[jikaf]

Hi

I have posted a couple other times in other folders. To give a brief recap, my 26 year old husband has been suffering his whole life from the loss of his birth family. He was adopted as an infant but didn't have a very happy childhood and has never been a happy person. He desperately wanted to find his birth family so we hired a private investigator. She located his birth mother and grandmother last week. The address and # was wrong for his bmom but he was able to contact his maternal grandmother and has since spoken several times on the phone to her. (they live in a different province from us). His bmom was only 17 when she had my husband and her mother told him that it was the hardest thing she ever had to do and has suffered years of depression because of it. She also said she would like to be the one to tell her daughter that we had found them. So my husband wrote a nice heartfelt letter to her and we sent pictures of him from the time he was a baby until now. They recieved the stuff yesterday and his grandmother told his mother about him. His grandmother then phoned him last night to tell him what happened. She said his bmom does not want to contact him at this time and possibly there may be a chance for some sort of relationship in the future but maybe not even this year. She is apparantly going through a difficult time right now with her 16 year old son (who by the way sounds a lot like how my husband was when he was that age). She has been divorsed for 5 years and her ex got remarried to a lady who has 4 kids so her son is having trouble with that, therefor he is acting out. Her son does not know about my husband. I know how badly he wanted to talk to his bmom and I can't even imagine the pain he was feeling last night when he found out she doesn't want to speak to him...yet. I told him it will probably happen that she will one day want to contact him, and it sounds like she is going through alot right now. But because I have never had a child, or had one and put it up for adoption, I don't have a clue what she is feeling right now. So that is why I came here. Can any of you please tell me what she might be going through so I can tell my husband and maybe make him feel a bit better. He doesn't understand why she doesn't want to talk to him.....

Thanks everybody

Jess

[michellemartin]

there is an article here somewhere called Why wont my birthmother meet me? (at least I'm pretty sure thats what its called) You could probably do a search for it. It was posted by thesearchguru. Sorry I only placed a few months ago, into an open adoption, so I dont have much advice.

[michellemartin]

I should have just done it the first time! I should have known I couldnt help myself and I'd find it for you... here's the link.

Article of Interest: Why Won't My Natural Mother Meet Me?