[browneyes0707]

I agree with the other posters. My DD's a-mom sent pics of her after the first year, and for a long time they were hard to look at, but I was so glad I had them for the moments when I could. They are the one thing that no matter where I went or I moved to, I made sure that was ALWAYS with me. I have gotten more pics now that she is older, adnwe have discussed making scrapbooks to fill in the gaps

I'm sure your b-mom cherished your pics in your own way, even if it hurts for her to see them all the time!!

[InBlindFaith]

The Agency had sent me pictures of DD from the time she left the hospital, up until Placement Day (when she was 6 weeks old). These were the only pictures I had for 18 years.

I framed one and set it on my nightstand. It has been there every since. In a way that picture has given me strength. When I have felt beat down I would look at her picture and remind myself...I have to fight to get to where I need to be the day she finds me. That picture has helped me tremendously.

The other pictures I carried in my purse for about two years. They were all I had and I needed them close to me. I eventually put them in a safe place.

The last few months we have been finding DD's pictures on the internet. When I look at them I am very proud of her, but then I will become sad and find it hard to understand why she doesn't want to have contact. For the most part, her pictures still give me the strength I need to handle any problems that come my way.

[kakuehl]

Roni, give her time. Remember it may just be no contact right now, not no contact ever. I assume she can find you when she is ready. I hope it will be soon!

[InBlindFaith]

Thanks Kathy!! I do have to remind myself that no means not right now. When I look at her current pictures I am in awe at how beautiful she is

[izabelle]

Thanks to all of you for your replys. You definately made me feel better. I'm not so freaked out!! I think i tend to "overthink" things. I think one of the hardest parts of this for me is that even though i have known who my Bmom is for over a year we haven't "got to know one another" yet.

[kakuehl]

We are all prone to over think (I think). Remember you have a lifetime to get to know your bmom.

[Jannyroo]

Originally Posted by izabelle

I usually don't post much i'm more of a silent reader (lol) but this thread really hit home with me. After reading the posts of birthmothers looking at pictures i think i may have done something awful. When i met f2f with my bmom last year it seemed like she was hoping i had baby pictures, but i didn't i only had pictures of my husband children and me. So over the year i have been asking my amom for some baby pictures and she never could produce any for me? i have no idea why? SO i asked my dear aunt and she sent me a bunch. Just the other day i sent a few to my bmom of me around the time of my placement till i was 5. and now i am thinking that maybe i should of not sent them.

Please don't confuse pain and mourning with the need to have the photos of childhood. Despite my reaction, I am delighted to have my sons photos of his childhood, I just have to grieve for the years lost. The bittersweet thing of reunion is that we bmom's have to come to terms with the loss, but it doesn't mean we don't want the photos or don't welcome them. I was just so unprepared for the reaction I had to his photos, like OUCH! but this week I am driving long distance and also locally to show people my photos of my little boy - I call him my boy, even though he is a 28 year old adult! But then thats the same as my mum, she always thought of me as her little girl. So don't get hung up on it, despite the tears, we just love the photos!

[kakuehl]

When I held my grandson (D's youngest) in the NICU as an infant, I found myself overwhelmed by a wave of grief. It took me back to the ONLY time I held D as an infant. I still loved (and love) holding my grandson (My daughter says I'm getting my baby fix). As I said earlier, I'm still waiting for the picture of D as an infant with his aparents.