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Originally Posted By Fourgirls

I don't know how unique my/our story is except that 10 months after we gave up our daughter for adoption we were married, still are and always will be. We were 22 and 21 just out of school and engaged and made a snap decision. We didn't risk the short term pain of family embarrassment and social pressure, Not to mention we were well to immature to be parents. In hindsight we would have worked it out. Last month she found us. With 3 more girls 16,14,9 I understand what the role of being a father. I never got her out of my mind. When she made contact it was like a tremendous weight off my back. I realize this is a difficult time for my wife (the birth mother) and we have spent no appreciable length of time discussing this. On the other hand I have made frequent contact with our first child and am enjoying getting to know her. A real twist is that she was adopted by a friend I have played golf with, gone on golf trips etc. "Small world"
I know this is painful for my wife and she indicated to me she has always regretted the decision. Because of te pressing things of daily life we haven't had adequate time to discuss in full how we proceed. Is their a handbook? I have to admit it was real easy for me to come to the conclusion that after giving up 27 years the penalty for the decison would be too great to say goodbye again. I also feeel a sense of duty that she has 3 sisters. All 4 our innocent to our decision. I don't know as yet what role I or my wife are to play in her life. I do know this much and that I cannot adequately explain how feelings for her came by so easily. I do not feel any sense of guilt for our decision, regret yes. I am acceptant that I cannot make any demands on her. Wheer this all is at he end of the day I do not know. I kinda treat this as one of lifes miracles and lok upon it as some kind of second chance. Any thoughts out there?

[RichardVanaman]

I read your story and it give me hope for a out come like yours We too married 9 months later! and now have 3 more children 2 sons 24 & 17 and a daughter 14 they know about their sister. We thought it was best to tell them in case she finds us plus I too am searching for her.

My wife is too is finding it hard to deal with the pain too she hide her pain in a closest so to speak. Hope all goes well when you and your children.

[victorialinda]

I was so pleased and overjoyed to hear your perspective and the outcome of your daughter of 27 years contacting you with your arms open.

I am hoping for some kind of positive reaction myself... if I get the chance to meet my biological father.

Best regards,
Victoria Linda Purdum-Blanchette

[ReBeccacat]

Hi, Dad of Four Girls,
My mom and step dad have been married for 45 years now. They married a year after my younger sister was adopted. (There are 3 of us older kids of my moms'). It's been 5 years since we located the "missing" sister, and she was shocked to learn that one of her 2 younger, full blood sisters, was a good friend. They are even better friends, now!
You sound like a Dad that really tries to parent. I commend you. Especially, in this day and age.
If you give the older daughter half a chance, she will probably, fit right in. It will take some adjustment, more importantly, time. She has good genes, so just be patient. Good luck! My prayers are with you. ReBeccacat