[b52harley]

I am new to this but I relly feel like I need some imput. I had a son at 16 I raised him for 2 years and then things became overwhelming. I had wonderful parents and so he went to live with them at age 3 he needed the security of knowing who he was and being raised in a small town a name can be everything. I was still finding myself and my parents legally adopted him. He always knew the truth but I was now legally his sister. He was very close to my mother ( which by the way I was also adopted ) and she passed away when he was 17 it was very hard as my mother and I had become almost complete strangers as she had developed the fear that I was going to come and take him away so I was not an active part of the family. When she passed away my son said "I don't want to hurt you but when I was adopted you ceased being my mother , you are my sister" I relied to him " I understand and respect your feelings but one day you will hold your own baby in your arms and understand why I can never be your sister in my heart and soul". We have continually grown closer and he has married his High School sweetheart who has seen and been a part of the whole family // mother ( mine) thing. They are now expecting their first. Well this means I am becoming a grandma which I want soooooooooo badly. But it also raises the delemia of the feeling of betrayal to my mother in daughter in laws eyes ,I am not sure of my sons, as to the Aunt //Grandma issue. I do not want to loose ground in our relationship but I do not want to be an Aunt either. This is my flesh and blood and I want to be that part in its life. Any suggestions would be great as I feel rather alone right now

[kitkat582497]

[I don't know what to say other then prey about it... God will give you and your B-son the aswers... I prey that when my Bchild has kids she wants me to be apart of it as a grandma but IF Not an aunt or friend would be JUST fine with me...

[nelwywed1311]

What a difficult position you are in. It highlights theh complexities of adoption, full stop, but the added issues when it is a family adoption. It's a pity your parents could not have raised your son without legally adopting him!!
Anyway, what is done is done. He views your Mother as his mother. He views you as his sister, even though it sounds as if you weren't really 'raised' together. How confusing for you both. Titles and terms are really just that.
It may be worth focusing on the 'relationship', rather than the 'title'.
You really need to have a discussion with your son about these issues in a mature and tactful way (hard, I know, when your heart and body are identifying as his mother, and he's thinking 'sister). You really need to listen to him, put his needs/feelings first, and be sensitive to him. To do otherwise may threaten the long term sustainability of your relationship with him.
Time is an amazing factor in changing and developing relationships. Take time to love him and get to know him. Same when his child arrives, just love the child, don't worry about titles at this point in time. They will develop. Develop the relationship first.
Good luck and big hugs. I know how painful this journey can be and how hard it is to wait.