[Montraviatommyg]

I'm not quite ready to start with opening up as things are still very raw at the moment but enough said that I can't handle my son's behaviour any more. He has said things that aren't quite as they would appear as he has twisted events/things that have been said to suit himself. I am so hurt and upset by his behaviour that I can't emotionallly tolerate it any more yet according to him I'm the "bad guy" here and he's done nothing wrong. I feel the only solution is for me to stop contact altogether ... he doesn't want me to contact him for a while anyway. However I have had enough completely and for once my husband is finally backing me up. Before when I got like this he would tell me to persevere as he didn't want me "rejecting" my son as he would feel rejected/abandoned for a second time but my husband understands now how much much this is affecting me emotionally. Since reunion my self esteem and self confidence had finally started to improve plus my feelings of worthlessness were diminishing despite the rough patches. What my son had to say yesterday has put me way back again and I feel angry about that as I do know I'm a better person than how he is trying to make me out to be. I have to end reunion before I lose my last bit of self respect and pride. I don't want to do this but I really can't see my son putting a stop to taking his anger out on me every time he reads/hears something bad about me. Ultimately it isn't my fault that the people he has contacted who know me don't like me nor is it my fault that the reason(s) for this is to do with him. Fortunately my dh and friends will support me as much as they can even though they don't understand what I'm feeling. I really need support at the moment from those who do understand what I'm going through.

Pip

[reunionspouse]

Dear Pip:

Bigs hugs for you. So sorry that things have to come to a grinding halt for you. Much love and prayers for you.

Karen

[MamaTo6]

Pip...no advice, never been in your shoes, but wanted to send you a big cyber hug anyway. I have adult kids and even they can hurt me to the bone at times. Ofcourse you have to look after yourself first. I hope that one day things turn around for you and that you have the reunion you have always dreamed of.

[Janet Heath]

Pip,

Just wanted to say that I am sooo sorry. I know how hard you tried and wanted to make it work. You are a beautiful person. You have much self-worth. I have followed you around as well as many birthmoms here to help with understanding how you guys have and do deal with things, the situations you were in and now. Coming from an adoptee's point of view, because you are dealing with a male, the outside influences, confusion about his circumstances of birth and relinquishment and he is young that perhaps in time when he is older and more mature, you stand a better chance of a decent reunion. He no doubt has anger issues and is having a hard time sorting things out then with the bad outside influences. He is definitely being unfair to you. I understand your pain and how he is hurting you. You in no way should put up with it. Dealing with him right now seems to be like talking to a brick wall. Your bson clearly is not ready. Perhaps in time with some maturity, he will be. That is my hope.

That is my take on this as an adoptee.


God Bless You and Hugs,
Janet

[janiej]

God Bless you Pip. You know where I am if you need to talk. We are here for you .

[AwaitingBeloved]

Oh, Pip.

I do not know at all where you are coming from, but have struggled with self worth issues of my own in years past. You are right to take this step for yourself, to preserve your own health.

I am sorry, Pip, for the pain you're going through, and want you to know for what it's worth, that I've always been very impressed by your fair posts. I know you are a fair person. Good luck, and I wish you peace. I wish I could heal your hurt.

[Volfe]

Hey Pip

I am so sorry to hear that
All relationships ebb and flow, here's hoping your son matures a bit and reunion becomes rewarding again.

Hugs
Maia

[cute]

PIP: Great big hugs for you!!!!

[sspete]

Pip...

Bless your heart!!! As a fellow bmom my thoughts are with you. Reuniting is SO hard....Please know I am thinking of you and your reunion struggles.

Hugs,

Staci

[cute]

PIP: Have gone back and read some of what your son posted...he is angry ...Anger hurts the person who chooses to carry it.So best he leave it go.It serves no purpose at all. I do hope he finds it within him to see the goodness in you....

[cdreesbach]

Pip, I'm so sorry!! You have my hugs and prayers!!

Cat

[Montraviatommyg]

Thank you all ... it's much appreciated ... I'ved calmed down quite a bit now. In a way I'm annoyed with myself for letting an argument we had over the phone and messenger get to me so I've let myself down as I should know better. I've been chatting to a friend of mine this evening who is also an original mother which did me a power of good . She has a great sense of humour so it didn't take her long to get me laughing again. So I've taken a deep breath, have decided a bit of space is definitely a good idea so I'm going to cheer up now . Must have needed a good kick up the backside .

Pip

[AwaitingBeloved]

Pip,
We've all been there and needed to take a step back from something. And we've all let things/words/people get to us and let ourselves down, the way you mentioned. You sound better, glad that you have the friend that you do.

Hang in there, I'm thinking of you.

[Jackiejdajda]

Originally Posted by FH-Montraviatommyg

Since reunion my self esteem and self confidence had finally started to improve plus my feelings of worthlessness were diminishing despite the rough patches. What my son had to say yesterday has put me way back again and I feel angry about that as I do know I'm a better person than how he is trying to make me out to be. I have to end reunion before I lose my last bit of self respect and pride. I don't want to do this but I really can't see my son putting a stop to taking his anger out on me every time he reads/hears something bad about me.

This stuff never goes away.. As much as we want it to go away.. I guess it never does… How incredibly difficult this must be for you..

My thoughts on all of this is you can not control any of it.. And darn it, this kind of situation is why I did stop contact with my bson for a year or so a few years back.. I needed him to come back wanting to know me.. I needed him to come back and accept that I had some kind of power in the relationship.. And some kind of consideration..

How awful that others are saying bad things about you… and this must trigger you on terms of your parents and them not giving you the human respect you deserve..
I wonder what my bson would do if he actually did a physical search for his birthfather.. I know I would end up in the ditch if this went down.. I am not proud of the way I acted in the sixties.. I was an accident waiting to happen.. And some people took advantage of me.. And I was not as cautious as I should have been.. But darn it we are all human.. And we do the best we can.. And my bson did get a good home.. And I did make sure he was okay and got a good start in life..

Pip you are a good and kind human being.. And you have survived an awful lot.. Take care of you..

I love you a lot. I look forward to reading your posts when I log on..

I wish I could give you a hug..

Jackie

[michellemartin]

Pip, I hope the reunion is able to get to a better level with some time and space. Take care of you
((((hugs))))