[Tigger27]

Okay,well, I've debated and been thinking, trying to decide where to put this thread, but I decided to put it here because although my girls are only 1 and 2 1/2 years old at present, my story is one I consider to be of healing compared to a while ago and I have been recovering and having success at my life after having placed both my girls for adoption.

Anyway, I know some of you know the story of how I had and placed my two girls for adoption, but I don't know if I've ever put like all of the story together in one place before and I've been thinking about putting it down on here for a while now. I don't know maybe it will help someone else out there and maybe it will help me to tell the story again even though I've told it many times and I tell it when I go do high school presentations on adoption, every time is a new, different experience for me and every time helps me in some way, I think. Well, I just haven't written or said the whole story without being rushed through it or anything for a while either.

Okay, alright so I know this might sound weird to all of you reading this, but I'm nervous sitting here on the verge of typing down the whole story. Geez, I wouldn't think I'd be this nervous, but my hands are sweaty and I'm kind of shaky lol .

Anyway, I can tell already this is gonna be a long post lol - so what else is new with me, right . Well and maybe I'm dragging this out because I'm nervous of the emotions that might come out in me putting down the whole story here . Alright, well, here goes nothing.

So, Hi, everyone, my name's Anne and I'm 28 years old. I'm a Birthmother to two beautiful, gorgeous daughters that are my true loves in my life . I don't regret placing either one of my girls for adoption, I never have and I never will. I know that I did what was right and what was best for my girls and me in my situations. So, where to start is the question, because really the story of my two girls encompasses other stories and factors of my whole life that some of you know and most of you don't know.

Well, I'll start with that I was 25 when I placed my first daughter who is 2 1/2 yrs old now and 27 when I placed my second daughter who is 1 years old now. I was dating a guy, who, of course turned out to be a dork, and I started getting sick. I thought I had the flu at first, but it just kept coming and going so I went to this guy, the bdad and told him I thought I might be pregnant and he told me there was no possible way that I could be pregnant. He tried to convince me that I had some weird disease or something that would just go away and that there was no way I could be pregnant so basically he was in denial and to this day, I think he probably still is in denial.

Once I realized he was not going to admit to my being pregnant as a reality and that he was totally in denial, I sent him a letter and all the things he'd ever bought me and broke up with him. He never did call me or try to come over and talk to me and see why I was breaking up or check to see if I really was pregnant. He just walked away. So, I relied on my parents for support to get me through the unwed pregnancy and making the decision about adoption vs. parenting.

I knew from the beginning that I was going to have a girl even before I had the ultrasound, I just knew. I also had a feeling that she wasn't mine that she was meant to be raised by someone else and I knew right away that I was going to place her for adoption. I went to the agency and started talking to a counselor about adoption and also made sure I explored my options and felt secure and comfortable in my choice to place my daughter for adoption, which I did. Then I started looking through profiles and narrowed it down to 3 couples and then I prayed and discussed it with my parents heavily before picking the couple S & L that would be my 2 1/2 yr old's parents.

I sent an announcement to them telling them that I had chosen them to be the parents to my daughter and then we set up to meet each other and talk at the agency. So, we met each other and talked at the agency and everything just clicked and felt comfortable between us and we began developing our relationship through letters from that point on.

Even though I knew I was going to place my daughter for adoption and I knew it was right, it was still one of the hardest things I'd ever do. I still wondered, thought and prayed about if I really had to place my baby girl for adoption or if there was some way that I could parent here, but I had some very special personal experiences in answer to my prayers and also in connection to the aparents of my 2 1/2 yr old that showed me without a doubt that they were meant to be my daughter's parents and raise her so I stopped questioning it.

Well, I met the aparents of my 2 1/2 yr old in February and then I had my baby girl on March 14 - she was 5 days late and it was a long, hard labor for me. I ended up staying in the hospital with her for 3 days instead of 2 because she had jaundice and had to stay under the lights at the hospital an extra day to get her bilirubin/jaundice level down to normal/safe range. I cherished every moment with my baby girl in those 3 days and I remember the last day I held her in my arms in the morning before we left the hospital to go get pictures taken at Kiddie Kandids on the way to the agency...I remember that day, that morning so clearly because she was so beautiful and tiny and perfect - my baby girl - and I fed her and she was more alert than she'd been and she was wide eyed looking right at me and she smiled at me. Oh, I know people say it's only gas and that babies don't really smile at you in the first few days, but my baby girl was really smiling at me, that much I know and it melted my heart forever on the spot.

It was in that moment when my eyes met hers and she was smiling at me that it seemed to me that everything melted away except for her and me and I felt that we were the only two people there communicating with each other through our eyes, which are the windows to our souls. I don't know how to explain it, but I felt her soul and heart communicating with mine in that moment and I knew she knew who I was that I was her mother and that that day was the day I was going to place her in the arms of her other mother who would raise her and I knew she could sense my heartache and grief and I felt her sending me her love and telling me thank you for letting my other mother, L, raise me and doing this for me because of how much you love me - she knew and communicated so much to me and I to her through our heart and souls in just a few moments that would last a lifetime and forever be engraved in my memory and in my heart.

So, we left the hospital, went and took pictures of my first baby girl at Kiddie Kandids and then we went to the agency where placement happened. I went into a room with my parents and the counselor and witnesses and signed my rights away while I held my baby girl in my arms - I refused to part with her until I felt it was time to place her in the arms of her amom. Then after I signed the papers, we all took turns saying goodbye to my baby girl and I took the longest.

Some of the memory of my saying goodbye to my first baby girl is a blur, but I remember holding her and kissing her face and her hands over and over while I was crying and could barely see through my blurry vision. I told her how much I loved her and that I always would and so many things and then I felt that it was time to go to the room with the aparents and do the actual placement.

I went into the room with the aparents and we talked and I gave them all the gifts I'd made to send with her. I made an afghan, gave her a stuffed Tigger, some of my favorite children's books, a lot of things and sentimental things that would be like a connection between me and my first baby girl. The aparents asked me about how my labor went, how I was doing and all these things and they gave me some gifts too - one of which is a ring that is engraved with "Forever Grateful" that I always wear that the adad made for me.

So, all this went on for a time and then everything was done with gift exchanging and the talking stopped and I looked at my counselor with that look that said Is now the time when I'm suppose to get up and place my daughter in this other mother's arms? My counselor nodded yes to me and I didn't know if I was going to be able to do it, but I asked them who wanted to hold her first and the adad gestured toward the amom and she motioned that she wanted to hold my baby girl - soon to be her baby girl first - so I got up and walked across the room to where they were sitting and gently placed my baby girl in L's (the amoms) arms. And it was in that moment when I placed my first baby girl in her amom's arms and saw that look of incredible joy and deep love on her face as she looked at my baby girl that made everything worthwhile. I felt so much joy at seeing the joy, love and happiness on my baby girl's amom's face in that moment that I knew she would raise my baby girl and love her with the same incredible love as I did. I wouldn't have been able to leave my baby girl with her if I hadn't seen evidence of that deep love for my baby girl in her eyes, but I did and since then I've never questioned it.

After I placed my first baby girl in her amom's arms then we took a bunch of pictures, hugged and talked and then we left because emotionally it was time to leave. I remember saying goodbye to them and then saying my last goodbye and leaving my last kiss on my baby girl's forehead just before I left the room and went home to begin the long journey of healing and grieving.

I write/e-mail regularly with my 2 1/2 yr old's parents and we send/exchange lots of pictures, home movies and gifts whenever we want. We've become closer as time as gone on and we are very good friends and I feel that they are my family as well.

So, now we go onto the story of having and placing my 1 yr old.

[Tigger27]

So, a lot of people wonder why I had and placed another daughter for adoption and why both my daughters weren't placed in the same afamily, so here's the rest of the story with the answers to those questions.

After I had and placed my 2 1/2 yr old for adoption, I was going to counseling and doing everything I was suppose to and I felt like everything was okay, but then I started to fall into a black hole of depression - it's the best way I can describe it when I think back on it now. So, I felt stuck in this black hole and didn't know how to get out and I wasn't healing or making progress like I should have been or like I wanted to so I was in a vulnerable state when I re-entered the dating scene and I shouldn't have.

So, I began dating again and ended up with a guy, who was worse than the first guy that was the bdad to my 2 1/2 year old. He manipulated me, messed with my head, pressured me into sex, abused me emotionally and verbally, he was close and on the verge of physical abuse a few times. I wasn't any stranger to abuse so I knew what he was doing because I'd been abused by my ex-husband back when I was married for about 8 months from Aug 2000 to April 2001 before I got divorced.

And yet, I stayed in the mess because I knew it, I was drawn to it in some sick way and repeating a cycle of unhealthy behavior over and over that I hadn't realized at the time, but that I did soon after I broke up with this guy with the help of a very skilled counselor I went to. So, I was in this unhealthy cycle with this guy I was dating and I was hoping and praying, waiting for my period one month - can't remember if it was February or March around then - because I was going to break up with this guy and leave if I wasn't pregnant that's what I had decided, but then as I feared, I found out I was pregnant and then I was at a loss as to what to do because it was the second time I found myself in that situation of being unwed and pregnant and I didn't know if I could go through with placing another child for adoption or not at that point in time.

So, I took a pregnancy test and it came out positive and I went over to this guy's house and showed him the test when I told him I was pregnant so he couldn't deny it like my first daughter's bdad had done. To my surprise, when I showed this guy the positive pregnancy test, he was all happy and he was like, oh I had a feeling you were pregnant and I knew it was going to happen sooner or later and so now we're just going to get married sooner and be married with my dog and our baby in the backseat of your car. I just remember looking at him like where was I when all this planning for my future took place, where was I when you proposed, I don't see a ring on my finger here. He just assumed that's how it was all gonna go down and that everything was going to go according to his plan that in that moment I realized he'd been planning and hoping for something like this for a while now because he knew that there was no chance I'd stay with him or marry him or even consider marrying him seriously unless I was pregnant so he knew getting me pregnant was his best bet to keep me with him and it almost worked, but not quite.

We did talk to his family, my family etc. like we were planning to get married, tried to find a place to live, were trying to figure things out and nothing was working out. We disagreed on everything and we fought over everything and anything all the time so I said I needed to take some time and think things through to make sure if I really wanted to marry him or not, but he wouldn't and couldn't for some reason give me the time or space I needed and asked for so after a while I told him one day that I couldn't marry him and it wasn't going to work. He threw a fit and wouldn't hear of it and tried to do everything to convince me we could work it out, but I knew better by that point in time. So, he asked me what I was going to do about the baby if I wasn't going to marry him and I said I didn't know that I needed some time and space and then I'd let him know, but once again, he never could leave me alone for very long or give me much space so I could think things through easily. Not only that, but he started stalking me, watching me/my house, leaving notes, cards on the doorstep, wouldn't back off at all, kept calling and calling and calling me and leaving messages on my machine and they were nasty messages. He kept threatening me and telling me in notes or messages on the machine etc. that he was going to block the adoption if I tried to place the baby for adoption and he was going to take the baby from me and not let a witch like me raise 'his' child if I tried to keep and parent the baby so he put me between a rock and a hard place and made it even harder for me to make the decision between parenting and placing.

I also had a much harder time this time with my decision than the first time because I wanted to keep this baby and raise my baby myself, if I could. I made a plan for a time with my parents help planning on parenting my second baby girl, but I still wasn't settled, secure or comfortable with my choice to parent and the psycho bdad still hadn't gone away and that worried me. So, it took me a long time and researching a lot between my two options of parenting vs. placing before I finally decided to place my second baby girl. I knew the best and right thing to do for her was to place her because of the psycho bdad and because I wanted her to have two parents and I couldn't be both parents myself and I wanted her to have everything that I didn't feel I could give her as well as a married couple could give her. I also remember deciding to place my second baby girl because I was watching a home movie of my first baby girl one day while trying to decide and I saw how happy she was and so at peace and flourishing, growing up so happy, safe, well provided for and in a wonderful, healthy family and surrounding and I wanted my second daughter to have the same thing as my first had so I finallly came to the choice to place my second.

So, I went to the same agency that I had placed my first daughter through and back to my same counselor and told her what I'd finally decided. Then I wrote to the aparents of my first daughter to ask them if they would like to and could adopt my second daughter so that my two girls - sisters - 20 months apart in age could grow up together, but after a long wait for their response then responded that they would love to be able to adopt my second daughter and love for my first daughter to have been able to grow up with her sister, but because of personal reasons and such they felt they couldn't adopt my second daughter. They were devastated to have to turn me down and I know that it must have been very hard for them to say no to me as it was a very hard blow for me to take at that point in the adoption process.

So, there I was in September/October and I didn't have much time until I was due in November and I was freaking out because I had to pick new parents and I didn't want to go through this whole thing again. So, my counselor told me to go online and check out profiles over the weekend so I did and I must have looked at like 100 profiles in one night online cause I was so stressed and worried about finding the right parents for my second baby girl then. But within the first few times I looked at profiles I saw the names S&K show up on the screen and had the feeling to click on them, but I didn't want to. So, I had this internal battle with myself and then I clicked on their names and the computer crashed so I thought YAY, that means they're not the ones and I don't have to go through with placing my baby girl, but a day or two later I was back online looking through the profiles again, saw their name again and I thought I should click on their name again, but I didn't want to, but I finally did and this time it went to their picture and their profile and the instant I saw their picture I knew.

I knew they were the ones that were meant to be the parents and raise my second daughter just like I'd known about the aparents of my first daughter. So, I still went through other profiles after that because I still wasn't ready to admit it and then narrowed it down to 3 profiles and there's was one of them so after much thinking and praying again this time like I'd done last time, I decided to admit to myself that it was them and I went and bought them a card with a poem about adoption for the announcement I sent to them to let them know that I had chosen them to be the parents of my second daughter. Then we arranged to meet at the agency and get to know each other some more and things clicked with them and we started to become good friends from the beginning just like I had with the aparents of my first daughter.

So, I had my second daughter on Nov. 21 and the labor, delivery etc. was much easier - a piece of cake compared to my first daughter. Well and my first daughter was born on a Friday at 12:11 pm and she was 8 lbs 2 oz - big baby and this time around with my second daughter she was born on a Sunday at 5:01 pm and weighed 7 lbs 6 oz - she was a lot easier and smaller to give birth too and well my body knew what it was doing the second time around.

I remember hearind my second daughter cry and I lost it, I got teary eyed and was trying to hold back tears as I heard her first audible sounds of life and saw her beautiful little self being placed on my belly and then cleaned and taken care of before being brought back to me and placed in my arms again. She was so perfect, such a beautiful, angelic little baby girl and she stole my heart away just like my other daughter had before her. I spent every minute with my second daughter in the hospital room with me and I held her every minute that I could and fed her, changed her, dressed her, burped her and took care of like a mother does cause I was and am her mother.

I also spent every minute with my first daughter when she was in the hospital, had her in the room with me, held her, fed her, changed her etc.. I sat with my first daughter in the nursery while she was under the lights for her jaundice and one of the nights when my first daughter was under the lights I came in to check on her cause I couldn't sleep and they told me that she hadn't been doing well or sleeping good either and then I sat by her and put my finger in her little hand and she grabbed on so tightly and wouldn't let go so I sat with her for a while and she calmed down and slept and was doing fine after I came in and sat with her - she felt that security simply by my presence and by feeling my finger in her little hand - that was such an awe inspiring moment to me, to realize how aware my baby girl was of me and my presence and how strong that mother - daughter bond really is.

With my second daughter, I stayed awake the whole first night and watched her sleep and took in everything about her. Then after two days of being with my second daughter and special memories of her smiling at me too and so many other things, I left the hospital to go get her pictures done at Kiddie Kandids and then to go to the agency to place her with her aparents.

I also had a special moment of communication between my soul and heart and my second daughter's soul and heart that was much like that special moment and experience that I had with my first daughter. My second daughter was much more alert the whole two days in the hospital and she looked at me in that special way often and smiled at me more than once and she was also very aware of my presence and showed to me how strong the mother - daughter bond was as well.

So, when we got to the agency, we went into the room with everyone - witnesses etc. - to sign those papers again and once again I found myself holding my baby girl, my second baby girl in my arms, while I sobbed and signed my rights away to parent her. I was so tempted to throw those papers away and run away with my second daughter when I was signing those papers, but I knew that this was what was best for my baby girl in my situation. And after I signed the papers, we all took turns saying goodbye to my second baby girl and I remember feeling how unfair life was and that I was going to crumble and shatter into pieces because I didn't know if I could do this a second time.

I would almost say this was harder than the first time, but then the first time was also equally hard so I don't know that I can compare because they were so different. I just know that those two times placing my daughters for adoption were two of the hardest, heartbreaking things I'd ever done in my life and that was even when I know that what I was doing was right and the best thing for my girls after I'd weighed out all my options and then come to the hard choice of placing them for adoption because I wanted them to have everything that I didn't think I could give them by myself.

I took longer this time, it seems, saying goodbye to my second daughter. I didn't know what to say or how to part with her because she was and is so much a part of me still to this day. I sobbed and gazed at her through blurred vision while I carressed her face and kissed her all over and kept telling her how much I loved her and explaining to her why I was doing this and that I hoped she'd understand one day and be able to find a place in her heart to be able to love me.

Then we went into the room with the aparents like I had with my first daughter and her aparents and went through talking about all sorts of things, labor, how I'm doing, etc. and they videotaped it all for my daughter to see and to have when she's older. I was crying through almost the whole placement, talking to the aparents and giving and showing them the gifts I had put together and made for my second daughter - mostly the same gifts I'd done for my first daughter, but I added some new things here and there.

Then that dreaded moment came when we were all done talking and exchanging gifts - they gave me some special gifts as well that I have and use all the time. So, I said which one wants to hold her first and I got up to walk over to them and K , the amom came over and we met in the middle of the room because she didn't want me to have to get up when I was uncomfortable and in pain from recent childbirth - within the past 48-72 hours - she was so sweet and sensitive to me, she still is. Then I placed my second daughter in her amom's arms and she and the adad held her jointly at the same time and there was that worthwhile moment for me again when I saw the looks of joy, peace, happiness and deep love on their faces for my baby girl in their arms. After that was when we were all crying and hugging each other again and I remember the aparents coming over to me while they were holding my baby girl and hugging me close to them so all 3 of us parents were holding each other and 'our' baby close to each other.

Then we took a bunch of pictures, talked some more and things and then the adad, who was holding my baby girl, gave her to the amom to hold and came running over to me and hugged me tight. I don't know if I've ever been hugged that tight or that long before and he was so grateful to me and so in love with my/our baby girl and he felt so bad for me and the pain and grief I was feeling over this too. I just lost it when he was hugging me because he said quietly to me thank you so much, we love you so much and we love this beautiful baby girl so much too and then he simply said I'm sorry for the pain and grief you're going through and will be going through, I hope you know how much we care and love you and will do whatever we can to help you heal and ease your pain, which they have done. But I swear that was the sweetest thing he could have done and said to me at that time and I needed it so much, he'll never know what he did for me.

Then as we were going to leave the agency, the amom came over and gave me a big hug too and told me how grateful she was and how much she loved me and was sorry for my pain and grief also. Then she held out my daughter toward me and offered to let me hold her again to say goodbye to her, but I couldn't hold her again and say goodbye to her again, not when I'd already done it and it was much too painful for me at this point in time so I just smiled through my tears and shook my head no and she held my daughter out to me and said "look K there's your mommy A, say goodbye until later when you'll see her again K" and I just lost it when she said that because it was a sweet thing for her to say I felt, but I wasn't ready for hearing that dose of reality so I gently touched my daughter and kissed her softly on the forehead as I whispered goodbye I love you to her and then I turned and practically ran out of the room because the emotions were too much to handle for me.

So, I left and went home and then had to pretend everything was fine with me and my life a day or two later on Thanksgiving that year - it sucked. I don't know how I made it through last year or how I did it when I think about it and how hard it was to place both my girls, but I did and I'm okay with it and I know that both my girls are where they belong, living full and happy lives with wonderful parents and families and my 1 year old has an asister that's 8 that is the best sister to her. I mean yes, it's not perfect, but it's the way it was meant to be for me and my daughters.

My 1 yr old's so called bdad still to this day doesn't know anything about the baby, if it was a boy or girl or if I placed or parented or what and he's finally pretty much disappeared out of my life. He, of course, surfaces like a rash every once in a while, but does nothing except leave threatening messages on the machine and then leaves me alone for another year or few months or whatever. After he heard that he didn't have to pay chid support and had no financial obligation to the child no matter which decision I'd made, he pretty much disappeared for almost a year before he surfaced again to leave a nasty message and now he's disappeared again it seems and she's much better off without knowing anything about him with his nastiness and threats until she's older and it's the decision of the aparents as to when they tell her about him or not if they decide to tell her about him before she talks to me when she's older that is.

So, I keep in regular contact with my 1 yr old and her afamily and we've become best friends and like family as well. We e-mail/write to each other and exchange pictures, home movies, and gifts occassionally throughout the year also. And my 1 yr old's aparents have been very helpful to me in my healing process which has lead to me being in a better relationship with my 2 1/2 yr old's aparents as well.

So, wow, that was long. Thanks for reading all the way through, if you did take the time to read all the way through this. It did help me to write all this down and reflect on it as well as it did bring up emotions and brought out some healing tears for me as well.

So, that is the whole story of my girls and how I placed them for adoption all together in one spot. Feel free to comment or ask questions if you want.

Thanks again for reading.

Anne

[eastendmommy]

Anne, WOW!!! What a story! You should write a book, you have an excellent ability to weave your words. My heart goes out to birthmothers who place one child, but to have to go through it twice is so unbearable. I hope you know that you are truly lucky in one thing : you have 2 sets of aparents that keep you in the picture and your beautiful girls will know you. That would've meant alot to most of us -my age- to have been able to pick and choose the aparents. I placed my son 25 years ago when things were still so archaic, and we "bad girls" were sent off to homes for unwed mothers and kept in hiding so the neighbors, etc. wouldn't know... I have been searching for him since he turned 21 (4 years I've been looking) and I - as a birthmother - can't do much more than post on every website I can find. I am not allowed to obtain a copy of his amended birth certificate with his new name, I am not allowed to even know if he was adopted in or out of my state (KY). So I have registered with ISRR, posted on as many websites as a computer-illiterate 44 year old is able to navigate, have consent letters on file with the adoption agency and in the state capital's file... What more can I do?? Your experiences are so fresh and mine are so old, but we go through alot of the same emotions every day of our lives. Only a birthmom can fully understand the ramifications of what we're going through, throughout the entire process. It's something that's with you every single day of your life. Something my parents have never understood, to this day. My mother told me recently that she doesn't know why I continue "dwelling" on this after 25 years... I was told to sweep it under the rug, go on with my life and not to think about it. As if "it" can go away. For my parents, "it" did, indeed, go away. They never gave it another thought when all was said and done. Glad to be rid of "it". I have always acknowledged that I have a son. When I would meet a man, he would know right away that I had a son and it was a good judge of character for me to see which "men" could handle that information and which "wimps" could not. To accept me was to accept my "Bastard Son" as my mother so lovingly referred to him as once. I have been married now for 12 years to a man who immediately knew all about Joshua. It has only been recently (in the past year) that I have been so active in my search. I didn't have a computer til then, so there wasn't much I could do prior to that. I had my sister post on my behalf when he turned 21 four years ago, but now I have been online for about a year trying what I can from my end. It was only yesterday that I was made to realize that this searching may be taking a toll that I was not aware of on my husband. That even though he knows all about Joshua (as do my 11 year old son and 9 year old daughter), but he may be feeling left out by my consumption in this endeavor. Something to talk about with him, something to consider. There's always someone else to consider, isn't there?!!! Thanks for sharing your story. I know there was more than one time when reading it that I cried right along with you, sweetie. You're a strong woman. Stay strong for yourself. Tammi

[Montraviatommyg]

Anne,

Although I know your story and regularly read your journal it's nice to read it all through your two posts. It does bring a lump to my throat though knowing what you went through. Adoption was your choice for your girls yet I think it's great that their parents care enough to keep up contact.

Pip

[taramayrn]

Thanks for sharing your story Anne...it has inspired me to share mine.

[Tigger27]

Thanks, eastendmommy, for your compliments. I'm sorry to hear of your story and the hard time you've had. I hope that you'll be able to find and reunite with your son one day sometime soon .

It's funny that you mentioned writing a book because I have been writing poetry and things here and there with the thought and plan for the future to one day write out and publish a book or books. I have started writing a book already, but it's been pushed to the side because of focusing on schooling right now. Thanks so much for your kind words .

Anne

[Tigger27]

Pip,

Thanks so much for your support and friendship .

Sending you lots of hugs .

Anne

[Tigger27]

Tara,

I'm glad that you felt inspired to share your story. I enjoyed reading your story as well.

Hugs

Anne

[crick]

Anne - I hadn't heard your journey before and thank you for sharing. It's a beautiful story and like all true beauty there's sadness too. When reading of handing over your daughters to their parents my heart just broke for you and yet I see the grace with which you did it with.

I know you are at peace with your decisions and am glad you've been able to experience all those feelings to continue your journey of life...wherever it takes you!

[Tigger27]

Thanks, Crick, for being so awesome . Thanks for your compliments also.

Hugs

Anne

[michellemartin]

Anne I'm glad to finally hear your story! I didnt know what had led up to either adoption, so thank you for sharing these personal moments.
I suppose I should bring mine over here. I have it in another part of the forum...

[aura]

Hi Anne,

I just read your story hon and I wanted to say thank you for sharing it. I read most of it with a lump in my throat and my heart broke with yours. You are an amazing woman! I am an adoptee and to read your story opened up my eyes, it made me realize what my bmom went through. Thank you so much for sharing! Aura

[Tigger27]

Thanks for your kind words, Aura . I'm glad to know that my story could help you.

[MKW]

Anne, thank you so much for sharing your tender and heart wrenching stories. I'm so consoled by so much of what you said - especially that part of connecting with your daughters so quickly and being so sure they recognized you. I can't explain too much about this - just know it touched a very tender place in me.
I'm also very glad your connection with your daughters continues and that you seem to have a healthy relationship with at least the one year old's parent's. May it so continue.
Now I understand the "happily single" signature you use - you go girl!!!

MKW

[Tigger27]

MKW,

Thanks for your comments. My relationship with my 1 yr old's parents is a very good, healthy one and I love them dearly. My relationship with my almost 3 yr old's parents is also a good relationship, but there isn't quite the same openness in some respects as I have with my 1 yr olds parents.

But both sets of parents for each of my girls are different people and different situations so I can't really compare them. I'm just grateful that both relationships are good for us so far and hope it continues also.

Anyway, I'm glad to know that my story could help and touch you in the way that it did .

Anne