[jikaf]

Hi

My 26 year old husband just found his birth mom last week and since they have spoken several times on the phone. They have already exchanged photos and letters and they are both very excited about getting to know each other. I am going to make a special scrapbook for my husband to send to his birth mother all about him and his life growing up. Now she basically knows nothing about him- so I want to make this book very special for her. Do you think she will like this? What sorts of things should I include in the book? I know some basics like his favorite foods, colors, activites, etc. But I need some help. What are the things you most wanted to know about your birthchildren?

Thanks so much!

Jess

[michellemartin]

I think she'll love it!

Things to include...
First bday eating the cake
taking a bath as a baby/small child
first day of school
graduations
music recitals/concerts


Oh, just go through the scrapbook aisle! They have something for everything, and if you've got photos for it, just go ahead and grab it!

[paigeturner]

Wonderful, thoughtful idea. To add to Michelle's list:

Don't forget one of those cute pictures where teeth are missing, pictures of prom and how about copies of awards or good report cards and grade school art projects!

[Irelandlover]

I personally dont think there are any bad ideas of what you could put in the book. Why dont you ask your husband to help? Make it together. I think the bmom would love it!
lin

[Kindreds]

My daughter and I shared the list of questions on this website - It was very helpful. We did not do all of them at once but did a few at a time sharing back and forth.
http://www.rootsweb.com/~genepool/oralhist.htm

[julie23]

Hi...

I think a scrapbook is an AWESOME idea!! Maybe include journaling that tells those famous childhood stories... that she would love to hear... we all have those stories that our parents tell at the most inopportune time... I would love to hear those about my daughter...

you might think about just sending some loose photo's as well... I have 3 girls that I am raising... and my home is full of framed photos of these girls..... but I don't have any of my oldest... it seems like we all have tons of extra 5 x 7 school pictures... and olan mills pictures.... I would love to have those to put in frames..

my daughter has not been to my home yet... but I know that when she does come, she will surely feel left out.... and that is only because I don't have the pictures... In spite of asking for them!!

j

[the_butterfly]

It's a wonderful idea! I'm sure she will be more thankful then she'll have words to express it.

One of the things I wanted to know was what happened from the time I left my daughter in the hospital until her adoptive family received her. I don't know why this was important, but it was.

My daughter's adoptive mother has made a scrapbook for me. I haven't gotten it yet but I can tell you... when I heard she had done this, my heart melted with thankfulness for her afamily. Your thoughtfulness won't be unrewarded.

}i{ Butterfly

[Fayette]

You can start by NOT calling us "birth" moms. I consider myself the mother of my son. It bothers me not that his so-called adoptive mother probably doesn't me calling myself my son's mother, but here's the fact. I AM my son's mother!

Since my child was born in 1978 I AM my son's mother. Stop buying into the so-called "adoption" language that all the pro-adoption types support--"birth," "breeder," "incubator,"--like we're baby-making machines and nothing else. It's pitiful you people don't make any progress beyond continuing to buy in to the same old garbage adoption commerce social workers and lawyers inter alia keep throwing out to members of the public which is the same old degrading and belittling language to make us worse than we're already considered.

That would be a great start. Stop calling us by that word which infers we mothers of adoption child-loss are trash, tramps, whores, alcoholics, criminals, mental cases, and the like. Refer to your husband's mother who gave him life as something respectable, and refer to the rest of us mothers who gave life to [a] child[ren] who was/were ripped away from us against our will and placed out for adoption respectably.

Not only would this show progress on your part, but initiative to be your own voice and not merely mouth the same things others say. Be your own voice, and be respectable when you refer to mothers who've [a] child[ren] to adoption. NOT all of us wanted to part with our child[ren]. Consider this fact. Thanks.


Fayette

[julie23]

jess...

you don't deserve that last post.... I think your post here reflects a huge amount of respect for your husbands first mother....

Just that you have come here.... and asked for advice from others that have lost children to adoption speaks highly of your motives...

Terminology is a tricky part of adoption.... and I have discovered that I serve myself and my daughter well... if I ask her what she thinks about things.... what she is comfortable calling me... what she wants to call other members of her birth family..... every situation is totally different....

what offends one might not offend another...

I commend you for the support you are offering your husband as he goes into this reunion...

julie

[RiverGal]

Originally posted by Fayette:

You can start by NOT calling us "birth" moms. I consider myself the mother of my son. It bothers me not that his so-called adoptive mother probably doesn't me calling myself my son's mother, but here's the fact. I AM my son's mother!

Great. That is YOUR choice. Please extend the same courtesy you are asking for by speaking for YOURSELF. I am a BIRTHMOTHER...I have been a BIRTHMOTHER for 33 years. I am comfortable with the term and do not you to be a spokesperson for me.

I find it questionable that a first-time poster would jump on a thread and rip someone to shreds for trying to do a good deed.

C'mon, ladies...am I the only one here who feels stepped on because this newbie (or troll) chooses to lamblast the term BIRTHMOTHER???

~D <--a proud BIRTHMOTHER

[Jackiejdajda]

MissngLinkInFL wrote..Please extend the same courtesy you are asking for by speaking for YOURSELF.

Yes!

I could not even read that woman's post..

It makes me angry that we are divided by a word.. How in the heck can we sort anything if we are not allowed to call ourselves the term that has been used since 1975.
There is a wealth of information for birthparents in CUB (Concerned United BIRTHPARENTS).. A wealth of information some women will not see.. Will not read..

I think some of my old friends on the internet are angry with me because I have decided to use the term birthmom to tell who I am..
But darn.. All the books call us birthparents.. Solinger calls us birthparents.. Anne Babb uses the term birthparents..
Such a lot of wonderful wonderful 'stuff' to learn and some will not look because of a darn term..

Pisses me off.


Jackie

[FL_GirlByProxy]

Fayette ~ When did you become the rule maker here? Have I missed something? I am a birthmother. I have been a birthmother for over 19 years. I use the term with fondness and pride. I love my son's mom and dad. They are his parents, I am his birthmother. That is what we are comfortable with, and that is what we use. My family and friends know what the term birthmom means to me. It means that I did my very best to bring a healthy boy into this world, amidst pressure, chaos, shame and uncertainty. And once he was born, I made the most difficult decision of my life, so that he would have a good life. I love him that much, with every fiber of my birthmother being. I am his birthmom, and I will ALWAYS be his birthmom.

Jess ~ What an awesome endeavor, to do this for her. Let's see, what would I like to know someday:

1.) Ability traits, is he mechanical or does he have more of a "bookish" sense about him?

2.) Favorite movies, actors, actresses.

3.) Trace his hand on a blank sheet of paper.

I am going to think a little more and reply in a little bit. This is fun to think about! Thanks Jess!!

Fayette,

I am the adoptee...I am the result of anyone being a mother...I shall call her what I feel comfortable with...no one and I mean no one will tell me what to call her...I call her birth mother...and to call my parents so called aprents is a huge slap in the face to me, my great parents and my children.....you want respect you gotta give it!

Jess, I think what you are doing is very thoughtful...what does he say about it?

[lyndalou]

Hi Jess, I'm a birthmother & my son & I are one year into a very happy reunion. I am comfertable with being called a "birthmother" & am delighted that my son was blessed with wonderful, loving adoptive parents. Not "so called" parents. They parented him when I was unable to do so. Relinquishing him was the most loving thing I could do for him at the time. I call him my son, he now calls me Mom, as his A'mom is deceased. It only matters to the individual what we call each other. Semantics can be very tricky in some circles.
Back to your original question, about the scrapbook. My son & his wife made one for me & brought it when we first met. It was wonderful for me. They tried to show everything I had missed, baby photos, school photos, those Christmas cards that people have done of the family(I love those) birthdays & special occasions as well as photos of him through his adult life too. I was enthralled. It helped me to see what a stable, loving environment had been in place for him. How kind of his wife to put this in place for me. He helped too, of course, but she has been very supportive in everything. It would have been a very different outcome without her support. Your efforts will be greatly appreciated. I even take that album to the cottage with me, it gives me great comfort & I love to show it off!

[Mil]

Jess - what a thoughtful thing to do! His BIRTHMOTHER will LOVE it! I'm 3 yrs. into a reunion with my son and the pictures I got are priceless.

Fayette - please just speak for yourself. I like the term 'birthmother'. I gave birth to my son. And yes, he's still my son. But he is also the son of his adoptive parents. There is no need for such hatred. This is suppose to be a place for adoption support - please show some!