[kakuehl]

You really are at the beginning stages of the reunion. Reality often is more difficult than we imagine. What seems like it will be seamless and simple is much more of a challenge (even when the reunion is a good one). I can understand what you are saying. D's birthfather was dead when I found D so he has not been in the picture. (Sadly, I do wish D could have met him). Since my husband is the father of D's siblings, he does have a discernable place in the family tree. He doesn't however feel the same connection I do. I guess my only advice for you if to keep doing what you are already doing... supporting your wife (and everyone else!) as the relationships develop. Her family includes you too, and you will find your place in this enlarged family.

[Jackiejdajda]

ww3053

I must be honest, it has been much more difficult for me than I thought it would. I have had a very hard time figuring out what my role in the new relationship is. I've been told that I need to be supportive to everyone, which I have, but I can't help but to feel that I wish I were more. I love this young lady very much and she tells me that she loves me to, but with all the new people and family in her life, I sometimes feel like an extra person. My wife and I have children together as does the birthfather. Its obvious to me that all the children are her family as they are blood, but as I said, I not sure what I am. I will welcome whatever roel I am asked to fill.

What I know about this is I will always.. always love my husband for the support he gave me when I reunited..

I knew he felt left out.. I know he tried to (did) support me when the going got tough.. And I know he backed off when I needed him to back off..

Now we are alone together retired.. and the kids are just fine.. bson as well.. I think of his support when he was uncomfortable.. and love him beyond words..


Jackie

[Mil]

My son found me by using a CI. When the CI called and told me my son was searching for me, I knew immediately that I was going to say yes to opening his birth records. But I told the CI that I needed to think about it, as I needed to talk to my husband first. He knew about my son of course, but having him in our lives would be a different ballgame. He was extremely supportive of my saying yes and having the records opened. But in the two months it took to have the paperwork done, we went through some very tough times. Not that he ever told me not to reunite, but I think he was scared. Plus then everyone would KNOW that I had a baby before I met him. His family knew, but then the world would know. I think he was worried about his place in this whole thing. The kids that he and I share are adopted, so he has no biological children and now I would have one. Randy (my bson) was married and had kids, so I was also an instant grandma. And where would he fit in all of this??

But it all worked out well. He was there when Randy and I met and he was there a month later when we had probably the toughest conversation we (randy & I) needed to have. We also met our grandsons that weekend and my husband was immediately 'papa', which is what they call their other grandpa too. It helped immensely that they included him completely. And Randy is now part of 'our family'.

I will be forever grateful to my husband for his support. He never questions my frequent trips to my son's house or the hours spent on the phone. He loves them and they love him. He also listens when I need a sounding board, lol and this can be OFTEN. This was a situation that could make or break a marriage and with his support and understanding, we made it. It has really strengthened our marriage and I thank the Lord every day for my husband. Without him, this reunion wouldn't be the success that it is.