that I could the rest of the night but inside I was devestated.

Two days after Christmas I decided .... I would go get my own Care Bears. I set out shopping. Four hours and five stores later .... nothing. No one had Love-A-Lot or Grumpy. Finally at the last Toys R Us a young man saw me searching the aisles and asked if I needed help. I was almost in tears!!! I told him my story and how I really needed those two specific bears. He asked me to follow him to the back of the store where he got on the phone and started making calls. Ten minutes later he'd found my bears! Love-A-Lot was at a BabiesRUs about twenty miles away and Grumpy Bear was in Denver at a ToysRUs - two hours away.

He told me that he could have them shipped in but that it would take up to two weeks. I just smiled, gave him a huge hug, and told him ... I'll go get them now.

It took all day and into the evening but I came home with my Care Bears. Sure, to most there just stupid bear toys for children. But for me .... they were more than that. They were all the days and months as a child when something like a stuffed bear could make all the difference. And I'd found them, and brought them home.

Retrieving our innocence ... finding our way back to free-spirits and carefree days ... exposing the vulnerabilities within us after being so ripped and torn apart by loss and pain ... isn't something that others can do for us ... even if we ask. It isn't something that just happens when we want it too ... sometimes we have to go looking for it and be willing to go after it no matter what.

"Love-A-Lot Bear believes in the power of love, but is not afraid to help it along. She's a pretty and perky bear who loves everything about love and tries to make it grow wherever she goes." (From the tag on her arm)

"Grumpy Bear frowns a lot - that's his way to show us how silly we look when we frown too much. He also shows us that it's okay to be grumpy sometimes. But even when we're grumpy we're still loved, and we're reminded of that by Grumpy Bear's tummy symbol: a rain cloud with heart shaped raindrops." (from Grumpy's Tag)

[reneetaylor]

Hi Courtney. Congratulations on your new Care Bears! I totally understand where you are coming from, and I am glad that you got what you wanted for Christmas... even if you had to buy it for yourself. I have found as I grow older, that I never quite feel the age that it states on my drivers license and birth certificate, and I still get such joy out of simple, childish things. What is it about us that makes us want to hold on to that innocence of childhood, especially when it may not have been that good or that innocent?

Through reading some of your posts, I know that we have a lot in common, so I can only share that as a child, I think we all feel a particular connection to an item, and that item evokes strong feelings of safety for us. A "security blanket" that can be a particular toy or stuffed animal or object, etc. that we may have found peace with as a child, and now as an adult we are still searching for something to give us that same feeling. Luckily you found the Care Bears.

When I was little, I would sneak downstairs and curl up with a blanket near the base of our Christmas tree and just sit and dream that I lived a different life. Now as an adult, I still love to curl up and watch the colorful lights, but now I have my husband and daughter to snuggle with and a menagerie of pets, so it is so much sweeter and so much more peaceful.

Enjoy these little Care Bears, or anything else that gives you pleasure, and don't let anyone minimize there significance. They are important for your inner child's happiness.

I've always felt so sorry for all those people out there who are so worried about what others are going to think about them, that they are afraid to enjoy life. It is up to us to recognize and embrace all the beauty and peace that God surrounds us with. That is one good thing about having children... they allow us to remember the beauty of life and nature and the simple things that make us happy. I've even introduced my daughter to some of my favorites, such as an ice cream cone dipped in Chocolate from Dairy Queen!

Renee

[Courtney Frey]

Thanks Renee for that encouraging and supporting post! I can envision you sitting around with your family and all those pets, enjoying ice cream cones dipped in chocolate ... how wonderful!

It's an effort most of the time ... but bringing the child within to life always rewards my life as an adult. It's amazing how many amazing things happen when I stop to play a while.

To Care Bears and Chocolate Dipped Ice Cream Cones!

Court

[Skye Hardwick]

Courtney,

You must be my long lost twin ...when I just read about your Care Bear adventure, I let out a little laugh -

You see, I love 'em too! When I found out they were out again, something inside me felt like a kid again. I went on a quest ..and of course, telling my family that I wanted to get them for Emily and Isaiah. So, I found a few figures for three dollars at BabiesRus and got three. They now are on my computer desk ....but, often Isaiah comes and snags one and yells
"Bee-are"

Then a few days before Christmas I went into Hallmark and found all the stuffed Care Bears I could want ...So, I grabbed a Wish Bear, a Funshine Bear, a Bedtime Bear, and a Cheer Bear ....and they all grace my bed!

I still have my Birthday bear from when I was seven years old ...the year my parents got divorced. It's all ratty looking, but it holds a lot of memories.

Now, when they remake the old My Little Ponies, you know I'm on that ....the newer ones look stupid. I was an advid collector.

Thanks for sharing your story! Glad to know I'm not the only one!

Skye

[Resseda]

My nine year old niece begged and begged for a Care Bear this past Christmas! The other thing from the same time I see is out is Strawberry Shortcake. I still have a couple miniatures on my bookcase.

And along the same lines as Courtney's original post, this year, my boyfriend's mom bought me a 10 in 1 Atari thing from I think QVC. Same controller, everything is programmed in it, just plug it into the AV jacks. I played it for HOURS on Christmas Day. When I got it, I was so excited, I could hardly wait to play it. As my boyfriend looked around for batteries for it, I read the box..."Enjoy the games Mom and Dad used to play! Get to play the classics!" and all I could think of was, "when did almost 27 get to be so OLD??"

Ress

[shirleyville]

I am grinning from ear to ear!!! :-)
I am an adoptee, and I have never had children of my own, but I have a three year old God Daughter (who is also adopted) -- her mother is my best friend, and when I "came into their family" I was DELIGHTED beyond BELIEF when I found an entre family, adults included, who still find comfort and magic in what we choose to call "little friends"! Even before their daughter was born, these two adults had a room FULL of stuffed animals.....each one with a name and a personality, and a little "voice" that could tell stories and make you laugh, even at your most "down" moments!
Two years ago, when my God Daughter was just over a year old, my best friend and I got out a digital camera, and made up a "birthday story" for her husband, using ALL the "little friends" in pictures to illustrate the story about a birthday "Tea Party" in his honor!! We had "little friends" in the kitchen set up with baking pans and flour-splashed faces, making a cake, and "little friends" wrapping presents, and little friends setting the table......and in the end, a giant "parade" of little friends that stretched all thru the house, as they came to the festivities!
It was the most fun I think I have ever had........and my friend's husband cried like a baby as he read his own, personal, illustrated birthday story!!! It was the coolest thing EVER!
All of this has made it "okay" for me to feed my own inner child.....and I have SEVERAL "little friends" now, who reside at my house! I have a wonderful bear that sleeps with me every night, much to the chagrin of my husband ;-) and I can't imagine my world without all the "little friends" who make the journey of life more joy-filled!
As a side note, my little God Daughter asked for the following items for Christmas this year.....Lincoln Logs, Barrel of Monkeys, Cootie, High Ho Cherry O, and pick up sticks!!! ALL of which I played with as a little kid!!!! I had more fun than a person ought to have a right to buying them for her!!!! :-)
Thanks for the smiles!
Sally

[jlcwc92300]

hello all! reading threw these post made me feel good. I'm not the only one that seen these "old" things coming back and was HAPPY!!!!!!!! i miss the care bears and my little ponys!! rainbow bright is the next one i'm waiting to see. my girls love playing w/ some of the ponys they have out now but there just not the same! and to shirleyville- my husband was looking in to being a truck driver so he bought me a BIG bear to sleep w/ when he wasn't there, even when he is the bear is most the time too!!
well heres to not growing up to fast and all of our childhood fav.!!
Joy

[shirleyville]

As much as my husband grouses about the "little friends" floating around the place, I know he at least understands somewhat about the "connection" to security. I broke my shoulder a couple of years ago, and found myself in the hospital for a week. When I came to, after surgery, the day after it happened, I found my husband asleep in a chair in my room, and my bear in bed with me!!!! He had gone home after it for me -- without me even knowing!
Amazing how much attention the bear received from Nurses and Doctors alike!! No one seemed to bat an eye at a 30-something year old woman with a bear in her hosiptal bed!
Thanks for this thread!! It makes me smile! :-)
Sally

[Courtney Frey]

Why is it always easy to remember the painful things in our past and difficult to bring the good memories to surface? How is it that we can instantly feel insecurity and fear as if it hit us straight on without a seconds notice and yet we must make a real effort to connect with joy?

What I remember ... is not as important as how it impacts the choices I make today.

What I remember ... is only as strong and powerful as I allow it to be.

When I first saw the Strawberry Shortcake memorabilia that came out this year again after lying dormant for so long I immediatly remembered the morning after when I caught my great grandmother stripping the bunk bed I'd slept on of sheets and throwing away my ripped Strawberry Shortcake underwear, and everyone avoiding me the next morning when my Uncle was no where to be found. I saw the small doll on the shelf and was frozen, unable to move, with anger and fear ... remembering every detail as if it were happening all over again.

When I first saw my Care Bears again after so long I felt the emotion of a child on Christmas morning when she finally had a friend who would love her and play with her unconditionally. But I don't remember the details ... I don't remember actually getting one as a child .. though I know that I did. I remember the feeling. It is a happy feeling.

Though it is often an effort to pull the innocence from the depths of my unscathed spirit it is worth it. If it is found in bright colored bears, or dolls with braided and tangled hair, or even in games of old ... then these small inexepensive things become riches and I become wealthy if but for long enough to gain worth in who I am.

So I will grab a ribbon and dance around the Maypole, even if it means I go around a hundred times before I am able to laugh. I would rather invest in the things that bring joy and laughter into my heart than those things that keep me tarred and feathered, stuck and afraid.


Loss does not require us to loose ourselves forever ... it does require growth, honor, and respect ... and the knowledge that in all things, good and bad, it's not the memory of them that matters .... but instead ... what we choose to do with them.

In the end of the movie Spirit, after he has suffered everything that was forced onto him and nearly died several times, after he had lost everything he loved ... he still fought. He still believed. He still had faith. Breaking free from being a prisoner in a battle camp .... he's not angry. He's not afraid. He's not even resentful of the things that happened to him. As he runs free from the enclosed walls in which he was captured there is a smile across his face .... his mane rushes in the wind, his hooves gallop fast and hard and as he heads towards the sun he only says ...

... I was going home.

And that's where I want to go, everyday. Home, to where I began on this earth without a scar or a mark ... where I laughed and played without a care. Home ... to my innocence.

[reneetaylor]

Beautifully said Courtney!

[Courtney Frey]

Got this from my sister today ... thought it would be so appropriate here!

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was
> > > >asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most
> > > >caring child.
> > > > >
> > > > > The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor
> > > > > was
>an
> > > >elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the
> > > >man
> > cry,
> > > >the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his
>lap,
> > > >and just sat there. When his mother asked him what he had said to
> > > >the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him
> > > >cry."
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > * * * * * * * * * * * *
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > Teacher Debbie Moon's first graders were discussing a picture of
> > > > > a
> > > >family. One little boy in the picture had a different color hair
> > > >than
>the
> > > >other family members. One child suggested that he was adopted and a
> > little
> > > >girl said, "I know all about adoptions because I was adopted."
> > > >"What
>does
> > > >it mean to be adopted?" asked another child. "It means," said the
>girl,
> > > >"that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy."
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > * * * * * * * * * *
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the
>doctor
> > > >looked down her ears with an otoscope, he asked, "Do you think I'll
>find
> > > >Big Bird in here?" The little girl stayed silent. Next, the doctor
>took
>a
> > > >tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, "Do you
> > > >think
>I'll
> > > >find the Cookie Monster down there" Again, the little girl was
> > > >silent.
> > Then
> > > >the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her
> > > >heart beat, he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Barney in there?"
> > > >"Oh, no!"
>the
> > > >little girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart. Barney's on my
>underpants."
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > * * * * * * * * * * *
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > As I was driving home from work one day, I stopped to watch a
> > > > > local
> > > >Little League baseball game that was being played in a park near my
>home.
> > > >As I sat down behind the bench on the first-base line, I asked one
> > > >of
>the
> > > >boys what the score was. "We're behind 14 to nothing," he answered
>with
>a
> > > >smile. "Really," I said. "I have to say you don't look very
>discouraged."
> > > >"Discouraged?" the boy asked with a puzzled look on his face."Why
>should
> > we
> > > >be discouraged? We haven't been up to bat yet."
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > * * * * * * * * * * *
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > Whenever I'm disappointed with my spot in life, I stop and think
>about
> > > >little Jamie Scott. Jamie was trying out for a part in a school
> > > >play.
>His
> > > >mother told me that he'd set his heart on being in it, though she
>feared
> > he
> > > >would not be chosen.. On the day the parts were awarded, I went
> > > >with
>her
> > to
> > > >collect him after school. Jamie rushed up to her, eyes shining with
>pride
> > > >and excitement. "Guess what Mom," he shouted, and then said those
>words
> > > >that will remain a lesson to me: "I've been chosen to clap and
> > > >cheer."
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > * * * * * * * * * * * *
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > A lesson in "heart" is my little 10 year old daughter, Sarah,
> > > > > who
>was
> > > >born with a muscle missing in her foot and wears a brace all the
> > > >time.
> > She
> > > >came home one beautiful spring day to tell me she had competed in
>"field
> > > >day" - that's where they have lots of races and other competitive
>events.
> > > >Because of her leg support, my mind raced as I tried to think of
> > > >encouragement for my Sarah, things I could say to her about not
>letting
> > > >this get her down, but before I could get a word out, she said
> > > >"Daddy,
>I
> > > >won two of the races!" I couldn't believe it! And then Sarah said,
> > > >"I
>had
> > > >an advantage." Ah. I knew it. I thought she must have been given a
>head
> > > >start... some kind of physical advantage. But again, before I could
> > > >say anything, she said, "Daddy, I didn't get a head start... My
> > > >advantage was I had to try harder!"
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > * * * * * * * * * * * * *
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > An Eye Witness Account from New York City, on a cold day in
>December:
> > A
> > > >little boy about 10 years old was standing before a shoe store on
> > > >the roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering
> > > >with
>cold.
> > A
> > > >lady approached the boy and said, "My little fellow, why are you
>looking
> > so
> > > >earnestly in that window?" "I was asking God to give me a pair of
>shoes,"
> > > >was the boy's reply. The lady took him by the hand and went into
> > > >the
> > store
> > > >and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy.
>She
> > > >then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. He
>quickly
> > > >brought them to her. She took the little fellow to the back part of
>the
> > > >store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet,
>and
> > > >dried them with a towel. By this time the clerk had returned with
> > > >the socks.. Placing a pair upon the boy's feet, she purchased him a
> > > >pair
>of
> > > >shoes. She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to
> > > >him.
>She
> > > >patted him on the head an! d said, "No doubt, my little fellow, you
>feel
> > > >more comfortable now?" As she turned to go, the astonished lad
> > > >caught
>her
> > > >by the hand, and looking up in her face, with tears in his eyes,
>answered
> > > >the question with these words: "Are you God's Wife?"
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > * * * * * * * * * * * *
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > SEND TO ALL WHO LOVE AND CARE FOR CHILDREN
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > "We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go,
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > we take a little of each other everywhere. --- Tim McGraw
> > > > >
> > >

[BMlaurie]

Courtney - i was absolutely tickled pink by your care bear story! I saw my FAVOURITE in Walmart before Christmas as well...CHEER BEAR! I told my older sister who was with me that I was going to ask mom to buy it for me I scouted her out in that big store and BEGGED her too. She was wondering why the heck i was acting so ridiculous but she did buy it for me! We were planning on going to Mexico for Christmas but had to cancel. My cheer bear ended up being the only christmas present i got. And i couldn't be happier with her

From HER tag:

"Cheer Bear is a very happy Care Bear who helps others see the birght side of life. She will sometimes even do a cheer to help make someone happier. Wherever she goes, Cheer Bear wears a symbol of hope and happiness - a rainbow."

p.s. i absolutely loved your kid stories

[JORDANMODE]

A return to innocence

Hmm ... I do not think I ever left ... Maybe a lil more jaded with age but as for me I still sleep with a "blankie" I have teddy bears EVERYWHERE ... some from when I was little and some I just got last month .. I also collect carousel horses .. the BIG ones .. and antique rocking horses .. on each one is a teddy berv "riding" I have Beanie Babies .. and every ficus tree in my house has "MONKEYS" hanging in it .. My house is full of "TOYS" amyway it IS FUN AND COMFORING TO RETURN OR HOLD ON TO "The age of innocence" sometimes it is the only thing that makes being an adult fun ... and then we can buy our own toys and "stay up late playing with them whenever we want ...

Big Smiles to you Courtney and all the other "KIDS" that posted here

[loveccl]

Court,

First off I really need to be catching up on my reading for school. I just had a feeling I might have missed a great thread while I was busy with the holidays. I am so happy I checked and found this one.

You all forgot to mention my best friend. His name is Howard the Hound Pound Puppy. A name I gave him at 7yrs old. Howard is my best friend and will always be with me. I have made many wishes that he come to life like the velvetine rabbit. Everyone who knows me has met Howie. He comforted me when I was pregnant,and filled my arms on the emptiest of days. Next to the pictures of my son he is my most valued possesion. Crazy I know to love a stuffed dog so much.

I had a job about a year ago as a hostess at a steak house. I sat this woman and her daughter and I noticed the little girl had a pound puppy in her arms. When I asked about it her mother told me is was hers as a child and now its her daughters. One day I will let howie fill the arms of my daughter as she will then fill mine.

So when my arms fill empty and my heart fills heavy I grab howie and watch "Beaty and the Beast". Once upon a time life was less chaotic.

Now I must pass this class, Darcy

[Courtney Frey]

Like Pound Puppies and Cabbage Patch Dolls ... I never thought twice about their significance ... both "adoptable" childrens treasures.

Thank you so much for writing about Howard ... he got to me. lol

I can see, through this post, how important it is that we take the time to find value and joy even in the little things that may not, at first, seem so important. How it doesn't necessarily matter how or from what we recieve comfort and love ... just that we do.

What an important step towards healing! To seek out these things that return to us love and to cherish them ....

Your post is beautiful. Thank you.
Courtney