[DisownedRocker]

Everywhere I go, everything I do, reminds me of him. I just want to find some closure and move on. I want to have a conversation for once, and his name not even be mentioned. Even things I wouldn't think of remind me of him. Looking my bf in the eyes gets harder and harder everyday-as Z has his gorgeous blue eyes. I hear a song on the radio and somehow it's about my little boy, or related to in some way. I see baby things in the store and I want to buy them and send them to him. How do you let go and move on, when you're constantly being reminded of it???

[Tigger27]

I wish I had some great insights or quick fix it cure to offer you, but I don't. I can only offer my ear to listen to you if you'd like to vent or talk to someone. I placed my two daughters that are 2 and about 4 mos old so I've been where you are to some extent and I can understand that it's hard and you want to be able to let go, move on and have this hard part of your life/emotional process over with, but it doesn't get over with until you really allow yourself to grieve.

I would like to tell you there's hope, I do believe there is hope that things will get easier to cope with for you as time passes, but I can't guarantee you that hope because you have to find that hope within yourself. You can also gain that hope, support and encouragement from your family, friends, bf and others. I would say that your best bet for getting closure to some extent and moving on with your life, would be to talk about it with a counselor, perhaps, your bf, your family and don't try to make it go away right now because you want it to go away right now.

You have to allow yourself to process through your emotions and allow yourself to grieve over placing your child for adoption and not having them as part of your life anymore. If you feel like you haven't made much progress in life or that you're stuck somewhere on the road of life, I would suggest looking into counseling. Maybe you need someone like possibly a counselor to help you through this.
I'm sorry that you have to go through this, but unfortunately there is no easy way out and no instant fix it cure to make it just go away.

An analogy I like to use when referring to this grief/emotional process you have to go through after placing your child for adoption to get some closure and be able to move on - I like to think it's like you're in the middle of a desert and there's no way out, but to go through it. You can try to go around it, over it, find a shortcut, but there's no way out except to walk through that desert to the other side where there's cool, wet green grass. There's oasises that you can stop at (i.e., family,friends,counselors etc.) to fill your canteen (heart,soul, yourself) with water (hope/positive perspective etc.) that can help you to make it to that cool, wet green grass, but there are no shortcuts through that desert.

Good Luck

Anne

[Montraviatommyg]

Tigger27 has really said it all - I was in the opposite situation that I didn't have anybody to talk with about my bson's adoption. Both situations can be equally difficult.

All I can say is it does get easier with time to cope and life does go on even though you never forget your child. My bson is 23, we are in reunion and yet I found Mother's Day (6th March in the UK) so hard to cope with but having responses from you and others helped me stop feeling sorry for myself. That says it all that you personally can make people feel better.

Hugs,
Montravia

[blankenb4]

Tigger27 has some great advice. You've got to realize that it hasn't been that long. And you do need to grieve or it will come back to haunt you. The grieving process is necessary so that you can better deal with the placement in the long run. Life will go on. In time it will be easier to cope with. You will never forget.

Hugs,

Barbara

[DisownedRocker]

Thanks for all your support. I know I haven't given it enough time, but right now I don't see time being on my side. I guess I'm just protecting myself from the grieving process because,honestly, I don't want to grieve. I know how I get when I get depressed, and how hard it is for me to get out of depression, I guess you could say I lack coping skills!! As hard as I'm trying not to grieve, slowly but surely, day by day, it is creeping up on me. Every time I see something that reminds me of him, the reality of it all hits harder and harder.

[Montraviatommyg]

Just remember it's still earlier days, there is no time limit to grieving - remember there are plenty of us thinking of you through this difficult time. Keep posting though no matter how you feel - it really does help.

Montravia