[Tigger27]

Mamabee,

Thanks for your comments on my story, I appreciate them. I'm glad to hear that my story could help you.

And yes I do pretty much know where my girls are and I have regular contact with both the adoptive families that are raising my girls so I'll be able to have more of a relationship with my girls when they're older as they're only 1 and 3 yrs old right now.

I'm sorry for the pain and heartache you must have endured having gone through a closed adoption. I admit I admire you and other birthmothers who experienced closed adoption because I don't know how I would do it if I couldn't have regular contact with my girls adoptive families and know how they're doing.

Hugs

Anne

[JoEvans]

Originally Posted by Tigger27

LCSW means Licensed Social Worker and the kind of future Dr. I'm meaning here is having a doctorate degree and being a Psychologist someday .
Anne

Anne, I think it is wonderful that you are working towards a great career and a better life for yourself. (high 5)

[Tigger27]

Judy,

Thanks for sharing your story . I enjoyed reading it. I'm sorry to hear of the hard times you had though, but you are a strong woman for having gone through it and for being the positive wonderful woman that you are today .

I didn't know your daughter's name was Anna though. I love that name - that's what I named my 1 yr old before her name was switched after I placed her for adoption .

Thanks for your compliments also.

Hugs.

Anne

[Tigger27]

Thanks, Judy.

I just hope that I can share my wisdom and knowledge that I've gained from my personal experiences to help others through counseling someday and help those through the things that I've gone through also.

Anne

[MKW]

Personal experience is the best teacher - I'm convinced of that. So often I pull on the past to handle something in the present. I have no doubt you will be a very compassionate social worker.

[jdzyymala]

JO EVANS-- THANK YOU FOR YOUR STORY.YOUR THE BEST MOMMIE, I WILL PRAY THAT ANNA, MATTHEW & MICHELLE WILL MEET YOU SWEETHEART. LOVE NANA JANE

ANNE LICENSED SOCIAL WORKER, WE NEED SO MANY. PSYCHOLOGIST---WOW THAT'S GRAND HONEY.

LOVE TO BOTH OF YOU, PEACE BE WITH YOU, TWO!

YOU HAVE BEEN REWARED FOR FOR LOVE OF HEART & SOUL -JO EVANS & ANNA

THANK YOU NANA JANE

[JoEvans]

Thank you all for the kind words. It wasn't easy. But everyday, week, month, year that went by, it got a lil easier. Now I am thankful that I had the reunion with my youngest last year and my oldest this summer. Anne, , your my internet friend, and I love you like a sister. I would love to meet you one day.(Sometimes, I feel like I already know you.

I have an update: My youngest daughter, Michelle, finally called me tonite. We haven't talked since our fight about a month ago. (we had been in the "time out" stage)
I got to talk to both my girls today. I had a happy monday.

[mamabee]

Jo--I am so happy for your Happy Monday! Thank you for sharing your story with us...it really touched my heart. Don't ever loose hope!
Lots of Hugs

[Tigger27]

YAY !!! Happy Monday, Judy ! I'm so glad you got to talk to both your girls today.
When you come to Utah, you should let me know and maybe we can meet and hang out .

Anne

[IYAOYASMarineWife]

What beautiful stories!!!

[mourning]

your story was very nice i hope that one day i can share mine.I just placed my daughter on march 27 2006, and till this day icanremember the words that the adoptive father had said ( we have been praying for you) i dont know why that someway helped but it has stuck thank you for sharing your beautiful and sad journey

[bprice215]

One great post, thanks for sharing it. Although I as you have been dealing with the issue of adoption, I recently met my dd. After the reunion I felt a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders, for I now know and see the great love between my daughter and her aparents. God does work in mysterious ways and in his own time. Again thank you.
bprice215

[kac]

WOW, Anne that was a truely touching story! It brought tears to my eyes and I cried through the whole 2nd part. I can't imagine how one person could go through that twice. You truely are an amazingly unselfish and loving person. I also think it's wonderful that both sets of Aparents keep you in the loop. It will mean alot to both the girls later on. Especially that they grow up always knowing you and that you truely loved them enough to make the decisions that you did.
And now my story. Mine too is a pretty long and complicated twist of events that I hope at least someone out there can gain something from, if only to find some similarity to it and know that they are not alone.
I am touched by adoption in two, very different ways. First, I amd an adoptee. I was adopted when I was 3 days old and i have always known. My amom was always there to offer any info she could, which wasn'nt much. When all the laws changed and my son was born, I decided I wanted to find the answers to my true past. i was told I had to search thru an intemediary appointed by the court, so I did. She sent two letters, but received no response. The only answers I got were: my bmom was 14 yrs old when I was born, she was still alive and living in a border state to Texas, and the man she married 2 yrs after my birth had died,but he was not thought to be my bdad. I was content with that until just recently. Which brings us to the 2nd way adoption affects me.
My aunt(my amom's sister) has been really sick off and on for several years and my mom always seemed to take care of her no matter what. She always said she was her sister and they were all they had left. I can see that. Afterall, isn't that what sisters do? Well my whole family always loved my aunt, but at the same time we also always thought she was a very jealous hearted and controling person. Especially towards my mom. She passed away on June 10th and we all found out the true reason why. I had a cousin who was my aunt's adopted son that we had not seen in 28 yrs. I, as well as the rest of my family, was always told that he thought he was better than the rest of us, had no use for us, and was off living in a fancy home making millions. He was also bitter about his adoption and not finding out until he was almost a teenager. My mom and I lived near my Aunt, Uncle and cousin when I was young and he and I were always very close. As close as a 15 yr old boy and 4 yr old girl could be. He was always my protector and as he went thru highschool and had girl friends, they would babysit me and take me places. Then one day we just up and moved. I only saw him at holidays and rare occasions then, and after he married a few years later, was told his wife didn't like our family. He come to our house one time with his little boy, and then again for a two-day visit. i was now in junior high and he was 24 yrs old. I came home from school to find that he and my mom were gone. When they returned he was angry and he packed up and left. i was told by my mom that he had asked to borrow money and she told him no, so he got angry with her. We went to his house about a year later for lunch and I never saw him again. My aunt told us over the years that he and his wife were rude to her, had refused to let her see his children, didn't want to see any of us, and she seemed genuinely upset by this every time he was mentioned. Over the years she suffered a lot of health problems and still he never came to see her or us. I didn't call him as I grew up, because I thought if that was his wish then I would honor it. And besides that, I had good memories of us growing up and wanted to leave it at that.
Then my aunt lay in the hospital dying and when they asked if she had any children, my mother's reply to them was,"yes she has one son who she hasn't seen in over 18 years, and he won't be called." I knew right then that if this was the end and she would never leave the hospital, that he had a right to know what was happening. He could make whatever decision he wanted to, but if something was not right between he and his mother, then it was his place to make whatever choice was to be made.
So, I called another one of my cousins whom I knew he had kept in brief contact with over the years and told them to call him and tell him what was happening and to please call me. Well, it was only about 15 to 20 minutes and my phone was ringing. He called me and we talked and after about 30 minutes, he told me something that has changed my life forever. He revealed to me that the day he left my house angry was not over money, but that it was because he found out that we shared the same mother. My adopted mother, who had always told eveyone that she was unable to have children, was his birth mother. For some unknown reason I believed him right away. He ended up coming to my house, as my aunt died the next night. Before he arrived I confronted my mom with my news and she denied it to me, just the way she had to him 28 years earlier. He had asked her for the truth and all she would tell him was he would have to prove it. She said this knowing all well that he couldn't because his records were sealed and if he ever did get them opened she had used a false name. Therefore, she would in no way be connected. This time my aunt and uncle had both passed away so there was no one else who knew the truth.
He came, we talked, and one thing led to another. Then I confronted my mom in his presence and she still wouldn't say yes or no. I finally did the only thing I knew to do and that was force her. I told her she was about to lose me if she didn't tell me the truth: That she had been lost to one child many years ago, and now she was about to lose another.
She finally took us back to her house and told us it was true, but not another living sole had known accept for my aunt, uncle, and the sisters at the home she was in. Not even my grandparents or my other aunt.
My brother and I have been very very close in the past 5 weeks and she seems better a bit too. He is very accepting of her, but in a lot of ways he still looks at her as an aunt. But, then he's had 28 years to digest it all. He says he never told me because he was afraid I wouldn't believe him and she wouldn't tell the truth and then I would be lost to him forever and would also be confused and doubt her.
I know we are not blood siblings, but I don't believe we could ever be any closer. Practically my whole family was here for the funeral when we found out, and I called my husband to tell him we were on our way home from her house and that she had told us the truth and I was bringing my brother home. He hung up and announced it to the whole house and my son said that everyone was in total shock. They all were just really glad to see him at the funeral home and just assumed he had come back for the funeral of his mother. They all knew he was adopted, but it was a real shock to find out that their other aunt was really his mother. Everyone was very receptive and just thought it was great that the secret was out , and no one could believe that they had both endured this for so long. My mom sys it was because she promised my aunt that if she would raise him she would never EVER tell she was the bmom.
I am happy to have a brother, but how do I ever forgive my mom.? I respect the fact that she was an unwed pregnant woman in the 50's and that is the decision she had to make--just like my bmom. But what about in the 80's when he came to her for answers and she denied him? All he wanted was the truth and his sister, and she wouldn't give it. How do I forgive her for 28 years of letting him be alone and us be apart? Even if she believed what my aunt told her about him, she knew he had wanted answers and she let him go away without them. And then there is the fact that if I had not called him he wouldn't have known about the death and I'm not sure my mom would have ever told me. I am sure she has thought about him every day since he was born and it must have been difficult for her, but she was also able to put him aside for 28 years.

Thank you all for listening to my extremely LONG story. It has felt really good to get it off my chest.
Please feel free to respond with any comments or takes you might have. Both points of view.
KIM

[Christmas]

Anne,
I truly felt I was 'listening to myself' while reading your 'lovestory'. I have felt to the same degree of depth and anguish...yes...the bottomless intensity of anguish and purest love that we experience when we let our children go. It is a love where there is no word to describe it. I certainly hope you are doing okay...truly hope sooo....may God bless you and all we firstmothers. We have a love-language that is certainly...our own.
Many hugs, Christmas

[Tigger27]

Thanks so much for your thoughts and compliments on my story, Christmas. I really appreciate them.

I am doing pretty good too . I still hear and keep in contact regularly with both my girls families. I also still write individual letters to each of my girls and send packages to them and their families regularly.

I'm actually getting ready to move out and go back to school this fall in about two weeks. I'm going to be working toward getting my Bachelors degree in Social Work since I recently received my Associates degree in Behavioral Science so things are moving along for me. I'm doing pretty good all things considered.

Of course, I still have my good and bad days and still have to process through my grief and emotions on a seemingly regular basis, but I'm still at peace that each of my girls are where they're suppose to be with their families. I still am totally enthralled and overjoyed when I hear from each of my girls families and get letters/e-mails, pictures and home movies of my girls and it's still a bittersweet experience, but that's just the way it is.

My love for each of my girls continues to grow and amazes me the strength and intensity of my love for each of them as each day passes even though they aren't with me. It truly proves to me the truth of the saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" and the amazing power of love as well.

God Bless.

Anne