[stacyone]

Jenna... not a bparent, but always here...

--Stacy

[spaypets]

Jenna... not a bparent, but always here...

Ditto. I pm'd you. ((HUGS))

[BrandyHagz]

I wish I had more to offer…Its been a few years since I have been where you ladies are. I had to separate myself from it all together, and just give myself some time to heal. I still kept in contact with M’s mom…but our contact was more of a friendship type contact, rather than adoption type contact.

I just told her I needed some time to come to terms with things…she totally understood.

For me, the two years following placement are a blur…Jerrett was very sick…so my focus was on him. Sometimes I wonder if that’s the only way I made it thru. I’ve never really felt anything but joy for M and her family…I knew from the moment I got pregnant that I couldn’t parent her. But it doesn’t make it any easier…I still had a lot of guilt…especially when life started to turn around…I felt very ashamed that I had to make the choice I did…but I still know in my heart that the choice I made was the best one for everyone.

I find myself now, wondering how things will be in the coming years. I know how they were for me as an adoptee…and frankly it’s a little scary…I just hope that her having the loving parents that she does eases a lot of the issues she is bound to face as she heads into adolescence. I can only hope that like me, she is spared the identity issues that are sometimes common in adoption, because of the openness of our relationship. I hold onto that…probably more than I should.

[SchmennaLeigh]

I hurt today. A day off. Alone. My heart hurts. My head hurts (migaine a'coming).

I talked to J and D last night. Munchkin's Dad, J, went on and on about how I just need to ignore people and how people have given him a hard time about adoption... and everything he said made me feel worse. I have errands to run today. But I can't. I can't leave the house.

I guess it doesn't matter. I just need to suck it up and deal with it. It might help if I knew what "it" specifically was but oh well.

Thanks for listening to me over the past few days. I know I'm no fun to be around right now.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Sigh.

I love how the Hotline number for my county/town in Ohio is from the counseling service that I went two on my second try... the one that told me I had it good and should get over it.

Sigh.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

OMG! I am so sorry. ((Jenna))

[michellemartin]

Jenna, the last couple days have seemed pretty crappy for you. It will get better. A bill descrepancy and they drop you! What the ****!!!! If you feel up to it call and ask for a grievance form. I dont think that should be allowed at all. Anyway, I'm here yet if you need anything. Dont be afraid, you're not alone.

[Lisachick]

((((Jenna))))) I don't know what to say except that I am in a similiar spot. I wish that I could give you a real life hug, but just know that I'm thinking of you and you're in my prayers.

[Jackiejdajda]

Jenna I keep thinking of you.. I hope you got through today okay..

Not alone.

Jackie

[Skye Hardwick]

(((Hugs)))

I'm sorry that you are hurting now. So many of us walk along this journey with you, in our own different ways.

It is almost time to celebrate my daughter's six birthday ... and also time for me to grieve my sixth year as a firstmother. I look back though all I've been through and what trips me up the most is knowing what I know now ...but no one told me then. All the pain that could have been prevented ... or even just for the sake of me knowing that it was coming or it was "normal" .. what I wouldn't give ...

To know that when I surrendered my daughter, I surrendered a part of myself. When I signed her away, I also signed a part of myself -- when you lose a part of yourself, it's almost as if everything inside of you ... every bone, every thought and feeling, every memory and dream .. grieves with you. It scrambles to make sense of it all, but it's senseless. Our legal systems understands the word and meaning of adoption ... but our hearts do not.

*Sigh*

I hope for better days for you. For all of us.

Skye

[SchmennaLeigh]

I just wanted to apologize for upsetting Volfe with this thread. I am pondering deleting. Who knows.

[Volfe]

if you delete it i wouldn't be able to come read it when I need it.

I'm gonna Pm you though.
I'm upset with life not anything here.

Maia

[michellemartin]

((((((MAIA)))))) ((((((((JENNA))))))))