[Volfe]

Good lord, my phone rang tonight and it was my kids father.... Hadn't heard from him in 4 yrs. Now he wants to get his life straight... and back... wants to be dad again.

Well guess what buster. One kid doesn't want to talk to you. The other one does and she can but there's nothing like feeling sorry for yourself and hoping everyone will adapt to that.

I told him the one doesn't want anything to do with him (he's hoping to change her). I told him I was not furious since I just didn't care about him to BE furious.

He closes with how he's been clean one week. Yes, that inspires me to want to have the kids be 'yours' again...

It's kinda like when he told me he wanted me back (pre-divorce) but first he had to tell me how he cheated on me.... 4 times...

Hah.

What the heck do I do...

Sigh

[Ragnarok]

Tell him to get bent. (JMHO).

[BrandyHagz]

Honestly, Maia, I’d tell him you’ll support him having a relationship with the girls, if that’s what the girls want…but that you’ve been down that road with him in the past, and its not a road your willing to travel again.

One week is honorable, but its not enough to constitute a lifestyle change.

If this is someone you really think you might want to be with…tell him to call you back when he’s been sober more than a year.

[79nic]

(((((((Maia.)))))))))

[Volfe]

Thanks yall...

I don't care to ever see him again, personally...

I've still got such disbelief that he has the notion that he can pick up where he left off... or that's what I got out of it. I mean, for reasons that I will not digress on, he will never be with allowed to be alone with them...

In his mind, he is always the victim...

But one kid still loves him. Erg.

So for 4 yrs I've paid all the bills, what's 4 more? I really wanted to tell him to bugger off.
Although I control the shots here, and heck, he might not call again... I was so stunned I nearly laughed in his face. I just feel mixed up...

I'm thinking he better get his pen out and start writing them. But he will never win the one back... and I have nothing to do with that.

Maia

[Lindsie]

Originally posted by Ragnarok
Tell him to get bent. (JMHO).

Right on Brad! I agree!

[Volfe]

Should I say, OK... after you pay me the $20k your in arrears on I've got a message for you...

And THEN tell him!

Not letting him near the kids tho.



I think I'm irritated that he even called.

[wanttobeparents]

He isn't by chance my ex, is he? Mine pulled the same type of stunt on me when I filed for divorce. Thank goodness we had no children involved, but I believe his next wife went through the same promises after several stays in rehab. He ususally called me at 2am making more promises to me with his wife and kids in the other room. I was always shaken up after his calls. I finally moved and left no forwarding address to get rid of him.

Stick to your guns. Tell him to write to the kids until he's been clean for a year. Then tell him to pay the 20 grand or get bent.

Peggy

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Want me to go check it out?

I feel for ya chickie!

[tobeafamily]

I like Brad's advice LOL

Seriously Maia hugs. Addicts are always victims, that's part of their 'thing' that gives them permission to use. This is the same whether their vice is Alcohol, Prescription, or street substances.

As for what to do, I'm lost here. If it were me, I'd tell him part of being a parent is to support your kids and have him start coughing up some $$. Then I'd do phone calls only, and see where it goes. Prepare your kids for him to disappear again, though.

No firsthand experience, other than the addict part.

Hang in

Regina

[DisownedRocker]

honestly, I'd tell him to get bent!! My parents were divorced by the time I was 2 years old, my father had the disappearing act down pat. He never payed my mother child support, either. My stepfather basically raised me. One day, I finally told my father that I didn't see him as a father anymore, I told him I call him "mike" and my stepfather "Dad". I basically freed him of his responsibility's that he never took the time to be responsible for anyway. I haven't had any problems w/ him since,he pretty much got the point and now he's out of my life--for good. Tell him it's too late, there's no way to make up for lost time. Remind him the only memories the girls have of him are memories of him not being there.

[michellemartin]

Sorry I missed this thread earlier. I'm really sorry he's jumping back in now. Mostly since it's been a WEEK! And because I also dont feel that a week is a lifestyle change. Then course in a month or two after he disappears again, it'll really hurt the younger one. No matter how much you try to prepare them for that happening, a kid really doesnt understand till it happens. Its his own fault your older child doesnt want anything to do with him. Again I suggest you tell him letters and no phone. Then he'll have to make the effort to write to them, stamp it, and get it all the way to the mail box. If he consistenly makes that effort, then maybe calls. Also letters can be read for content before handing them to a young child. A phone call gives him lots of leeway to say whatever pops into his head.