[Jackiejdajda]

Eric_N_Hopes_Mom

I really want to do this with you all, I won't have the money to get the book for a couple weeks & I don't want to hold you all up...so go ahead, I will catch up when I get the book...

I will quote some of the wisdom she writes..
I am glad you are with us..

We do not need to start in a hurry.. and I have belonged to on line groups where everyone was at a different place.. and I bet if we go ahead with the first week someone will come along and want to start the first week when you are ready..



Jackie

[Jackiejdajda]

quantum

My copy is due to arrive on the 13th. Let's hope I'm not in the shower or just out as I usually am when that delivery guy comes. (I swear he waits until he hears the water running).

I love getting books delivered.. Its like getting a present.. my husband and I have competitions..

I got to find my morning pages paper..

Jackie

[Jackiejdajda]

hollyhunter

Sounds like the board is a good place. I'm reluctant to share overly personal stuff here though. I might just PM the group in that case. I sort of don't know what to expect so I'm just imagining.

You can share what you learn.. the personal stuff can stay personal..
Its an inside job anyway..
Learning about ourselves..

In one of the lessons you write down your long term goals..
I wrote get a house in the country.. (I did that)
Find my bson.. (I did that)
And get creating.. (I did that)

This book is not like the primal wound..and I have not read it as well.. Its a practical book..
Its a book about how to avoid people that make us crazy.. aka 'crazymakers'
And how deal with anger.

And other stuff..

Jackie

[Jackiejdajda]

Djvj

i just got my books: i bought the artist's way complete, which has the artist's way, walking in this world, and finding water... i also got the artist's way workbook, just because i always overdo everything and like workbooks in general...

I love it!

also received my copies of the girls who went away and primal wounds today, so if i can tear myself away from the web i'll be plenty busy...
ps - i will hold off on primal wounds, i've been warned it might be to intense for now

i always feel excited like a kid when i get a box of books...

Me too!

I bet the primal wound would be good to work on terms of ourselves..

From The Artist Way.

Page 29

Protecting the Artist Child Within..

Remember your artist is a child. Find and protect that child. Learning to let yourself create is like learning to walk.. The artist child must begin by crawling..

further down the page..

In recovering from our creative blocks, it is necessary to go gently and slowly.. What we are after here is the healing of old wounds – not the creation of new ones..

yes, i've been warned it can be a bit too heavy and was a bit of a controversy on this site -- having said that, i will save it for a later date when i am coping better.

I to this day can not read the primal wound on terms of my bson.. and I know one day I must..
I must face that dragon..

I look down on the page I just quoted and I see I wrote on the side of it..
Mistakes are necessary in life!

But baby steps is what we are after.. IMO

i've read so many posts on other forums of this site about birthmother grief and how it needs to be hidden for the sake of others, and so many nasty things written here about birthmothers in general -- i'm kind of afraid to stray off the birthmother support forums now. i get too upset at negative stereotypes and have too many problems of my own to focus on other people's opinions (which they have a right to have and share) and which i can't change anyway.

I just don’t read the negative posts if they upset me..
I no longer fight for ‘right’ here.

I did it for a long time.. and I still at times do it in another place.. were there are no moderators..
But this place is safe.. it is well moderated.

Kathy is the best..

so, started on the girls last night, maybe 50 pages, already am SHOCKED that by 1985 things had changed so little...i really hope it is different now.

i'm going to start reading the into and beginning to the artists way, so i'll just wait to see when we're all ready to start discussing and doing exercises. this is going to be good for me, i can feel it.

Page 1

Spiritual Electricity..

The Basic Principals..

For most of us, the idea that the creator encourages creativity is a radical thought. We tend to think, or at least fear, that creative dreams are egotistical, something that God wouldn’t approve of for us. After all, our creative artist is an inner youngster and prone to childish thinking. If our mom or dad expressed doubt or disapproval for our creative dreams, we may project that same attitude onto a parental god. This thinking must be undone..


My parents would tell me I must be an artist and I was rewarded for doing drawings.. None of it was real creativity for me.. it was for kudos.. and “You are great Jackie.”
Real creative for me is taking that part of me that is so vulnerable and letting it out so I can have fun in my day..
I once took a drawing painting course at the local Museum and was working so hard at copying a Chinese gown..
The teacher came by and said to me.. “This is supposed to be fun.”
Ah.. I thought..

It would further you to have something to do.. says the IChing..

That’s the key to me.. busy hands busy thoughts working through the day.. thoughts about expressing our selves..
Staying in the right now..

Jackie

[quantum]

My book came today. It fit into the mailbox so I escaped flashing the mailman!

I'm feeling nervous and excited!

[hollyhunter]

Jackie,
Its funny to think God doesn't want us to be creative. God the creator? Ha Ha! get it? I mean the whole universe is God's creation and he ain't done yet. He created us in His image, therefore we have that creative force within us. Creative energy comes from that part of us all that would be empty were it not for His presence. We should not try to fill it with things like drugs, alcohol, food, possessions....Keep it empty, still and quiet. I came home today hoping my book would be in the mail. I looked in my box to see one of those yellow slips from the post office about a package. It was from D. A few weeks ago I called it quits on the reunion and explained as best I could why I needed to let go.I think I just need my sanity back. I'd hoped she understood.She said she did and it wasn't really her, its just the situation. I'm sort of afraid to go to the post office now.

[quantum]

((((holly))))

Sometimes the anticipation is the worst part.

[quantum]

Ok! Now I'm starting to wonder if a two hour nap counts as a field trip??

[Jackiejdajda]

hollyhunter

Its funny to think God doesn't want us to be creative. God the creator? Ha Ha! get it? I mean the whole universe is God's creation and he ain't done yet. He created us in His image, therefore we have that creative force within us. Creative energy comes from that part of us all that would be empty were it not for His presence.

That is beautifully written..
And I totally missed that information when I was growing up..

My mom lied big time once.. this on terms of winning a prize a watch..
There was a coloring contest.. it was on the back of the Rice Crispies box.. kids were supposed to color in the characters and send them in.. my mom colored the box.. One for my sister and one for me..
We won.. and I had to go to a priest or a guy that was part of the church and say I had done the coloring..
What a lesson.. I know my mom felt a little guilt because she got the information that the kid that won the first prize was the son of a commercial artist.. (an excuse)

So my lesson was not that God was in charge of my creativity.. mine was that I needed to copy and copy some more in order to succeed..

When I lived in Boston I was a commercial fashion artist.. I copied a great artist that worked out of Montreal.. Eugene Grove.. was the name I think..
I never thought I was good enough to be creative on terms of me.. I wonder if I do even today..
I do not want anyone to see my work.. I do not want to render myself vulnerable to what people think of me..

You wrote..
“Creative energy comes from that part of us all that would be empty were it not for His presence.”

I keep seeking that creative energy..

We should not try to fill it with things like drugs, alcohol, food, possessions....Keep it empty, still and quiet.

Yes.. Find your bliss Joseph Campbell said..

I came home today hoping my book would be in the mail. I looked in my box to see one of those yellow slips from the post office about a package. It was from D. A few weeks ago I called it quits on the reunion and explained as best I could why I needed to let go.I think I just need my sanity back. I'd hoped she understood.She said she did and it wasn't really her, its just the situation. I'm sort of afraid to go to the post office now.

Oh my goodness.. I would be afraid as well.
I sent my bson a book for his birthday.. I go on a book site and order the book and have it sent to him..
I have a feeling he thinks of me as being one step removed from personal contact.. and I am..
In the beginning I tried to go to the store and purchase something and wrap it up and send it in a box..
It drained me.. and then I came to the place of understanding.. that I needed to be one step removed and if he did not like that.. so be it..

I had to take care of me..
I hate being vulnerable..

Jackie

[Jackiejdajda]

Quantum

Ok! Now I'm starting to wonder if a two hour nap counts as a field trip??

No no and no some more..

But then I can have a nap whenever I want one.. I am retired.. oh lordy I am retired..

Page 19.. The Basic Tools..

Spending time in solitude with your artist child is essential to self nurturing.. A long country walk, a solitary expedition to the beach for a sunrise or sunset, a sortie out to a strange church to hear gospel music, to an ethnic neighborhood to taste foreign sights and sounds --- your artist might enjoy any of these.. Or your artist might like bowling..


Hmmmm about the bowling..

This on the side of that page..

The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellect but by the play instinct acting from inner necessity. The creative mind plays with objects it loves.

C. G. Jung..

Page 20 (what I underlined and put a star against..)

You are likely to find yourself avoiding your artist dates. Recognize this resistance as fear of intimacy --- self intimacy. Often in troubled relationships, we settle in an avoidance pattern with our significant others. We don’t want to hear what they are thinking because it just might hurt. So we avoid them, knowing that, once they get the chance, our significant others will probably blurt out something we do not want to hear. It is possible they will want an answer we do not have and can't give them. It is equally possible we might do the same to them and then the two of us will stare at each other in astonishment, saying, “But I never knew you felt like that.”

It is probable that these self-disclosures, frightening though they are, will lead to the building of real relationship, one which the participants are free to be who they are and to become what they wish. This possibility is what makes the risks of self-disclosure and true intimacy profitable. In order to have a real relationship with our creativity, we must take the time and care to cultivate it. Our creativity will use this time to confront us, to confide in us, to bond with us, and to plan.


Stuff like this really helped me sort my reunion.. I needed to find out who I was and am.. the good and the bad.. And I believe this is the core of the thing that Julia Cameron is into here..
Loving one self..
Taking time with one self.. becoming intimate with one self and no longer avoiding what we do not want to think about..

I went to Boston on a date with myself.. I sat and journaled.. and I remembered..
I still have those journals..

Jackie

[quantum]

I was mostly kidding about the nap!

I have already found myself avoiding even the IDEA of the artists dates! But now I've scheduled myself for one on Monday. I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do, but I'm meeting a friend for lunch in town so I'm either going to do something before or after.
Just wandering the streets going in and out of shops is a luxury for me, or even wandering into the main library and looking through the art books and so on.

I think these might be ok as artists dates?

[djvj]

my opinion is doing anything you normally don't take the time to do that will give you the chance to enjoy being in the moment -- well, that is art to me

i too was a little dissapointed that naps don't count...lol...they are my saving grace these days.

i'm going to start reading today!

[hollyhunter]

Jackie, I know what you mean about not wanting to be vulnerable. Thats it in a nutshell why I am with calling off the reunion thing these days.I think I already stuck my neck out far enough and I don't want to loose my head over it. Back to the Artist Way(got my book today)I took an artist date about 2 years ago and went to Charleston. I didn't know what it was called then, of course.Just me and my dogs chasing seagulls on the beach in January,not a soul around but us. Later I wandered around the beautiful old city with my camera.The weather was warm and overcast so I got some great shots of doorways, just cool looking doorways. Some turned out pretty good. I'm not much of a photographer so I was pretty proud of the results.My goal is to be the person I was once before I got so lost, maybe even better. I think I got some creativity left in me. I just got to find it.
I know I got too much noise in my head.

Hey quantum, if naps counted I'd be a freakin michealangelo by now!

[djvj]

"My goal is to be the person I was once before I got so lost"

me too. i want to reclaim myself.

[hollyhunter]

I've began reading my book. I didn't get the workbook so I'll have to get a folder today. Got to paste a picture of a monster in it. I need one that would self distruct in case I got into an accident and someone got ahold of it. I had to stop myself after 3 pages of writing this morning. I can't wait for the artist dates myself. I don't know what they are yet but it sounds good. I'm so ready to do whatever the book says if it will help. I want to make my anger go away. I want to say to myself when I wake up"life is good". That is the old me. I want to create, that is the old me. People always say,"your so creative" what do they know" my censor tells me. I so get that now.