[l-thompson]

I am a reunited adoptee. When I hear this song ( and I play it often) I think of my birthmum and I as together we try and make up for all the years of loving and caring that were lost for nearly 40 years.

Faith - by Celine Dion

Don't be afraid of feeling this way, going to make you understand
Its not about you, cos I am the fool, building castles in the sand

If I am crazy just don't care, it doesn't mean I don't want you near
This is the story about me and you and its called Faith

Right beside you is where I'll stay, oh Faith, just take me as I am
So please have Faith

So many times, in so many ways I didn't know just where to go
You gave me a sign and opened my eyes. thats the reason why I know

That you are different, you're still here, I guess you figured me out right there
Now I believe that we can make it through, and its called Faith

Right beside you is where I'll stay, Oh Faith just take me as I am so please have Faith, have Faith
So don't be afraid of feeling this way, just hear me out, Stay

And its called Faith, right beside you is where I'll stay
Its not too late, just take me as I am so please have Faith in me
Just take me as I am, so please have Faith.

[matri]

There are so many songs that make me think of my daughter but the one that sticks out the most is one I heard when I was pregnant and to this day it still gives me chills (and a few tears) and she's almost 4...is "I hope you dance" by Leann Womack, I'm not really a big country fan but it seems to just say it all for me.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Amy and Matri...those songs totally make me think of her too.

I havent heard the Celine Dion song...maybe I will down the line though.

[schatz]

Thanks, number1fan (sorry I'm butchering your name). That Train song really touched me.

[AmyRae613]

here is another song that i have loved ALL of my life. but i think we could use it for an adoption song, too.

Say Once More,
sung by Amy Grant on the Lead Me On Album


(Ohhh....)

Let me say once more that I love you,
Let me say one time, maybe two,
That I love the way that you love me,
And I wish I knew more of you.

Let me say once more that I love you,
Let me say one time, maybe two,
That I love the way that you love me,
And I wish I knew more of you.

Tell me that time can't erase
This look of love on your face.

Let me say once more that I need you,
One more time or just maybe two.
Oh, my life will always be richer
For the time I've spent here with you.

Let me say once more that I love you,
Let me say one time, maybe two,
That I love the way that you love me,
And I wish I knew more of you.

Tell me that time won't erase
The way that my heart sees your face.

I call your name,
You look my way,
It's clear you trust each word I say.
When life is long and problems come,
You'll always be my only one.
So now we're standing face to face,
And with one look your eyes embrace me.
Squeeze away each haunting fear,
And say the words I long to hear.

Tell me that time won't erase
This look of love.

Ohhhh....

Let me say once more.
I love you.
I do, I do, I do, I do, I do.

Let me say once more that I love you,
Let me say one time, maybe two,
That I love the way that you love me,
And I wish I knew more of you.

Let me say once more that I love you,
One more time or just maybe two,
That I love the way that you love me,
And I want to know more of you.

(I call your name,
You look my way, I love you.
It's clear you trust each word I say. I do....
When life is long and problems come,
You'll always be my only one.
So now we're standing face to face, Oh, I need you.
And with one look your eyes embrace me. I want you.
Squeeze away each haunting fear, More and more and more.
And say the words I long to hear.)

(I call your name, Let me say once more
You look my way, That I love you,
It's clear you trust each word I say. Let me say one time, maybe two,
When life is long and problems come, That I love the way that you love
me,
You'll always be my only one. And I wish I knew more of you.
So now we're standing face to face, Let me say once more that I love you,
And with one look your eyes embrace me. Let me say one time, maybe two,
Squeeze away each haunting fear, That I love the way that you love me,
And say the words I long to hear.) And I wish I knew more of you.

[Wind_Rider]

I know that this is a birth parent forum but it had caught my eye. I am an adoptee who has been recently reunited with my Bmom, Bsis and Bbro and am very lucky to consider it a successful and fufilling reunion.

Jeeze i seem to be telling everyone who will listen.

I still want to find my Bdad and other sibs on that side but do not have the strength to search right now.

When i was ten years old i was reaching confusing levels as a person because i had finally met fufilling friends in my neighbourhood and they contrasted so much with home life in my Afamily.

I had some tough issues to deal with as a growing child and was wishing i could run away or wishing i was dead but i was too chicken to do either.

I could feel love and fufillment through my friends and their relationships with their families. It made me feel as though i was living in a desert in my own home.

As i reread this and write on i am reminded of how many endless hours i had spent wallowing in sad and empty thoughts. As a child i could not find any way out sometimes. I did not know how to interpret what was happening to me and could not separate the bad things which always seemed to gravitate to me. As a child I blamed it all on myself.

Sometimes i still find myself wallowing in sadness and there are still slivers of this stairwell which i do not understand. I have gained a strong foundation of understanding and accepting how i had come to get here today and have a healthy ownership of my responsibilities.

I still feel a flighting guilt that i had blamed alot of it on abuse, neglect, my Abro and Aparents. I am past blaming them and even past blaming myself. That is an endless whirlpool with no fufillment once sucked in. It is a shame how some things work out in this world and pass on through the generations and societies.

I wish, as a child, that i had the words to even express to myself what the confusion was about. There was no way that my parents could ever had unravelled all the confusion and i could not even communicate the beginning to them. I just didn't have the words. I just didn't know how. I just did not feel that i belonged nor deserved to belong. But at the same time i knew that i did not deserve their punishment and neglect.

After much introspection and support and after the reunion i have a grasp on the fact that i do belong. It saddens me that i have not turned into the adult that i had thought i was going to as a child. I can accept that. I think that dealing with that expectation has helped me alot.

The Song, this thread is about a song. I really connected this song in my childhood to how i was emotionally. I used to be mezmorized by it and it really made me feel a tidal washing of feelings.

I had a fantasy family to get me through the painful lonely times. I had a Mother, Sister and younger Brother in this fantasy family and as it turned out it my Real Bfamily had an older bro, younger sis, and Mom. The beginning of the song really reminds me of how alone and trapped and hopeless i was feeling.

It was a combination of how alienated i was feeling with the concept of love. I was taught that my Bmom abandoned me to these peope "because she 'loved me'. " I was also taught that the reason my Amom beat my a*s like a psycho was "because she 'loved me' ".

I was going through my own love feelings at this age and was really confused about how to behave with them when i felt it. I'd throw snoballs and tease girls when i should have treated them kindly. But love = pain, to me. Love = abandonment, to me. I did not get it. I do now. But this song is about then.

Inside i was crying out to be set free from this Afamily and the abuse and fear and isolation. But i was too chicken to run away or kill myself and never knew about any social services stuff.

TO ME
The first part is about me to my Bmom.
The second is about understanding my Bmom's predicament.
The third is about me to my Bmom
The fourth is to both and my confusion of how life wound it's way here.


The song is

c1970 by Gordon Lightfoot
Available on If You Could Read My Mind, Gord's Gold, and Songbook boxed set

If you could read my mind, love,
What a tale my thoughts could tell.
Just like an old time movie,
'Bout a ghost from a wishing well.
In a castle dark or a fortress strong,
With chains upon my feet.
You know that ghost is me.
And I will never be set free
As long as I'm a ghost that you can't see.

If I could read your mind, love,
What a tale your thoughts could tell.
Just like a paperback novel,
The kind the drugstores sell.
Then you reached the part where the heartaches come,
The hero would be me.
But heroes often fail,
And you won't read that book again
Because the ending's just too hard to take!

I'd walk away like a movie star
Who gets burned in a three way script.
Enter number two:
A movie queen to play the scene
Of bringing all the good things out in me.
But for now, love, let's be real;
I never thought I could feel this way
And I've got to say that I just don't get it.
I don't know where we went wrong,
But the feeling's gone
And I just can't get it back.

If you could read my mind, love,
What a tale my thoughts could tell.
Just like an old time movie,
'Bout a ghost from a wishing well.
In a castle dark or a fortress strong.
With chains upon my feet.
But stories always end,
And if you read between the lines,
You'd know that I'm just tryin' to understand
The feelin's that you lack.
I never thought I could feel this way
And I've got to say that I just don't get it.
I don't know where we went wrong,
But the feelin's gone
And I just can't get it back!

It is a really nice old song and the violins really put a lump in my throat every time.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

I think I need to put all of these songs on a CD and call it the cry CD...to listen to when feeling down.....

[Wind_Rider]

Do you as i say "wallow" in sadness. Does it help to spend time in sadness for you?

I find that it is a natural cycle for me every now and again and has always been there.

What do you think?

[numbr1dbcksfan]

I do actually....didnt you catch my thread "wallowing in self pity" LOL Sometimes you just need to remember and feel instead of forget

[Wind_Rider]

Found it!

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Nah no need to look! LOL Was just saying I certainly wallow!!!

[AmyRae613]

Originally posted by numbr1dbcksfan
I think I need to put all of these songs on a CD and call it the cry CD...to listen to when feeling down.....

when kaylee was 4 weeks old, i had my sister make me a cd with alot of songs that could relate to adoption. i took it along with me on my trip to Arizona. i listen to that cd about once a day. when i was writing out my adoption story i would listen to that cd over and over. it was great. i am in the process of collecting more songs to make another cd.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

I do that too, compile...but never for this purpose before....I think I will though! What other songs do you have on there?

[AmyRae613]

i will have to find my list of songs that is on the cd. i have misplaced the list of songs. lol oops

[mymelody8_29]

Paul Simon- Mother and child reunion is my personal favorite. I don't really know why though.

No I would not give you false hope
On this strange and mournful day
But the mother and child reu-nion
Is only a motion away, oh, little darling of mine.
I can't for the life of me
Remember a sadder day
I know they say let it be
But it just don't work out that way
And the course of a lifetime runs
Over and over again

No I would not give you false hope
On this strange and mournful day
But the mother and child reu-nion
Is only a motion away, oh, little darling of mine.

I just can't believe it's so,
and though it seems strange to say
I never been laid so low
In such a mysterious way
And the course of a lifetime runs
Over and over again

But I would not give you false hope
On this strange and mournful day
When the mother and child reu-nion
Is only a motion away,
Oh, oh the mother and child reunion
Is only a motion away
Oh the mother and child reu-nion
Is only a moment away