[bromanchik]

You are welcome. Anytime. I really mean that.

And congratulations. It sounds very good.

[Volfe]

That's GREAT Nicole!!!!

Why don't you also read a book and record it for the girls and put it in the tape recorder...(and include the book).

I'm so glad for you!!

Hugs!!

Maia

[MNelson]

Nicole, I'm so glad that you are feeling some peace and that your relationship with Marie's aparents have taken another step in trust-building. I've been thinking about you so often. I can't imagine the anxiety that birthparents live with in the fact that aparents have so much control over the relationship. As you have shown, sometimes you have to just let go to achieve the peace that the fears are obscuring.

Please know that this aparent wishes our son's birthparents would communicate more of their needs and wishes, and dread that they are going without something they want because they hold the fear of retribution.

[spitzlvr]

Nicole,

I am just a lurker on this thread, but I wanted to pop in and tell you how happy I am that it looks like things are going in a good direction for you. What a wonderful Christmas present!!!

[sugarbabysmommy]

Smiling for you, for all of you.

[Sarah0518]

Nicole, so glad you got such a good response to your letter.

Wanted to make a suggestion about the clothing issue you had asked about. My mil works retail and sometimes childrens items come thru marked down under $2 too. She'll mark them down, then set them aside and buy them herself. She donates them at Christmas to the Christmas Mother program. It let needy parents pick out items donated for their Children so they will have Christmas presents. Maybe there is something similar in your area.

[michellemartin]

Nicole, Congrats on sending the letter! (sorry I've been MIA for a couple days) and YAY! On the responce! So glad it worked out for all of you.

PS seconding Maia's idea of reading a story and including it in the tape player!

[79nic]

Thanks, everyone.

Funny thing... my cold (which I came down with the weekend I last visited with D and Y and Marie and Maya), disappeared this week.

I think I was turning a corner with it anyway, but maybe lifting that bit of stress off my shoulders allowed my immune system to kick into gear and fight the last of it off? I dunno.

Anyway... Sarah, good thoughts on the kids' clothes. Maybe I'll try to split some between a place like that and a place for foster kids. I've just really got foster parents/kids on my heart lately.

And Maia... Yeah, awesome idea about the tapes and tape recorder. Now I just have to figure out which books to read! Oh, this could be fun!

[janetleigh78]

I have to say
#1 is there any quantitative evidence that those adoptees are at peace etc. We don't know that they're not covering a world of hurt or that they're afraid of what they might find.

#2 our emotions distort our persective of the world. If you feel negatively about yourself, you doubt your worth, you will not see her love and her need for you.

#3 her emotions are coloring her perspective as well. This will affect the way she acts around you. Sometimes people have a well of emotions and love for a person but can't open up about it because they're not ready or they're afraid they are not loved or needed... just like you feel.

Thats not the definitive list of what could be going on but you see that there are so many factors playing into your situation that you can't make any changes based on the way it looks on the surface. You ARE important. You ARE needed. You ARE valuable. You started out on this pathway and removing yourself could be catastrophic for you and her. Take your time making decisions. Be calm, patient, and centered. Look for your answers in your longterm goals (my most common oversight). Be steady and stay the course. Integrity and stability will make your love known even stronger for your child. Its hard. Its painful. But its the only true path in your life. Anything else would be lying to yourself and create shame.

GOOD LUCK!!! And HUGS!!!

[tobeafamily]

Nic,

Yay!

One thought: Don't pick "Brown Bear Brown Bear" as the first book you read. It's possibly the most maddening children's book ever.

Glad you didn't give up. Fight the fights worth fighting, I think someone said.



Regina