[kakuehl]

What stories of healing, recovery or success have you had in your life as a birthparent? We somehow tend to focus more on what is negative than on what is positive! Help share some of the positive moments in your reunion.

[Jannyroo]

Originally Posted by kakuehl

What stories of healing, recovery or success have you had in your life as a birthparent? We somehow tend to focus more on what is negative than on what is positive! Help share some of the positive moments in your reunion.

Yes you are right, there have been some great moments leading up to reunion and past it. At the age of 50 and having met my son 7 months ago, I am pleased that this "hole in my heart" has started to mend. I am thrilled to find that another human being has so many traits as I do and the thinking in so many ways is alike. It has been thrilling to be called "mum" although it feels strange too, as I never had anymore children, neither did I marry. It may sound strange, but I have had not relationships for the past 21 years, but I feel ready to now. One of my best friends told me that she now understood why I was coming across so needy in past years (she never knew) but can see how happy and content I've become and more balanced emotionally since my son found me.

It has been a thrill to hear his voice on the phone and to hear from him once a week or so. I feel that was good progress at the time. I felt marvellous that when I sent him an email about this or that, he would take it on board and we seemed to have some kind of mental umbilical connection, weird as that sounds, it felt almost supernatural how we understood each other in such a short time.

Yes, although I feel that I won't hear from him ever again, because of xyz, I am happy that he was brave enough to search and find me, that we have had what we had, I feel I can face the future now with a different "air" about me altogether. I think Julie Bailey got it right in her book The Adoption Reunion survival guide on page 9 when she said "Some of us become prisoners of the our past, serving life sentences with little hope for parole, waiting for a pardon to be issued by someone we've never met". Well I've met him and been issued my pardon and life is beginning for me.

I haven't heard from him for a while, but I'm just so glad he came into my life. THAT's the positive thing about our reunion.

[kakuehl]

Thank you for sharing that part of your story Jannyroo. I think it's good to hear that even when there is an apparent "ending" of the reunion, healing has come. When I told one of my cousin's about mine, she commented that there had always been a hole in my heart that was now being filled.

I hope that your life is now one that you live fully!

[MrsHoot]

Thanks for starting this topic Kathy, I've been feeling a little blue and lost after recent contact with BD so it's good for me to try and look at the possitives right now.

So to contribute...the good things - I know where she is, I know what she looks like (sent me a picture), I know she has parents who love and adore her. I know she had a good childhood and is on her way to a great life...I found, meet and chose these people for her - I was glad to hear my instincts were right on, even if I was a child at the time. She's forgave me for things I didn't know I was sorry for until I came here...she forgave me...I didn't know how much I needed that until I "heard" her say it

Other "good" things - I've learned alot about myself in the past 2 months, not all good but healing none the less. And I've found this place and a few new friends along the way...it has been life altering to find this forum and the people on it...

Thank you to all who have walked the path before me, may I learn from your wisdom and grace...and to all those that follow in our footsteps may you find the love and support you will surely need.

[kakuehl]

Thank you for responding. I'm finding as I read your response and Jannyroo's that I'm finding even more positives in my own reunion and I hope others find the same. Postitive and negatives in any experience are often in the way we look at them. I think the happiest people are those who can find something positive in the most difficult of situations.

[SweetChild]

Originally Posted by kakuehl

What stories of healing, recovery or success have you had in your life as a birthparent? We somehow tend to focus more on what is negative than on what is positive! Help share some of the positive moments in your reunion.

One of the blessings that has come out of it for me personally is that I truly have a heart for teenagers and young women. I have several friends of my daughter's and also some of my friends' daughters that I "look after." I might not feel so deeply about them or care so much about their lives if it wasn't for the fact that I had such a hard time.

This comforts me. My relationship with the daughter I gave up is rocky at best, as are the accompanying emotions. I need to look for the good in all of it.

I've been blessed with a great support system and family.

[banjo]

This is a good thread. My relationship with my teenaged bdaughter is very rocky. Well It's basically non-existent so it's probably not rocky (laugh). I read somewhere that you have to love something to leave it ie if you keep feeling negative about a job, relationship etc then you will either continue with how it is or create another situation that is similar until you find something to love about it and then you can put the pain or hurt in the past. So I have been thinking about the positives in my situation and although the list is short there are good things.

My bdaughter has good parents who truly love her as their own and want the best for her.
She is beautiful and is doing well at school.
We have known each other for 16 years - that has to mean something in the long term.
I have learnt to let go and discovered that life goes on and good things do happen - perhaps not what I exactly wanted but good things in different forms.
I have a great life these days and I am glad she has a good family and is out enjoying herself as well.

[kakuehl]

Banjo and Sweetchild, thank you for sharing the positives in your stories.

Banjo - I love that you are using your experiences to reach out to young people.

Sweetchild - my daughter (whom I raised) had a very rocky relationship with my husband and I in her teens. (It wasn't quite non-existent - we lived in the same house - and at 16, she wanted to borrow the car!) She's now 28 and we have a very good relationship. I guess I'm saying, Hang in there!

[thanksgivingmom]

i had a tiny success friday...got a call from the social worker that placed my daughter, there was a picture of me with her amom waiting at the agency...i havent seen a picture or heard from the amom since Ava was placed so that was very exciting...the amom (D) mentioned that she wanted openess but has been so busy getting adjusted i hadn't heard anything in a few weeks about if that would actually be happening. i feel very hopeful now!

so its a tiny success, but it feels absolutely wonderful!

[kakuehl]

Thanksgivingmom, that's great. Having a picture is so special. I've told David I really want to have a copy of one he has of him with his parents as an infant. He's promised to make a copy for me.

Take care.

[bromanchik]

I have had a lot of positives in my experience.

I have a great relationship with my son.

I have a great relationship with his parents.

It motivated me to write and speak about the issues in open adoption. As a result I have had the opportunity to gain valued friendships and professsional relationships. I feel truly blessed with all those people in my life.

I have learned so much over the years from others.

[kakuehl]

Brenda, thank you for sharing some of your positives. It's good to know that it is possible to have good relationships between a & b families.