[TBooth]

Just thought I'd give a little update. I did ask my bmom if she would give me more information about my bfather's family in case I ever wanted to pursue that end of things. It seems that after our last discussion about it - where she told me he had another daughter a couple years after me - that she actually went on-line to see if she could locate any of his family. And just when I thought she wouldn't understand!!! Fairly commom names, so she only has a list of possibilities. Even more amazing...later in my visit, I walked in on a conversation between her and her mother (my bgrandmother that I met for the first time) talking about the list. My bg'ma lives in the same city as my bfather's family and my bmom asked her if she'd make some phone calls to narrow it down. So, I might have some solid leads on that sooner rather than later. Not sure I'm ready/interested in doing anything with the info, but I'm grateful to have it made available. And glad that I asked! Thanks for the encouragement.

[cravalynn]

Thats awesome news, i am very excited for you!
Good job. Now just take a deep breath and wait and see how you feel about it in the near future.Don't close the door yet...Life is not a dress rehersal.You only live once.I am eager to hear how you feel about this after you find him..
my thoughts are with you...
Cravalynn

[mdiebel]

Tbooth... so cool that you have that kind of support. You decide what to do with the information when you are ready.

I think you know that I contacted by birthfather family last month... birthdad is deceased... but the five sisters and his brother are living... and my four half-brothers... plus cousins are waiting to see me... Haven't spoken to anyone now in about two weeks... and okay with that... slowing down the pace... I was "over-heated."

Just knowing the name... gaining a sense of reality has meant a lot... and now just living with it is what I need to do.

[TBooth]

Mark: yes, I've been following some of your story...amazing. Reading about others who have pursued relationships with extended families when their bparent has died has been most interesting to me. Before I met my bmom, I have to admit I had little interest in my bfather at all. And even though he's dead, the sense of connection and history I feel in locating and reuniting with my bmom and family has put a different spin on contacting my bfather's side.

You've been on a fast-forward journey lately so it's no wonder you're over-heated. I'm still reeling from the bmom side of things, so I don't feel rushed to take on any more myself.

I suspect I will go down that road...in time. And, yes, given how worried I was about asking...I'm pretty lucky to have received such support.

[sunnyfromNY]

Posted by TBooth: Not sure I'm ready/interested in doing anything with the info, but I'm grateful to have it made available. And glad that I asked!

Fantastic news. I'm glad you asked also.... your bfamily sounds like a great bunch!

[Killmark]

Had a response from alleged b/dad's sister-in-law, she's forward my b/mums number to one of his sisters.

Well we will see.

A

[Killmark]

Well just got an email and really don't know what to think of it.

Another person who doesn't like b/mum and I'm tired of this, I can't believe how anyone could not try and put people right about things.

Maybe need some time and back off from things entirely, b/mum doesn't get me and she knows how much I'm prepared to dig or push to find things and yet never warns me of some of what I'll hear, yet when I tell her things she attacks me or accuses me of not believing her.

I'm really angry

A

[Montraviatommyg]

Originally Posted by Killmark

Maybe need some time and back off from things entirely, b/mum doesn't get me and she knows how much I'm prepared to dig or push to find things and yet never warns me of some of what I'll hear, yet when I tell her things she attacks me or accuses me of not believing her.

That's not completely true you have been warned you wouldn't get the truth from certain people and I have been proved right. I only get annoyed with you because you have basically accused me of lying so how else do you expect me to react and you have been quite nasty with it yet I've put up with it.

[Amy2U]

Killmark and Montraviatommyg,

Are you two b/mum and b/daughter of each other? I'm trying to trace these posts.

Or am I confused. This last post looks like you two are upset with each other, not 3rd party people.

Did I miss something?

I've not typed much in a couple of weeks, oh, maybe yesterday. Been so busy that I haven't kept up w/ my posts.

[Montraviatommyg]

Amy,

I'll pm you .

Pip

[mdiebel]

Killmark... cannot really make things out here. You got an email that said something bad about your b/mum? Or something bad about you?

Who from? I take it must be someone who's judgement you give credence to.

Are you angry at yourself? Your b/mum? Your extended family?

[mdiebel]

Killmark: The answer is b) OPL command.

[Killmark]

Originally Posted by mdiebel

Killmark... cannot really make things out here. You got an email that said something bad about your b/mum? Or something bad about you?

Who from? I take it must be someone who's judgement you give credence to.

Are you angry at yourself? Your b/mum? Your extended family?

I felt it was full of suspision, which is generally the response I get whenever I tried to contact someone who might be able to find b/parents (though been found by b/mum) the one exception being grandparents, although they were guarded initally about what they would or wouldnt say about b/mum.

Most of those I contacted didnt have a lot of good things to say about b/mum when I initally started looking.

I generally take the view that people don't do things without motive so whats with everyone quite happily bashing b/mum? Yet when I've tried to talk to her she's acted as though I don't take her version as gospel and then goes mad claiming I'm hurting her and that I don't believe her etc etc etc.

But I've kept working at it, and yet I get a distinct impression that she thinks its my problem, when she's spoken to me about a previous arguement she'll have completely rewritten events in her head.

I'm fed up of it, fed up of being compliant, fed up of her getting mad that I might even consider that she might not be telling me everything and most of all I'm fed up of her tendency to lash out at me saying thats enough don't contact me again when I ask her for space.

She always said that I believe what others have said about her and that I hate her, well she's the one who's turned me against her and I just wish she'd realise it.

A

[Killmark]

Originally Posted by mdiebel

Killmark: The answer is b) OPL command.

a) as well as b).

A

[maddensmom]

Hi Amy,
I just came upon your post and it made me so very sad. I don't have much experience with reunion as it has never been important to me to search, but I did want to say a few things to you though I may be repeating other posters...
You are never going to be made any more whole by finding someone. They may add to your life in ways you could not imagine, but they are never going to fix anything that is broken for you. Even if it seems like they do, be careful and aware, those injuries are still there and fester so when covered... I hope you will seek intense counseling for what seems to be significant issues regarding a rough placement and rejection by your birthmother. Maybe you can find peace within yourself and come to terms with your past. Then, you can begin to explore relationships with birth family members again and when you do, you can do so knowing that the energy you bring to those relationships will be positive or at least contained. A very long time ago I learned to place my troubles concerning my adoption in God's hands. It is so difficult, but if you can lay that pain down, you have no idea what room you will have for so much more.
I wish you the very best in your search and future.