[Jannyroo]

Originally Posted by shash

Hi Jannyroo~
I empathize with your frustration and disappointment. Reunion with these young men is beyond difficult and complicated.

They say patience is a virtue, which means we must all be Patience Gurus by now but nonetheless the emotions are so hard. While we sit here waiting for them to work through there issues hopefully we can continue to be strong and patient.

Its now December 2007 and I'm still as frustrated as ever. The frustration and disappointment as you say is unbelievable at times. I find myself mourning the relationship I could have had, the boy he could have been, or I hoped to find, rather than the one that is holding back, so paralysed by his take on life and the evil emotional anaesthetics he uses to cope with his emotional pain. Its so painful to have to stand back and watch and wait for any changes, IF they come. Like you say, we should be patience gurus by now (I LIKE that expression, made me laugh!!).

Hope you are continuing to 'hang on in there' as I am. I will take a look at your posts soon, have to go now, (((hugs))) Janny

[loveccl]

So ok as usual I read the starter thread and nothing else...sort of an OLD habbit of mine...

I have always said as a parent you walk through fire for your child and walk through it again if they ask. As the birthmother and connected in so many ways to adoption I really do believe that. I was finally able to send my son an X-mas gift for the first time in 11 yrs ( he is 13) and though I would love a quick email from his Aaunt (my contact) I doubt I get it. Sure I drove two hours to get the perfect gift and my nerves were shot picking it out. Still my son...my baby boy could yell scream cuss and disapear for a couple months while my life fell to pieces, but as long as he still let me peak at pieces of his life I would be ok. Though my only adoption reunion experience has been with my little brother ( he was adopted and I grew up in foster care) I still know that reunion sucks. My fiance' asked me 5 min ago if I heard from my lil brother, but nope not since a few weeks before X-mas and I have sent emails and called him for X-mas. It just works out that way.

You know I used to wish they gave us all manuals before we became birthmothers so we would know what it would be like and what to do next. The hard reality is WE signed the papers into this little club excepting all the conditions and terms that only senior members of the club could explain. We will always have pieces of our hearts in our hands knowing we ripped them out.

You have every right to feel frustration. I believe ALL Bmoms can come here and to feel as safe feel as happy and suffocated or angry or hurt as we want to. So all I can offer you is a great big hug...and the truth...no matter what happens in the future a few pieces here and there are better than faceless nightmares and never knowing.

Maybe I am wrong...but I have been around here for a while and I remember what it was like for 9 yrs not knowing.

Good Luck and know that being a Bmom means you ROCK as a mom no matter how you feel at times.

HUGS, Loveccl

[Jannyroo]

Originally Posted by loveccl

So ok as usual I read the starter thread and nothing else...sort of an OLD habbit of mine...

I have always said as a parent you walk through fire for your child and walk through it again if they ask. As the birthmother and connected in so many ways to adoption I really do believe that. I was finally able to send my son an X-mas gift for the first time in 11 yrs ( he is 13) and though I would love a quick email from his Aunt (my contact) I doubt I get it. Sure I drove two hours to get the perfect gift and my nerves were shot picking it out. Still my son...my baby boy could yell scream cuss and disapear for a couple months while my life fell to pieces, but as long as he still let me peak at pieces of his life I would be ok. Though my only adoption reunion experience has been with my little brother ( he was adopted and I grew up in foster care) I still know that reunion sucks. My fiance' asked me 5 min ago if I heard from my lil brother, but nope not since a few weeks before X-mas and I have sent emails and called him for X-mas. It just works out that way.

You know I used to wish they gave us all manuals before we became birthmothers so we would know what it would be like and what to do next. The hard reality is WE signed the papers into this little club excepting all the conditions and terms that only senior members of the club could explain. We will always have pieces of our hearts in our hands knowing we ripped them out.

You have every right to feel frustration. I believe ALL Bmoms can come here and to feel as safe feel as happy and suffocated or angry or hurt as we want to. So all I can offer you is a great big hug...and the truth...no matter what happens in the future a few pieces here and there are better than faceless nightmares and never knowing.

Maybe I am wrong...but I have been around here for a while and I remember what it was like for 9 yrs not knowing.

Good Luck and know that being a Bmom means you ROCK as a mom no matter how you feel at times.

HUGS, Loveccl

Thanks for your support Lovecc. My brother and I have hardly spoken over the years (30 years ago he was peeved because I wouldn't let him and his wife raise my son) but as brothers go, he's the only one I have and everybody rarely hears from him. So maybe it goes with the territory of dysfunctional families which mine definitely is. Anyway, back to your heartfelt comments, I really take them to heart and thank you and by the way, not sure when it happened, but congrats on your engagement and as the vulcan I was quite fond of in my teens would say, "live long and prosper"!!!

(((hugs))) Janny