[brknhrt19]

My parents are living in their own worlds where everything is fine now and their guilt of forcing me to give up my son is only shown behind closed doors. I have no support from my son's father...whom I am still with. I can't do this by myself, I won;t survive. It hurts so bad. I'm so scared, I can't do this. I miss him so much. He belonged with me. If not my parents then I need my son's father, but he won't grieve with me. He won't support me, being there through the nightmares. He won't talk about it and I feel so uncomfortable coming to him. I won't survive 17-20 more years of this. I won't.

[skippy10smith]

I feel your pain like no other possibly can. I too was forced to give up my son 9 years ago in July. I am only 28. Like yourself, I did not know how I would and could possibly survive without him. I remember everything like it happened yesterday. You sit and listen to everyone that tries to give you advice, yet, they have never been in the position you are in now. I can only offer you my own trials and feelings of great loss and help you see how I have kept going these past 9 years. There were years after losing my son that I felt guilty of success, because that only showed me that we would have been OK together. It took someone special entering my life that taught me it was OK to go on. I live every day of my life to lead me to that one day of our reunion. I think my child will wonder about me and create some kind of image of me in his mind, and when he does find me, I want to have lived up to that. I cant feel guilty or ashamed of success over life itself.
You have to live every day for him, you have to keep going so that when the time comes when he wants to meet you and know you, you are there. I have drawn strength from him, I know that if I can live every day of my life without my son, I can live without any man and be OK. Therefore, I am not a women who will be taken advantage of, ignored or abused. And neither are you. You have done a very unselfish act. You sacrificed your happiness for that of your childs. It is OK now to be selfish, and hurt, and cry for your loss. You have given your child the life you wanted him to have, but could not provide yourself. Waking up on Christmas morning with mom and dad there, birthday celebrations with family on both sides without any tention, growing up without having to spend weekends here and weekends there.
Dont let people try to convince you it is something you will eventually "get over". Because you never do. It is simply a pain you get used to living with each day. And I promise you this, the pain does eventually weaken. My son is always in my thoughts, not one day goes by that I dont think of him and pray to god he is OK. It is the not knowing that can drive you crazy. Instead of focusing on that, focus on what you have done as a parent. It was your responsibilty to provide him with a great life, and you have done that. He is in a home with stability and love, you have bettered his life. I am not saying that the two of you would not have been Ok together. I know my son and I would have made it being together. But, our children deserve a childhood with fun memories, where they dont have to grow up so early. Where they dont have to be in daycare 8-10 hours a day while we go to work to support us. Sometimes, love just isnt enough.
I know how bad it hurts, and it always will. I allow myself on his birthday and at Christmas to cry all I want, to let myself feel the pain I conceal the rest of the time. It is either that, or just go crazy all together.
You will go on, you will go on for him. Live your life for the day he finds you. Dont let your parents or your boyfriend hold you back from that. As I said before, if you can live every day of your life without your son, you can live without any of them. Become the person he will think you are, so when the time comes and you two are reunited, he will be proud of his birthmom and he will be forever thankful for what you did for him. Please feel free to email me anytime at abbyrsmith@hotmail.com. I really do know exactly how you feel, I havent met anyone else that can relate to my feelings, obviously you havent either. I hope this helps you. If you feel you cant go on without him, then go on for him.

I really feel for you. It has been eighteen years since I went through what you are going through but time does not take away the memory of the pain. Before I relinquished my rights I was agonized over changing my mind and getting him back. I did not but it was, as in your case, because of a lack of support. Noone forced me to give him up but noone was there for me either.

The last response you received said it the best. I do not know if you have relinquished your rights yet but if you are set that this is the way it is, that he is adopted, then you absolutely should live your life so that you will be the person you can be. I would strongly suggest you talk to someone about this. You need to talk about what you are feeling and have it acknowledged that you just lost the most important person in your life and you need to grieve. While he is not gone forever he is gone from your everyday life and that is a pain unimaginable to most people. Just because he was not planned does not make him any less your son.

I hope you have someone to talk to even if it is online. You need support. I wish you all the best and write if you want to.
shaun

[Jackiejdajda]

brknhrt19 wrote.. I'm so scared, I can't do this.

There are wonderful birthmoms on the net who can help you..

I urge you to stay with us and seek out help from us who understand.

It can be done.. The greiving can be done..

I am so very sorry you are going through this..
I wish no one had to go through this.


Jackie

[bizwoman]

It has been 24 years since I gave up my children, wow, 24 yrs, doesn't seem like that long... the pain is still just as fresh as it was then, I still cry at night, I would not wish this on my worst enemy.

I only wish I had been strong enough to go against everyone and keep my children. I have more children now and they have always known about their brother and sister. When asked how many children I have, I always include them. No matter what, they are mine in my heart.

I am so sorry for your pain, I had no support either.

Take care,
Brenda

[SchmennaLeigh]

Just so you know, you are not alone. While the women here may not be physically there they can still offer amazing support through the darkest of times.

[twitchytally]

I feel so sorrry about the hell youre in, but others do understand having gone through it, and still do. There is no magic solution to overcoming it, but get as much support as you can, be it the boards, or nearer home, family, councelling, church, wherever you feel comfortable talking, it might be that your family, and the baby`s father aslo feel pain over their loss and are just hiding it.
Just be as strong as you can, knowing you will always be a bmum
to youre child, who will probably want to know you when old enough, keep on fighting for that. Hang in there, hug for u.
lynne