[kakuehl]

Birthparents: How has your spouse responded to your reunion with your birth child?

[Mommy24]

I truly believe that my husband gets as excited as I do when we hear from M. He knows how much it means to me to hear from him.

BUT, he has a really hard time finding the right words when I am struggling with a lapse in communication with M. He tries but honestly I do think it is hard to know what to say when you have never lived it.

Hugs are good when he can't find the words, I get LOTS of those

[Oceans]

I am REALLY proud of J... He supported me when I was helping my fam member and even educated himself a bit about unplanned pregnancy and adoption. He spent hours listening to me. When I brought up searching for K, same thing.

Now, he makes adoption faux pas all the time (of course) but he is open to being corrected (doesn't fight me lol) and even points out things I never thought of... Sometimes a non-adoption perspective is good - less over analyzing!! Anyway I could go on and on...

I am one lucky girl... (and I get lots of hugs too!!)

[kakuehl]

Thank you both for sharing. After I found D, GH said that he always thought that someday the phone would ring and D would be on the other end. He's put up with a lot over the years (I'm a very emotional person.)

I love this pic of J with Z (D's second son)

[quantum]

My dh has been nothing BUT supportive. He feels like he's gained a son as well.
He also puts up with my moodiness and tries to help me out.

[Found at last]

I remember when I told my DH about my daughter. He said to me "If your daughter shows up at our house someday, we'll invite her in and share a cup of coffee with her". He was and still is very supportive.

[kakuehl]

It's great to have supportive husbands, isn't it?

[keds]

I'm so happy for you all. Me, not so much. Although he (bdad) hasn't stopped me (like he could) from spending time and talking to bson he just can't. It's similar to a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. In time, he may come around but I'm not holding my breath. Also, I don't "flaunt" our relationship. I travel quite a bit for work so if I spend a few extra days with bson he knows that I'm there and who I'm with but I don't give him any details - unless he asks. His loss, but some days it would be nice to have a shoulder to cry on or to share the "high". Someday. Thanks for being there. You have to look at the bright side - and there is one - sometimes you just have to look REALLY hard.

[kakuehl]

Keds, thank you for sharing a defferent response. Keep looking for that bright side!

[keds]

Hi Kathy, I do try but it's hard. New crisis in the family - see other post - I think the easiest way to focus outwar is I keep telling myself - it's not all about me and there are worse things that could be happening.

Take care.

Kate

[kakuehl]

I have a colleague/friend who likes to say "I tell God I can't handle one more thing, and God says 'Sure you can and here it is.'"

[shadow riderer]

Originally Posted by kakuehl

I have a colleague/friend who likes to say "I tell God I can't handle one more thing, and God says 'Sure you can and here it is.'"

You just made my day. That's exactly how I feel at the moment. Thank you. Ha, if God never gives us more than we can handle, sometimes, I wish he didn't have so much confidence in me. I miss you ladies.

[ww3053]

I am the husband of a birthmother. We have recently reunited with her daughter. I know your question was directed to birthparents but I thought I would respond anyway.

I have always been supportive of my wife. I have always helped her keep the memory of her daugther alive with her. I have always encouraged my wife to look for her daughter. Now that we have found her, I am always asking for any new information or stories about her. I love how happy my wife is and the glow that she has now. Amazingly, the finding of her and the reunion has strenghtened our marriage and makes me feel younger (I did not think either of these were possible).

We are now a few months into the reunion and I am still supportive and very excited for my wife, her daughter and the birthfather (he reunited at the same time). When my wife is with her daughter, I try to give them as much space as possible. I am trying to give them time to bond and get to know each other. If they are at our house I try to stay out of the way. If my wife travels to her, I do not call, I wait for a call from her. Either way, once they depart each other, I am still "quizzing" my wife on their conversations (what she is willing to share).

I must be honest, it has been much more difficult for me than I thought it would. I have had a very hard time figuring out what my role in the new relationship is. I've been told that I need to be supportive to everyone, which I have, but I can't help but to feel that I wish I were more. I love this young lady very much and she tells me that she loves me to, but with all the new people and family in her life, I sometimes feel like an extra person. My wife and I have children together as does the birthfather. Its obvious to me that all the children are her family as they are blood, but as I said, I not sure what I am. I will welcome whatever roel I am asked to fill.

I hope this response was not to long winded. All and all I am very excited for my wife and I am very happy this has occurred. I'm sure that as I work out my own problems things will get easier.

[kakuehl]

Thank you very much for sharing your perspective. Unfortunately, there's no map for this journey. I suspect everyone involved is still trying to figure out their place in this newly expanded family. You said recently: how recently is that? My reunion is about 2 1/2 years at this point and we're definitely still learning.

[ww3053]

We are about 3 months into the reunion.