[mamabee]

I am curious to your thoughts of who you are to your placed child. Before reunion, I had never thought much about it...I am her Momma. However, since reunion, I have learned to accept she has another Momma...so do you like being called birthmother? First mother? Natural Mother? Mom or by your first name???

[SchmennaLeigh]

I'm one who prefers Firstmother. But when she talks about/to me, it's Jenna.

[kakuehl]

My 33 year old yr old son calls me Kathy.

[irisheyes33]

I call my birthmother by her first name when speaking to her and she seems comfortable with that. What's interesting is when I discuss her with close friends and family I refer to her as "my mother" and they can figure out which one I'm talking about. I just can't call her "Mom"...that title is reserved for my amom...I don't want her to have to share it and my birthmom doesn't want that title either, she says, because she thinks my amom deserves her own special significance. However, my amom and my bmom are both equally important to me and I love them both dearly.

We both struggle with the "birthmother" terminology...I guess it's the most universally understood term, but to me it implies that you are simply a breeding ground which couldn't be more insulting or further from the truth! We have jokingly come up with our own terminology...she calls me her Genetic Offspring Unit and she calls herself my Genetic Maternal Unit. It never hurts to keep a sense of humor about the whole thing

[Juscuz]

His amom is Mom and rightfully so, I am his "Ma". And that is totally acceptable by both of us, I know I am still in his heart, and for that I am grateful.

[Montraviatommyg]

Before I heard of the different labels I just thought of myself as a mother who relinquished. When I joined the forums I had been in reunion for two weeks and my son was calling me by my first name. At first I tolerated the label birth mother but with time I decided to be open about how I felt. I dislike the term birth mother as it does make us sound like baby breeders and that we have no feelings for our relinquished children. Generally I do tend to refer to myself as a first or original mother though depending on whom I'm talking I sometimes refer to myself as a mother who relinquished. When I do that it is to make the point that just because I relinquished it doesn't mean I am not a mother. Several weeks into reunion my son did start calling me mum. To friends of his he does refer to me as his birth mother even though he knows I don't like the label .

Pip

[eastendmommy]

My 25 year old Bson calls me Tammi. I'm just glad he calls me! Period!

[susiesgirl]

my bmother is my momma and my amother is mom. I have TWO moms.

[Lucy_Mom]

Originally Posted by susiesgirl

my bmother is my momma and my amother is mom. I have TWO moms.

Oh, I LOVE that you call your birthmother "momma" :-)

My bson calls me by my first name -- as he gets older I really do wish I had a special name.

Lucy

[lilifelover]

I never thought too much about it until after she was born either. In fact, her adoptive parents and I had quite a tiff about it. We were both offended by each other's suggestions and it turned out to be one of the only (maybe THE only) good fights we've ever had...and we never really resolved it to everyone's satisfaction.

Like a "good" birthmother I gave in...what choice did I have? I refused to be called "Aunt So-And-So" or "Special Friend" or "birthmom." I've since lost some of my aversion to the word "birthmom" (see other posts from me) but it's still not how I'd like to be greeted by my daughter...you know?

I couldn't be called "Mom" or any variation of it in any language (per the adoptive parents' request) so instead I let them choose a special name that did not mean "friend, aunt, etc." I go by that name now and the nature of the name gives me a connection to my daughter. It's weird to anyone looking in on the situation (I get questions about it a lot) but to us it's become the norm and it works.

Sorry, most other times I'd have a much "fluffier" comment that was more optimistic, but I just can't muster it today! It's been one of those rough months, you know?

Anyway, hope this answered your question!

[Annmairi]

Since our adoption has always been open, my daughter has always called me by my first name (or in reference I am referred to by her as "my birthmother"). And I have forever been known to say, "My daughter's mother...." when talking about her "adoptive" mother.

For me...I considered it be to healthy to accept/acknowledge etc from the very beginning...that I was not and would never be her "mom". I made the decision...and I do believe it is exactly that...a decision...a choice...to know and understand my place in her life.

Biologically, yes, I am her mother...and biologically we have some uncanny connections that go beyond outward appearances that just blow my mind sometimes. But "I" also chose her "parents" for her. It was my first and only act as her mother in a parental sense. And it was, I believe, the most important decision affecting her life.

I'm perfectly okay with not being "mom" to her. Her "mom" is the woman I placed her into the arms of the day after she was born.

[Patty-cake]

My daughter calls me by my first name and that is fine whatever makes her happy. I did overhear refur to me as her "mom" once and I have to admitt my heart soared.

I too don't like the term birthmother. I did more than give birth to her. I have always loved her and now I think she knows it.

[Free_to_be_me]

My birthdaughter calls me by my first name and refers to me as her birthmother. I am perfectly okay with the term birthmother. It doesn't bother me at all.

[sav_bmomi]

so far my bdaughter calls me mama Allyn and she calles her amom, mom.

[wordtrix]

Well my daughter will be 6 in August and I am known to her as Miss Terri but she doesn't know I'm her birth mom yet.

Terri
Birth mom to McKenna Hope