[loveccl]

So here I am finally after 13.5 yrs prego again. I had my 21 week ultra sounds yesterday and was so upset. I saw and didn't need the tech to tell me. Yes...I was not having the princess of my dreams, but instead I was having a "Bob". I can tell you that it took years for me to even hold an infant boy again. How do I get excited about "Bob" when I gave up CCL. CCL is the love of my life...my baby boy forever. I pouted and was stunned that once again I was screwed by fate. I quickly told my BF that I would call the baby Bob being the worst name I could think of at the time. I really don't want a boy. I can't do it you know feel the guilt from giving one boy up but keeping the other. Some how I feel that if Bob was a girl then maybe I would not feel as guilty.

Does anyone have any advice on how to get past this. I have had the worst pregnancy so far and I don't plan to try for a girl. I doubt even in Europe I can change my fate with Bob's gender. So whats it like to have a child of the same sex that you gave up. How do you not feel guilty everyday.

I do love "Bob" and I am happy to be his mommy, but...

Thanks,

Loveccl

[Mommy24]

((((Love))))) I, too, had another boy after placing my first son. I never bought into believing that having a girl would have made it easier or that I would have felt less guilty. I did however feel like I was being given a second chance to parent a son and I am blessed.

I am not saying it was easy, or that it is easy now, it isn't. I parent 4 children, 3 of them are biological siblings to my first son, my oldest F who is 15 looks identical to his brother I placed. I remember when F was a newborn, I would sit and look at him often, thinking about what I missed with M, wondering if he had the "Elvis" grin F had, if he ate as much as F was, if he had slept through the night early on, or if he gave his mom as hard a time as F gave me in the area of sleep or lack of. But I think I would have had those same feelings regardless of whether F had been a boy or a girl.

I hope you find peace before little guy gets here, embrace the fact that you are having a boy, enjoy it and in the meantime keep coming here and talking about it, we will listen. ((((hugs))))

[kakuehl]

Hmm... I had the opposite reaction! After placing D and marrying, I desperately wanted another boy, and was happy that our first child was a boy. He certainly never replaced D, and I was probably too over indulgent and "smothering." Where I've been hit between the eyes is holding D's newborn son (who looks just like him.) I love holding him but tears are always very close to the surface!

Can you see this as a second chance to be the mother to a boy that you could have been for CCL? As a tribute to CCL be the best mother you can be to his brother.

I know this is tough. You are in my prayers.