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Originally Posted By Baby Girl

I was given up for adoption immediately after birth in 1970. After searching, I found out the identity of bmom from bdad 8 years ago. I sent her many letters and photos first couple of years. She never responded. I put it on hold for a few years, then searched for her two sons (my half brothers). After contacting the oldest, he couldn't shed much light on why she won't talk to me. I'm wondering if any of you bmoms out there could share some insight with a very hurt and confused adoptee. I know alot about her. She came from a good christian home. She was going into her sophomnore year in college when she found out she was pregnant. The father was just a casual boyfriend who had moved away. Her mother took her to an unwed home in TX so noone would know. She then went back home, married, finished school, had two sons, and later divorced. She is now 51, living only 6 hours away (I know the house - been by there), with her youngest son who is 20. Her oldest knows about me, she is not married. Why does she still not want to talk to me or meet me? It hurts so bad. I've often thought of knocking on her door, but I know she does not want that. Sometimes I think I do not care, and it won't stop me from seeing her. But other times, I realize this is not the right thing to do. Any advice?

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Originally Posted By Marion

Hi,

I'm a bmom and have only recently been reunited w/my daughter.

My background was a little different where I did not go to an unwed home, but I do understand her hesitancy and reluctancy to meet and realize you. When the letter came from the State Family Services informing me of my daughter's attempt to get ahold of me, a flood of memories bombarded me and this I did not expect. All the pain and sadness that I hid away from myself that I thought I got over still exists!! Man.

Despite that tho, deep deep inside, I've ALWAYS wanted to meet my daughter, no matter what. If I were you, I would try contacting her face to face, but you must fully realize she may reject you outright, deny you. She may or may not be healed over time to be able to see you. But the few moments that you are able to at least talk to her, see what she is like I'd think, is most precious...no matter what her attitude is to you since it is important to you.

"Even if the moment is nothing but a few, at least I got to meet her face to face."

This is how I felt and all I expected when I first met my daughter. Things between us are still developing but going ..well, ok.

Hang in there, kid!
Marion

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Originally Posted By Chandra

I gave my daughter up about seven months ago, I'm only seventeen. And I have an open adoption, So I know that My situation isn't exactly the same. But I can imagine how it feels. To me- to have a closed adoption it would be like a death. And I wouldn't want to have it brought up much. Not because of you, But because of the guilt of not being able to give your baby a good home. She could be feeling ashamed,It may hurt her to see you. But that can't mean that she doesn't WANT to see you. I don't know- What I'm saying probably isn't how she feels at all. That's just how I would feel. I hope everything works out for you.

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Originally Posted By filly mac

baby girl iam a birth father ,whom let give up for adoption by her mother a little girl ,god forgive me , 15+ years ago ,i know that the pain that i carry was at one piont so great that i had burried myself in alcohol for 5 years before i asked for gods guidance to help me i did not have the resources or stability to care for her or her mother at the time , you must remember that she grew up in a different time then we did and also she may have been very hurt by your father emotionally and it may cause her great pain to bring up old memories that she must have wanted to forget pain , shame ,regret angry , but not over creating you but from having to let you go, as a father i suffered greatly from not walking the path god set before me ,but to be a mother from bible belt country and carry you for 10 months and having to give you up is most likely something she has never forgiven herself for much less those who convinced her of it , i know that i'm not a b-mom but all gods children feel some more than others and i beleive that the world has hardened her heart , my only advice is to pray to our lord above in jesus name that she someday soon accepts the love that will fill & soften her heart to you , she must have hurt & cried tremendously over having to let you go , sorry for bein long winded but i to have been on an emotional rollercoaster since discovering that i have a child out there that i have never held ........ good luck and god bless you in your search for peace! sincerely a b-father again AMEN............

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Originally Posted By marie

Go and see her. I am a bmom. She needs to see you. There is pain and there is also joy. Be prepared for her rejection. She is not rejecting you. She is remembering a time in her life that may not have been very pleasant. I had my families support and the bdad's support. Her circumstances may not have been the same.