[Jackiejdajda]

I love my naps..

quantum

I have already found myself avoiding even the IDEA of the artists dates! But now I've scheduled myself for one on Monday. I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do, but I'm meeting a friend for lunch in town so I'm either going to do something before or after.
Just wandering the streets going in and out of shops is a luxury for me, or even wandering into the main library and looking through the art books and so on.

I think these might be OK as artists dates?

I think my best artist dates were like the one you are describing here.. Wandering the streets..
I liked to do that..
I can't do that any more as we live in the country and the road can get busy and there is not much of a shoulder.. I could walk into the swamp behind us.. but hey..

What happened in the other groups I belonged to was that the members would check in and tell what they did and describe the 'aha' moments.. But bottom line we get to decide how we need to do the artist date.. And naps may be what is best.. I sure as heck don't know..

This from The Vein of Gold what she wrote after the AW.. and adds to what she wrote in the AW..

page 20

Simply this: you are not after the thoughts and companionship of others. You are after the thoughts and companionship of your soul...


In the book she deals with crazy makers.. there is a big part of a chapter on that.. folks that come into our lives and make us crazy.. distract us from the prime directive.. or distract us from our thoughts..

When we create we are doing a 'pure' thing.. we are communicating with a part of ourselves that almost takes over.. finding that path to ourselves is what doing the artists dates are all about.. IMO

Jackie

[Jackiejdajda]

djvj

my opinion is doing anything you normally don't take the time to do that will give you the chance to enjoy being in the moment -- well, that is art to me

Yes..

i too was a little dissapointed that naps don't count...lol...they are my saving grace these days.

Naps.. meditations.. may be the way to go..
I like to sit and meditate and when I lie down on my bed and just blank out I maybe am doing an artist date..

So folks.. take what I write here with a grain of salt..
I may be totally wrong..

hmmmmm

Jackie

[Jackiejdajda]

Hollyhunter

Jackie, I know what you mean about not wanting to be vulnerable. Thats it in a nutshell why I am with calling off the reunion thing these days.I think I already stuck my neck out far enough and I don't want to loose my head over it.

And when we are ready to be vulnerable we will know it.. When we can take the slings and arrows.. and still be standing..
This book teaches us how to do some of the things that makes us strong..
It teaches us about staying in the moment.. and about how some of us do not handle anger very well.. anger is not meant to be acted out.. it is meant to be acted upon.. very different..

There is one week where a person is not distracted by outside things.. like TV and books and stuff like that..
She writes that a lot of us just concentrate on things outside ourselves.. like codependency.. and caretaking someone else at the cost of ourselves..
And she has a person check out why they are allowing others the right to take over.. biggie..

Back to the Artist Way(got my book today)I took an artist date about 2 years ago and went to Charleston. I didn't know what it was called then, of course.Just me and my dogs chasing seagulls on the beach in January,not a soul around but us. Later I wandered around the beautiful old city with my camera.

Yes.. I think she learned about artist dates or thought up the words from times like you are describing here..
I loved to walk my city..

The weather was warm and overcast so I got some great shots of doorways, just cool looking doorways. Some turned out pretty good. I'm not much of a photographer so I was pretty proud of the results.My goal is to be the person I was once before I got so lost, maybe even better. I think I got some creativity left in me. I just got to find it.
I know I got too much noise in my head.

She teaches us how to get rid of the noise.. how to pinpoint the distraction.. week by week..

Hey quantum, if naps counted I'd be a freakin michealangelo by now!

Now I am laughing..

Jackie

[Jackiejdajda]

hollyhunter

I need one that would self distruct in case I got into an accident and someone got ahold of it.

I remember a thread in the online AW group I belonged to that discussed sharing our mp's and work books..

It was said that this is not a good thing to do.. Being honest with ourselves is important and if we know someone else is looking we may end up writing to the one looking and avoiding ourselves.. and what we need to do is communicate with ourselves..

Same as doing something creative.. do we create for the observer or do we create for ourselves..
Art for art sake kind of thing..

I had to stop myself after 3 pages of writing this morning.

Wow.. thats good..
I am going to go and get my stuff.. and start tomorrow..

I know Raven is busy right now and Janey.. is on vacation eating chocolate cake.. in Hershey.. so what do you guys think.. when should we start chapter one.. ???

I can't wait for the artist dates myself. I don't know what they are yet but it sounds good. I'm so ready to do whatever the book says if it will help. I want to make my anger go away. I want to say to myself when I wake up"life is good". That is the old me. I want to create, that is the old me. People always say,"your so creative" what do they know" my censor tells me. I so get that now.

Yes.. And no matter how much of the lessons you do they seem to stick.. and I have started and stopped The AW many times.. Each time I learn something new..
I went to a workshop with Julia Cameron..
Very nice..

Jackie

[hollyhunter]

I hope its OK to take my dogs to the outdoor dates. I take them hiking by the lake frequently. It is the one thing that has kept me sane throughout my life. They're sort of like 'seeing eye dogs" for my soul and are so much a part of me.Maybe those walks in the woods with my dogs aren't dates but i know its been a good thing.I've done this since I was a very small child. I love this Twilight Zone episode where the man and his dog are hunting and get drowned together. He gets to the "pearly gates" and the man says, come right on into heaven but the dog can't come in. The guy keeps walking and says 'I don't want to go if old Duke can't come". Soon he comes to a man who says he is the keeper of heavens gate and again invites him in. he says I ain't coming in if Duke can't come. The other man down that way said he couldn't come in". Oh, no said the man, that wasn't heaven, that was a bad place and that wasn't Gods angel who spoke to you. Duke is welcomed here." So in he walks.

Think it would be good idea to share some dates to give others ideas?

[shadow riderer]

Originally Posted by Jackiejdajda

hollyhunter
I never thought I was good enough to be creative on terms of me.. I wonder if I do even today.."

Me too.


"I do not want anyone to see my work.. I do not want to render myself vulnerable to what people think of me.."

Ditto

"I had to take care of me..
I hate being vulnerable..

Jackie

Jackie, you can see my thoughts. For me, being volnerable, has always been seen, at least in the eyes of most people around me,, and thus me, as weakness. Weakness did not equal survival in my world. As a child, I learned that being the center of attention was never a good thing. Creativity was always crushed to make room for conformity. My creative successes were not appreciated, much less acknowledged, and shrugged off as nothing, so I learned to hide them.

The result of this was to hide my drawings, and eventually to stop. It also caused me major stage fright issues to the point of blanking out when called up on to perform...not a good thing for someone who plays a musical instrument. lol I was working on overcoming this issue, but it seems that reunion has crushed my passion for playing. I need to get it back.

I've been following this thread. With all you guys have posted, I'm going to get this book. I hope you don't mind if I keep following along, but I don't want to intrude. I think I would prefer to stay a lurker for now. , and I'm really excited about the book.

Obviously, due to the being blind thing, I can no longer draw. The last picture I drew was done about 10 years ago, and it was the first I had attempted in many years. It was a charcoal of a stallions head. The only person who has seen it has been my husband. I don't really know why, but a few months ago, I mentioned to my husband that I had been thinking about framing it. Well, he took it, and framed it for me. It's hanging in my hall for anyone to see. I never would have considered doing something like that without his encouragement. I have to admit,it's not my best work, but it really feels good to know it is there...hanging on the wall...for anyone to see, and the fact that I can't se it is a good thing. I wont know when anyone may be looking at it...less anxiety. lol Hanging it was a baby step in saying, "Look at me. See what I did."

I appologize for the highjack, but Jackie, you inspire me..Thank you for all you do.

[quantum]

Personally I don't think it's possible to hijack this thread!!

I say welcome shadow riderer!!

I am afraid I started chapter 1 already. I'm realising that many of my 'monsters´' have undervalued my creative need as well as the value of my work. No wonder I'm frustrated! I undervalue my work myself. Why just today I finished two baby quilts that a friend had asked me to do, we hadn't spoken about price and when her husband heard about the price he flipped. He wanted an accounting of materials costs, time spent, size of quilt, what equivilant work sells for. Good lord! I'd allowed myself next to nothing in hourly rates as a favor to her! When that was explained he felt bad and of course they'll pay.
That's a key issue for me though. Being told what I'm doing isn't 'worth' anything. That it can't be. With my art really money is not the issue. I NEED to do this. Isn't that worth something though??


Another note to shadowriderer. I think we need to pull ourselves out of degrading our own work (or try, I do it too!). I'm sure your picture is wonderful. Maybe not your best work, but that doesn't mean it doesn't have value. Actually, you admit the value yourself! At least it's been a showcase of your husband's encouragement. And it makes you feel good!

I wonder what Picasso would say wasn't his 'best work'?

[hollyhunter]

I think most artists are their own worst critic, even Piccaso. Van gogh really had a hard time I've heard. They were both very passionate about the work, though. They didn't give up. Passion is everything. Raw talent is worthless without it.

[djvj]

i totally agree about anyone being more than welcome to join at any time -- or lurk, whatever they feel is best for them. this is kind of a group attempt at growing and self healing -- the more insights, experiences, etc, the more we are all going to learn, imo

i am still on the tools chapter, but am finding myself excited and a little scared -- just schedule wise, i've been so all over the place since reunion, i know i'll have to begin to add more structure to my day.

ever since the first few days of my post reunion crash there has been a little voice whispering in side me to stop talking/writing/reading and "get it out". i mess around with lots of visual arts, but never think of it as art really, at least, i think of what i am doing now as practice. i read somewhere that for every good painting it takes 2,000 bad ones, so i'm trying to get a few of those out of the way lol. i majored in creative writing in college and afterwards always felt i had over-educated myself on this to the point my inner censor wouldn't let me squeeze out anything...so with visual arts have always been determined to focus only on technique, and not "art history" etc, so that my mind would stay more out of it.

i find now as i get older my writing is starting to force it's way out -- i stopped trying years ago and kind of gave up the fantasy of writing anything good -- now i don't seem to care so much if what i write is good or not...i just need to write. i think i'm ready for this book.

so, today i will try to get finished with the tools part and read chapter 1. also, i don't know if all artist's way books have this, but mine had suggestions for group study - i can post them, but maybe all of them do? i am sure we'll stumble onto a way that works for each of us...

welcome shadow rider - lurking or not, you're now part of the group!

[hollyhunter]

I agree. hope everyone feels like joining right in. We are all at different stages but most have just begun. Some are still waiting for their books. Anyone could respond even without a book. Was this Jackie's idea? It was a great idea anyway.

[Jackiejdajda]

hollyhunter

I hope its OK to take my dogs to the outdoor dates. I take them hiking by the lake frequently. It is the one thing that has kept me sane throughout my life. They're sort of like 'seeing eye dogs" for my soul and are so much a part of me.

When Julia Cameron started all this.. or when she got the idea IMO was when she had lost a relationship and went to the country to heal.. she said she started taking walks.. and met up with a cat.. and had conversations with the cat..
So what you are speaking about here is an absolute artist date.. no question..

And I loved the story about the pearly gates..
Animals know the way..

Think it would be good idea to share some dates to give others ideas?

I will do a post on it..

Jackie

[Jackiejdajda]

shadow riderer

Jackie, you can see my thoughts. For me, being volnerable, has always been seen, at least in the eyes of most people around me,, and thus me, as weakness. Weakness did not equal survival in my world. As a child, I learned that being the center of attention was never a good thing.

And allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is the way out of it.. Admitting the inability to control the thing is the power..
Its pure..

Creativity was always crushed to make room for conformity. My creative successes were not appreciated, much less acknowledged, and shrugged off as nothing, so I learned to hide them.

Crazymakers.. in the book she talks about crazymakers.. Week 2

Page 40

Whether they appear as your overbearing mother, your manic boss, your needy friend, or your stubborn spouse, the crazymakers in your life share certain destructive patterns that make them poisonous for any sustained creative work..

Others controlling others.. and the person being controlled allowing it..
The trick is to sort why.. and this is part of the lessons of AW..

She teaches us to recognize when we are in a (quote page 49) “tortured tango with a crazymaker, stop dancing to his/her tune.”
She goes on to say look at our codependency issues..

Its like we give ourselves permission to be ourselves..
Its like when I used to read self help books and say.. “That’s me and that’s me again” what I was missing was that I actually had to do the work of sorting this.. I tell the story of my mom paying me for drawings and in turn IMO destroying my ability to be creative and vulnerable.. able to make a bad drawing.. That’s still in me..

The result of this was to hide my drawings, and eventually to stop. It also caused me major stage fright issues to the point of blanking out when called up on to perform...not a good thing for someone who plays a musical instrument. lol I was working on overcoming this issue, but it seems that reunion has crushed my passion for playing. I need to get it back.

From the side of the page.. 47

What I am actually saying is that we need to be willing to let our intuition guide us, and then be willing to follow that guidance directly and fearlessly..

Shakti Gawain..

I am.. I work every day to stand in my shoes.. and be who I am..
And if anyone does not like who I am.. and does not like my work.. then that is who they are.. and I can do nothing about that..
Being left behind.. core issue..
Not being good enough.. core issue.

Something that needs sorting..

I've been following this thread. With all you guys have posted, I'm going to get this book. I hope you don't mind if I keep following along, but I don't want to intrude. I think I would prefer to stay a lurker for now. , and I'm really excited about the book.

I did not know where to put this thread.. I looked before I started and I could not put it in General as I knew or think we all will be vulnerable and Kathy is such a good moderator..
All are welcome to post in it.. I honor that you are with us..

Obviously, due to the being blind thing, I can no longer draw. The last picture I drew was done about 10 years ago, and it was the first I had attempted in many years. It was a charcoal of a stallions head. The only person who has seen it has been my husband. I don't really know why, but a few months ago, I mentioned to my husband that I had been thinking about framing it. Well, he took it, and framed it for me. It's hanging in my hall for anyone to see. I never would have considered doing something like that without his encouragement. I have to admit,it's not my best work, but it really feels good to know it is there...hanging on the wall...for anyone to see, and the fact that I can't se it is a good thing. I wont know when anyone may be looking at it...less anxiety. lol Hanging it was a baby step in saying, "Look at me. See what I did."

You are strong woman.. And you have done so much in sorting what we need to sort..
I hope you add to this thread with your wisdom.. hard fought for..

I have a hard time showing my work.. hanging it up.. I have a piece I will not finish because its ear marked to be sent to my niece for her wedding gift.. so I do not finish it and in turn it cant be sent..

I appologize for the highjack, but Jackie, you inspire me..Thank you for all you do.

When I see that you have posted.. in a thread I settle down with my coffee and read with care..

No highjack here..

Jackie

[hollyhunter]

I found it helpful to list some dream professions as suggested by the book.
Astrophysicist-visit an observatory
Chief- eat at a resturant with unique/good food. Children's book illustrator-spend time in library or bookstore looking at books. Acheology-visit Egyption museum or Native American burial site.

[Jackiejdajda]

Quantum

I am afraid I started chapter 1 already.

I think we are going to be all over the place with this book and its lessons..
Raven is into taking care of her mom.. and all that entails and others are away..

I did morning pages yesterday.. I forgot them today..
After I did my pages I felt more solid..

I'm realising that many of my 'monsters´' have undervalued my creative need as well as the value of my work. No wonder I'm frustrated! I undervalue my work myself.

I wrote on the side of page 30..

I forgive myself for ever thinking I did anything wrong..

Then a line..

I am safe in self hatred..

I love needlework.. It calms me.. it gives me untold joy.. its who I am..
I think we all find our bliss eventually..

Art for art sake.. work for work sake.. for the doing of it..

She writes page 31

Negative beliefs are exactly that: beliefs, not facts.

Ha..
My mom would talk about crafts people as hookers.. she would say.. Jackie are you being a hooker.. ha ha..
It took away my love.. and I was expected to do an oil painting.. I hate the smell of oil paint and it is a drag to work..
Never dries..
I feel like I am cheating when I do needlepoint.. not working.. taking time out..
And my mom is gone from this earth..

Why just today I finished two baby quilts that a friend had asked me to do, we hadn't spoken about price and when her husband heard about the price he flipped. He wanted an accounting of materials costs, time spent, size of quilt, what equivilant work sells for. Good lord! I'd allowed myself next to nothing in hourly rates as a favor to her!

But the baby will have the quilt.. and this crazymaker man.. is in his place.. told to shhhhh..
You talked back.. you said no..

When that was explained he felt bad and of course they'll pay.
That's a key issue for me though. Being told what I'm doing isn't 'worth' anything. That it can't be. With my art really money is not the issue. I NEED to do this. Isn't that worth something though??

Its worth it all.. it gives you something to do..
The Iching.. says.. “It would further you to have something to do.”

I made a quilt for a baby.. a long time ago.. it was for a fellow my husband worked for.. and I wanted to show them how important they were to us.. I made this quilt.. for altruistic reasons.. that is a given.. but apparently the baby loved that quilt and it became his ‘blankie’ and twenty years later I am the woman that made the baby quilt for the boy.. the grown up boy..
I gave this kid love.. in a blanket..
And my daughter I made her a quilt.. the pattern that has five sides.. almost a circle..
Cant think of the name..
But she loved that quilt.. and she told me years after that when all the bad was happening with dads drinking and the fights.. she would pull that quilt over her and feel safe..
It was falling apart in the end and she wanted me to fix it.. it was impossible.. she still wants it fixed....

So bottom line.. IMO we do it for ourselves..
Got to be that way..

Another note to shadowriderer. I think we need to pull ourselves out of degrading our own work (or try, I do it too!). I'm sure your picture is wonderful. Maybe not your best work, but that doesn't mean it doesn't have value. Actually, you admit the value yourself! At least it's been a showcase of your husband's encouragement. And it makes you feel good!

I wonder what Picasso would say wasn't his 'best work'?

Ha.. I have a story about that.. Alice Miller.. her books..
The Untouched Key.. Tracing Childhood Trauma in Creativity and Destructiveness..

Page 14

Little children often express their traumas in a painting the moment a brush is put into their hand. They don’t know what they are portraying, and unfortunately adults are practiced in overlooking the revealing content of children’s art. Picasso, however, did not have the opportunity to express himself spontaneously as a child; he said that he always painted grown up pictures, and it took forty years before he was able to paint like a child, that is to let his unconscious speak.


This thinking takes me to my knees every time..


Jackie

[Jackiejdajda]

Hollyhunter

I agree. hope everyone feels like joining right in. We are all at different stages but most have just begun. Some are still waiting for their books. Anyone could respond even without a book. Was this Jackie's idea? It was a great idea anyway.

I keep quoting the wisdom from the book and Raven was heading into working it.. It was ordered for her birthday..

I worry about Raven.. I can remember when I was taking a course on printing on fabric.. It was with an artist that I totally admired.. and I was getting a lot from it.. I learned how to make a fabric table where a person could pin the fabric to the table and then proceed to silk screen or whatever to the fabric.. I have one made down stairs..
But what happened was life came at me full force when I was taking the course..
My husbands dad was very ill.. and he was driving great distances to get to the man in the hospital..
I was not able to sleep in those days and I was trying to get to sleep in order to get to my course that was so important to me..

My husbands dad died in the night.. and I had to get the kids to Brockville where he was.. and hubby was..
No course any more.. Life took priority..
I remember yelling in the nite about not being able to sleep and smashing the wall.. the lady next door ended up frightened she told me later..

So yes.. any one any time..

I found it helpful to list some dream professions as suggested by the book.
Astrophysicist-visit an observatory
Chief- eat at a resturant with unique/good food. Children's book illustrator-spend time in library or bookstore looking at books. Acheology-visit Egyption museum or Native American burial site.

Yes.. I would go and meditate in our local museum.. There was a special room in there where there were Chinese figures.. old ones..
Such peace in that room..

Jackie