[Mihija]

Dear Laurie, Rosemary, Gail, Allison, Marie, Penny, Becky, Dawn, and all other Birth Parents, Adoptive Parents, and Adoptees,
I know this is an old post, but I'm am very touched and saddened by the pain in your letters. Though abortion wasn't a morally acceptable choice for me, and keeping the baby was not a possibility, I do understand your desire to STOP this lifelong agony we, as birthparents, suffer from. This is not said, to minimize the suffering of adoptees or adoptive parents. I know they have their own crosses to bare as well, though I am not qualified to elaborate on those. This is from the perspective of a woman who chose life, for her child and a life sentence for herself.
When I signed the adoption papers, releasing my daughter to her new parents, I understood that it was NOT a temporary custody agreement but a lifelong forfeiture of my parental rights. What I did not understand was that I had just condemned myself to a lifetime of heart-wrenching agony.
I don't believe, that when you said you wished you had an abortion, you were wishing your birth children dead(as some have intimated). I think, you were trying to give an indication as to how much you were suffering and wanting that all-consuming pain, to STOP!!!, before it breaks you. That, I truly do understand!
This is not the plight of a birthparent looking for sympathy but that of a bone-deep and unending grief, that birthparents suffer, in order to give their babies the chance at something better than we could give them. Many have speculated, on the reasons we were pregnant, when we couldn't parent our children but none of that really matters, at this point in time. The fact stands, that we were pregnant, and we chose life and now feel the anguish of that decision. As for myself, I rely on my faith and my family to pull me through when nothing else will. I feel great remorse for those who don't have that to fall back on. Even still, at times, I feel as though I'm being punished, for loving my baby enough to give her the chance, of a better life with someone else. I sence that from a world in which many condemn me, from the parents who refuses to share any part of the life that I so trustingly gave to them, and from the daughter that rejected me to keep from hurting her parents.
Why does it have to be a choice?! Why do we make our children decide between between different kinds of love? Isn't the human heart capable of loving, without qualifying the amount or type of love it gives? I'm trying to believe that it can but there are moments that I'm not sure. I have read, that God will not give us more than we can bare. If that's true, then we, who are affected by adoption, must be much stronger than we are giving ourselves credit for. If somehow, we could just pool that strength, instead of using it wound each other with, we might survive this without forfeiting our souls. I will struggle to do my part and I pray that you will as well.