[SchmennaLeigh]

I start therapy tomorrow. Today and tomorrow are my "weekend" from the News Station, so I should be using this time to relax. But I'm a bundle of nerves. Shaking nerves! I spilled soup on my leg when I was carrying it to the table because I was shaking so badly.

I hate having to share my story again. Not only my adoption story, but my entire sordid past. I have things that I am not proud of, things that I wish hadn't happened to me and things I wish I hadn't made happen. I realize that a therapist is a professional who is not there, in any way, to judge me, but this does not calm my fears.

I hate reliving these moments, over and over again. I hate talking about the fact that I was hospitalized in 2002. I hate talking about the night that I barely remember. And none of that even relates directly to the adoption. Yet, due to the fact that she is a doctor and a licensed professional, I have to go over my entire medical and mental histories.

I'm trying to be strong, of course, because that's who I am. However, things like this often bring me down. Thankfully, my fiance has the day off tomorrow and is driving me there and back so that I don't have to do this entirely alone.

Just think good thoughts/say a prayer for me tomorrow. I'm doing the right thing, obviously, but it sucks! Grr.

[paigeturner]

Jenna,

I will be thinking of you and I wish you well. I don't post here much, but I do read this forum constantly. Your posts always touch me. I hope you find the peace you're looking for.

Paige

[Jackiejdajda]

Jenna I hated going for therapy.. I hated the first days of it.. I hated bringing up all those awful feelings..

But it was worth it.. I am at peace today..

What a wonderful thing you are doing sharing about it here..

Jackie

[Nicole28]

I'm proud of you - therapy is something I want (and need) to do, I just haven't "gotten there" yet.

I'll be thinking of you, keep us updated.


Nicole

[missingmyboy]

I hope you are feeling a bit better now that the first session is behind you. How did it go?

Shell

[SchmennaLeigh]

I'm still unsure.

I scheduled my second appointment.

However, she made this sound as though it could be "solved" in, to quote her, " a few sessions."

I don't know. She made me feel like I"m overreacting maybe? I don't know.

[SchmennaLeigh]

I am so filled with anxiety that I almost can't function. I don't sleep anymore until I am finally so exhausted after three or four days of little-to-no-sleep that I simply collapse. I can't eat. When I do, I gorge and then get sick. My chest is SO TIGHT that it physically hurts.

[michellemartin]

Hi Jenna, I had a doctor once tell me my feelings where - oh great now I cant remember the word she used- but anyway she basically said I was overreacting and that my feelings were not based on anything "real". Well my feelings were very real to me. It hurt me very much for her to say that to me. Since then I have never really gotten over my fear... Oh thats what she said- my feelings were irrational. She did not take the time to learn my past, so her telling me that IMO was totally wrong! Hope that your counselor doesnt make you feel like what you are feeling is wrong to feel or that you shouldnt feel that way. It is how you feel so she should help you with that, and not tell you you shouldnt feel that way. If she does say something like that let me know and I'll call and yell at her!

I've felt like that before. A few years ago I was soooo depressed that I called my boss and had to tell him I couldnt come to work. I was unable to function on any level and for almost a whole week I just laid there on the couch not doing anything except cry. Thankfully my boss already knew what was going on and understood.

Maybe, by a few sessions she will help you to know what to do with your feelings so seeing her will be unneccessary, I really hope she wasnt trying to make your feelings not valid, because they are.

[bromanchik]

Jenna,
You do not have to dreadge up everything in your past. If the issues you are dealing with are adoption related, then just say you wish to focus on those issues. No therapist wants you to relive painful experiences for their benefit. If they ask you could give a very brief, one sentence, explaination of what happened. Such as "I was hospitalized in *** for *** (whatever the diagnoses was.). If they press, just say the issues surrounding that event have been resolved.

Please remember that you have the power over what you do and do not share. I know you are feeling really vulnerable (I have been there), but having been on the other side of the table as a therapist, I know that no therapist worth their salt is going to pump you for information. They want you to share what you feel comfortable with. Remember this is like any other relationship. It takes some time to build trust.

Please pm me (or call me if you have my number). You can take this as slow as you need to.

[leaabc123]

Well, as someone with a mental health background. I worked as a therapist with teenage girls for several years. I am now at home with our foster baby.
I wanted to say that sometimes things can be related to each other but you just don't realize it.
However, you should be honest with the therapist if you are feeling that your pain/feelings were not being acknowledged.
Therapy is not alway going to be fun and indeed might be painful but you should always feel respected in the process.
Different therapists are trained and favor different styles of therapy. Do not be afraid to seek out someone who might have a different approach but I suggest discussing these issues with your current therapist first and seeing if she? is open to your thoughts and feelings.