[loveccl]

Hello,

I'm not sure if anyone has watched Brat Camp on ABC. I guess I flipped to it and noticed that atleast three of the children were given up for adoption. They had issues with acting out and staying in control. One of the boys when talking to a camp counselor question why his birth family didn't want him and just gave him away. This made my heart break because I didn't just give my son away. The issues these kids have seem to stem from thier adoption. I really thought I'd ask if anyone else has thoughts. Especially for those of us who don't really know what is going on with our children. Can you imagine the birthparents watching thier kids on TV and not knowing what they could do to help thier "Babies". It would be such a shock. I guess I'm never impressed when adoption, birthparents or adoptees are in the media.

Let me know if you have any thoughts. Adoptees let me know what you think!!!!

Loveccl

[kitkat582497]

I wass thinking the same thing... I think it has alot to do with the Afamliy itself... NOT tell there children that they were wanted... I honstly don't care IF the Afalmiy knew that the child wasn't really wanted you SHOULD never let them know that or think that... I would BE SOOOOOOOOOO upset with Hopes famliy IF they ever let her think that which IN my heart I know they WOULD NEVER let it go that far with out getting in conat with us 1st soo we could let her know how much she was wanted and loved and still loved...

[dl]

Out of the nine children on this show, two had been adopted, one at birth and one when a toddler.

In varying degrees, many of the nine had similar issues ~ substance abuse, defiant behavior, anger ~ etc. just as many people do, whether adopted or not. I believe that a big influence in a teenagers life are the people they associate with as friends. As one of the girls on the show admitted, she had chosen to hang out with a "bunch of low-lifes". Personally, I think the peer group is more of a factor than adoption or Afamily in a majority of cases. After all, if "adoption issues" were the only cause, what would be the reason that so many kids have the same problems and they were not touched by adoption.

There are two threads about Brat Camp that you might find interesting. Two members that have worked with troubled teens or adults both posted that they had not seen adoption as the cause of the problems in their professional experience.

Brat Camp

http://www.familyforums.com/showthre...3&page=1&pp=15

any one watch brat camp?

http://www.familyforums.com/showthre...0&page=1&pp=15

[scarlet52698]

I don't think adoption itself is the issue but how the children preceive their adoption experience.

What jumped out at me was the common thread of substance abuse among the kids. That can be genetic and have nothing to do with family or even friends (although the friends might introduce the substances to them). If you are born with a predisposition to addiction then the best parenting in the world won't necessarily save you from it. I know tons of people in my 12 step program who came from wonderful homes with awesome parents.

[msdps9]

Originally Posted by loveccl

Hello,

I'm not sure if anyone has watched Brat Camp on ABC. I guess I flipped to it and noticed that atleast three of the children were given up for adoption. They had issues with acting out and staying in control. One of the boys when talking to a camp counselor question why his birth family didn't want him and just gave him away. This made my heart break because I didn't just give my son away. The issues these kids have seem to stem from thier adoption. I really thought I'd ask if anyone else has thoughts. Especially for those of us who don't really know what is going on with our children. Can you imagine the birthparents watching thier kids on TV and not knowing what they could do to help thier "Babies". It would be such a shock. I guess I'm never impressed when adoption, birthparents or adoptees are in the media.

Let me know if you have any thoughts. Adoptees let me know what you think!!!!

Loveccl

Hi.
I'm a reunited birthmom. My birthdaughter is 24. I found her when she was 16 - but didn't make contact. For 2 years I researched on adoption forums, chats, etc. I wanted to know everything about all 3 sides of the adoption triad.
The reason I'm tellin you this is because my husbands sister has an adopted son - who was sent to a 'brat camp' in Utah last year. They have evidenlty had a terrible time with this boy - he is now on some island in the philipines - another extreme brat comp. What frustrates me is that my husbands sister and family will NOT acknowledge that adoption may be at the root of his anger. They say - 'that's just how Andrew is". but I want to KNOW WHY!!!
Personally - I'm a "Primal Wound" believer. Don't know if you read the book... but as a mother of 4 additional children - that 'theory' rings true in my opinion.
Just wanted to say that I know what you mean...i think adoption effects many children...most children. How could it not??
Melissa
Birthmom to Erica 12/26/81
Reunited 8/28/00
"When I gave my daughter up for adoption - I was prepared to take the pain - all of it. I was devistated to find out that she suffered too. It wasn't suppposed to be like this!"

[loveccl]

I have to think that as birthparents dealing with the loss our childeren feel it also. They may no know exactly what they are feeling but they feel it. Maybe its just my uneducated heart talking. I have takken psych classes that have shown that stuff like even homeschool is great because a child is not ready to leave their mother at a young age. This is meant in NO offense to adoptive parents but I know there is a bond between mother and child created in those early stages of being up all night and talking to our belly's. The child when ripped from that bond has to feel that pain of emptiness. I just FEEL that they have know idea what it is where it came from or how to deal with it. I know I could be wrong, but....

Melissa it would be hard for me to see what you see as a birthmother and aunt of an adoptee. I feel for you because I doubt you have any power to help your nephew. I can only hope that all these camps don't break the spirit of "someone's" little boy.

Thank you!

Love and Hugs,
Loveccl

[Wnderlnd]

I am an adoptive mom to a beautiful little girl who is about to be 5 months old. Part of our morning routine is looking at pictures in her room on her shelves of family members, including her birthmom and her two other children, our daughter's half biological siblings. Our daughter will always know that her birth mom didn't "give her up, " rather she choose a family who could take better care of her than she was able to at the time. We tell her everyday that her birthmom loves her and made a very difficult decision to let another family raise her. Our daughter's birthmom was unable to afford another baby, knowing what it takes, and knew it would jeopardize the baby and the two other children if she tried to raise her at that time. We are fortunate that our daughter's brithmom wants to be in our daughter's life. I will never be able to thank her enough for the gift of being a family. I am proud to have her picture displayed next to ours. With that said, I know that the day will come when our daughter gets angry, but being open with our feelings and hers will make things easier. I will also add now, that I am also an adoptee. I have known my whole life; there was never an "ah ha" moment, or a time when I felt my parents lied to me. I am close with my biological family and adore my adoptive family. Both are important in my life and part of who I am and grew to become. This is what I dream for our daughter.

Thanks for letting me share.

[bronwynn]

I am one of those adoptee "trouble children". I had horrible behavioral problems growing up I resented my apaerents i resented my bparents and pretty much just hated everyone in general. I did drugs I slept around I dropped out of school ran away from home lived on the streets and pretty much ruined my life for years. Then i had 2 children of my own and i would love to say that i turned my life around and straitened up for them...but i didnt. I was still mad at the whole world. I ended up having to give my kids to my parents and they still have them. They have been with them for 3 years. I just now (at age 28) have started putting myself back together. Im getting married going back to school and ive given up drugs. I have started the search for my bparents and for some reason that helps alot. I am still angry with them though. And my relationship with my aparents is not great. They love my but we are just to different for me to feel completely a part of there family. Genetics does have a lot to do with a child... I have been with my family since i was 5 days old and i always knew i didnt totally belong. My adoption was never a secret...sometimes i wonder if it would have been better if they had never told me. People can say that I was "chosen" and that i am special but the simple fact is SOMEONE gave me away and another SOMEONE picked me as a 2nd choice because they couldnt have there "own" child. ANd i dont care what anyone says to that most of the adopted people i have talked to feel the same way at one time or another. Anyways i have found some happiness after adoption but i still wish it had never happened.

[schatz]

I haven't seen the show, but I've worked in residential with behavior-disordered kids.

I did find that some of the kids' problems stemmed directly from their adoption experience.

When I was presented with the idea of adoption for my unborn child, I immediately recoiled at the thought of my child suffering the way I saw some of these kids suffer.

I don't like it when people try to blame all problems on adoption, but I do think that it is sometimes the cause. I also agree with the people here who mentioned how important the parents treatment of adoption is.

My concerns for my daughter were much of the reason I chose an open adoption. She will still grieve and get angry, but at least she will know that I love her.