[khpr44]

I have a question for all birthmom's ..... do you remember the day your child was born? You see I can't remember.... I am not sure if it is a mental block or what. I was 15 when I gave birth to a son back in 1984 and I can't remember a thing about the day. I know I was put under the moment I went into the hospital and given a c-section. But, other than that I can't remember anything. In fact I don't think I woke up for a few days as when I remember looking at myself I didn't have an iv or anything. Does anyone elts have this problem and what do you think I can do to remember the day?

[Montraviatommyg]

I will never forget the day my bson was born like it was yesterday except I don't remember the physical pain - the labour was quick as well as it was only two hours.

Montravia

[Tigger27]

I still remember every detail of both my daughters births, labor, epidural, hospital time etc. Of course, my daughters are only 2 yrs old and 4 mos old so not a lot of time has passed by yet.

I remember the birth of my 2 yr old like it was yesterday still though, my 4 mo old was like yesterday still. I don't think I will ever forget either one of my daughter's births or those first few days of life that I spent with them.

As to how you could remember your son's birth, I'm not sure. If you had pictures or something that you could look at that might jog your memory, I would suggest that, but I'm not sure what I would do or what would be the best thing to do that would help you to remember.

Sorry, I'm not more help.

Anne

[khpr44]

I knew it was a strange question to ask as many must remember but I was just curious. I don't have any pictures or anything as it was a closed adoption and finding anything is next to impossible in California.

[Montraviatommyg]

Originally Posted by khpr44

I knew it was a strange question to ask as many must remember but I was just curious. I don't have any pictures or anything as it was a closed adoption and finding anything is next to impossible in California.

If I was new to the forum and just at the start of my reunion with my bson I would have thought it was a strange question to ask. Early in our reunion my bson seemed to be obsessed with wanting to know the details of my pregnancy and labour....he even wanted to know if I had stitches afterwards and if I had pain relief. He got a simple yes to the stitches question and no to the pain relief but it seemed bizarre to me at the time that he wanted to know.

Montravia

[Lori1979]

I feel the same way. I have to go over it in my head and really think to remember. Maybe because we were forced to feel shame and that what we were doing was awful. My mother wouldn't even give me a ride home from the hospital.

[khpr44]

I am glad to know I am not the only one. I was thinking yesterday that maybe I am just weird and of course others remember. I know the shame and guilt feelings. I was being molested and then was raped by our neighbor and was still made to feel like it was my fault. I am not sure if even today I don;t feel like it is my fault and I should have done something but at 14 what voice do you have?

[FatBirdy]

Hello,

I have read a number of times that it is really very normal for bmom's to forget the birth or details surrounding. It's the brain's way of protecting people from something so very painful. So not to worry - you are very normal!

Hi Montravia, I had my own set of questions for my bmom when we met. I was very interested in my birth. It was like for the first time I actully processed the fact that I was born. I know that sounds silly but I really had never thought of it before. Everyone else had stories about what time they were born or how long their mother was in labour etc. I never conciously thought of not being born but it was like I never was - maybe that was my brain's way of protecting me?? So, you may find the questions odd but I think adoptees go into over load when they have the opportunity to get answers to questions they were never able to before. Now, I bet I know more about my bmom's life, relationships and my birth than most kept kids know about their mom's. haha, and on a brighter note - looks like your bson is really comfy with you! Otherwise he would not have been able to ask you about your stitches!

[Montraviatommyg]

Originally Posted by FatBirdy

haha, and on a brighter note - looks like your bson is really comfy with you! Otherwise he would not have been able to ask you about your stitches!

Thanks for that FatBirdy it's cheered me up no end though at times I wonder how many bmums get asked really embarressing questions about their personal lives. On top of that he thinks nothing about telling me about his love life . Mind you I do appreciate that he feels comfy (and trusting) enough to talk about anything .

Montravia

[l-thompson]

I was very interested in my birth. It was like for the first time I actully processed the fact that I was born.

FatBirdy ~ I could have written the above myself!! And thats it in a nutshell. No one could ever tell me about the day I was born, there was no mother to tell me about how I used to "kick", no mother to tell me about my first cry....it was like nothing existed until the day I entered my adoptive parents home at 8 months of age....anything before 8 months was null and void. But then I made contact with my birthmom and it really was like a "eureka" moment!!! I was absolutely engrossed with every little detail she could tell me about her pregnancy and the labour and the arrival of me!!

I have two daughters and over the years we have talked and shared so many stories about when I was pregnant with them....about the day they were born...their first cries...
Every baby in NZ has what we call a Plunket book. It details a babies development from basically birth through to when they are two. My daughters loved reading the comments from the Plunket nurse in their book and what they were doing at 1 week, 2 weeks, a month old etc...
I also have the hospital notes from the maternity home and it details the labour from beginning to end ~ it is absolutely awesome.
I had none of that ~ I love the fact that my daughters do
My poor birthmom has had to endure many questions and has had to travel back to a less than happy time in her life, to provide me with the answers to my questions ~ I love the fact that she did that for me

[l-thompson]

On top of that he thinks nothing about telling me about his love life . Mind you I do appreciate that he feels comfy (and trusting) enough to talk about anything .

Montravia ~ that is such a compliment to you You know you are onto a winning formula when openness and honesty prevail......I think thats really awesome!!

[BoxerLady6]

Although I remember the birth of my bdaughter and right after, I hardly can remember most the time I was pregnant. It was a very strange time and I felt so out of myself. I was very alone and depressed. I lost most of my friends at this time and went from a partying outgoing person to being very alone. Aside from that I really can't remember much. I have tried to look back and remember things but I can't and it was only 5 years ago!!!! I hope my bdaughter never asks me about being pregnant with her. Those will be questions I will never be able to answer for her.....

[imisskenzie]

When my mother and I talk about the day my birth daughter was born there are things I don't remember and she's only eight. I know this probably sounds awful but my aunt placed a baby and cannot remember his birthday or anything about his birth. Honestly, I think it is a coping mechanism. Have you ever heard the saying "We aren't given anything we can't handle"? I really don't think my aunt would be able to deal with the details of his birth or else she would remember. I think one day it will come to her. In her own time. Ya know? I hope this makes you feel little better. You are not alone!

[loislane]

I remember the birth of my son only because I woke up during the labor. It was an induced labor. "I heard them say, Might as well go ahead and get it here, instead of waiting for it." I woke up during the labor and my hands and feet were strapped down. I was scared and didn't know what was happening. They gave me another shot and I remember waking up in the hospital room. I had him three wonderful days in the hospital. I told them I wasn't giving him up. On the third day they took me back to the FCH without my son and I never saw him again. He was 31 on April 1, 2005. I have been trying to find him since he was two. This was in Georgia.

[restalyne]

Yes, I did until my son returned....and then the memories came flooding back...I remembered minute by minute the events of my pregnancy and birth..and the worst poart was the memory of leaving him...buried emotions, memories...