[brknhrt19]

I have no one to talk to and I don't know how I'm suppose to cope or heal. It's been a year already and the pain I feel is the same as the day I gave my baby away. it was the biggest mistake of my life. And today, I can't even hold my son and wish him a happy birthday. How do you cope? how do you heal?

[numbr1dbcksfan]

((HUG))

I had the same reaction at one year...it was the same as the first day. I think the best way to heal is to talk about it and allow yourself to feel what you are feeling.

I see a lot of Birthmoms here say that it helps to write a journal for their child, so that you will be able to give it to him. Do you have a closed adoption or semi-opened? You could write him a letter to put in his file...

I am so sorry that everything is so hard. If I lived closer I'd offer you my shoulder.

((HUG)) again.
Christine

[SchmennaLeigh]

How do I cope? How do I deal?

Day to day.

Some days/weeks are great. I have a busy and mostly full life. I work crazy hours at a job/career that I do love. (Though, I'm considering a different path... which is causing me stress!) I frequnetly get involved in my favorite hobbies: scrapbooking, reading, singing, cooking, and decorating: in order to keep my mind busy.

During my bad days/weeks? I write. I get everything out. It's poison to keep it in.

Are you seeing a counselor/therapist at this time? It sounds as though you're keeping everything in due to your lack of a sufficient support system. I would encourage you to find a therapist/counselor to speak with at this time. If money is an issue, do realize that some work on sliding scales based on your income.

And you are definitely not alone.

[crayons]

I just wanted to let you know, you are being thought of, I know this is extremely hard to go through, you are not alone in here, hang in there. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! TO YOUR SON

Please keep posting and feel free to PM , brandy

[NikkiLGA]

God bless you, and bring strength and comfort to your heart. Happy Birthday to your son.

Love NikkiLGA

[grnstangprinces]

My son is 10 and birthdays (mine and his), Christmas and Mother's Day are the hardest days for me. Even though I tell everyone to leave me alone, it is really the last thing I want. Being around family and friends makes it better. I didn't do this and I wish I would have and still might start. If you plan on seeing your son when he is old enough, start now buying a birthday card for him, write in there how you feel today, keep it in a box with the ones for years to come. Even if in the future you don't see him at least you are able to get your feelings of love "out to him" in a way.

I don't know if this will help but we have all been there, and unless someone has been through it they don't know how it must feel.

[wroughtnharv]

How do you cope? how do you heal?

I like to compare emotional healing to the physical kind.

It's kinda sorta funny about us human beings. If you were in a car accident and had a fractured pelvis. And the doctor told you walking wouldn't be an option for six months you'd accept the prognosis and look forward to the six months being behind you.

But if you have an emotional catastrophe it isn't as easy to see time as the healer. But it is. And we have to accept that the pain is real, it is there, it hurts. It will get better with time.

You might want to read a story I wrote for a magazine and they've posted it here. It's about my daughter who's went through what you are going through. It was nine years ago last month.

Life goes on. She healed. She's married. She's got a beautiful baby boy that was born in June.

Healing isn't fun. It isn't easy. And sometimes it just seems to happen in spite of ourselves.

I live by the philosophy that everything is in a constant state of change. Therefore we embrace good moments because they will not last. And by the same token, we can endure the bad days because we understand that their minutes are numbered too.

http://birthfamily.adoption.com/birt...g-up-baby.html

[mom2GRLC]

I'm sorry you feel so much pain.

Today our adopted son turned 5. We've had him just over a year now and our adoption was finalized May2004. I've never met his birthmom. But i do think of her when ever I look at him and especially on special days like this. A part of me cries with her as I wonder how she must be feeling not having her son in her arms or to see him grow. I always pray that she is doing well and moving forward with her life and that where pain and sorrow once were she might find joy and happiness. And especially peace in knowing that her child is blessing a family in so many ways....that wasn't able to bear children of their own.

I'm sorry for your pain.....you are not alone....your decision even though it was the hardest thing you ever did....was right. You will be blessed for the sacrifice you made. When you think of how sad or alone you are.....or how much you are missing out on...just remember that a piece of you lives on. You have made the world a better place just by being in it. You have created the miracle of life. It is better to have lived and loved than to have never experienced it at all.

I sit on both sides of the fence. I have adopted and am in the process of adopting again. I have also loved and lost children that I have fostered. At times it was like giving my own child up for adoption. It is amazing the bond that can be built between a parent and child even when you are not blood related. At times I was angry at god for taking the child away from me or letting them go to a home I felt was dangerous and not capable of properly caring for them. But for each emptyness i felt.....with time that spot was filled with peace. I knew I served my purpose and I was greatful for the short amount of time I was able to be a part of that childs life.

I pray that you will find peace and comfort on this difficult day. Your heavenly father loves you and knows your every thought. Christ not only took upon himself our sins but also all of our sickness and heartache. He knows exactly how you feel and can heal that emptyiness that you feel with his love. I don't normally get all churchy to people I don't know.....But I really want you to know he loves you so much and he will never leave you alone even when you are in the depths of despair he will carry you through till you can walk on your own again.

May the love of christ make you whole....best of wishes to you.

I know how you must feel. I had seventeen birthdays but then I had the eighteenth with my son. It was too many years. My heart hurt but Iwas tol I should be over it. I never was. It is okay if you mourn the loss of your child beause you hav gone through so much. You will never get over this and that is okay. Put this in a place in your heart and hold him close forever. There he will be safe and nd he will be yours, in your heart, forever.
I did this and he knew it and he loved me. Love come throght anything because you are his mom.