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Originally Posted By

Does anyone ever feel like they're just dead inside?!? Like there is nothing left of themselves after placement? I'm going through that right now and I would love some advise on what to do about it. I want my life to go on...I want myself back...but the regrets, guilt, self-pitty, depression, feelings of loss, and horrific sadness refuse to even lessen so I can function! What can I do, how can I find a way to get back on track after I've lost my beautiful baby boy?!? Can anyone help me through this aweful time...PLEASE

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Originally Posted By linn

I know exactley how you feel...I'm going through the same thing...I placed 15mths ago...when did you place?
If you need to talk you can talk to me...msja2000@ivillage.com

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Originally Posted By CHRISTINE M.

I went right back to work, and forced myself to keep going. Keep yourself busy till you get to the point that the pain lessens. Its not acting like it never happened,but you have to get through life and you have to do what you need, to do that. Hang in there, Ive been there. It does dull, deal with the pain later, and keep your mind occupied...thats my advice.

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Originally Posted By jp

i placed 8 yrs ago and i felt like i would never be at peace again .i told my a.parents i will always be happy they are raising her and never try to interfere,but i did tell them my feelings about it.i had fears my daughter would feel rejected etc.the a.mom was so supportive and even let me see my daughter a few times.that really helped.then she was uncomfort. with visits cause we jumped into open adopt.so i closed it and now we read books and have agreed that if the child wants to see me when she asks her over the years,we will get together.time does heal,so does communication,openness and god.read the spirit of open adoption.i will pray for you!jp

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Originally Posted By birthmom chris

My son is 1.I write in a journal for him every night .I will give it to him when he's an adult.Scrapbooking also helps.Put together pictures & things for him.Let him know how you feel in words.I felt so bad after the birth that I felt like I wasnt worth feeding since their was no baby to feed anymore.It takes time.Counceling helped me so much & reaching out to others in the adoption world.Also reading about adoption helps so much.Edjucate yourself on our triad world.It is a long road to recovery,we need to stick together & help each other.

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Originally Posted By birthmom chris

I diagree.You are dealing wqith grief that is intense as death itsself no matter how open it is.You need to give yourself time to deeply grieve.You need time to cry & let out your emotions in a healthy way.Then you will begin to heal.

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Originally Posted By birthmom Chris

I to held my friends baby that was 4 months younger than my son.Visiting them was a major part of my empty arm healing process.

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Originally Posted By donna

You have made a good step...right here. Seek help from thoughs that have been through it. I am coming up on my 5 year anniversary. Its hard. But it has gotten easier over them 5 years. There is always going to be bad days but you know with being here you have friends and people to talk to. Get it out. Cry, laugh, share and enjoy others stories. Email - if you need a freind dboldt30@hotmail.com

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Originally Posted By

Do you know the names of any books that might help me out? I am stuck in this rut of sadness and I NEED to find something to help me crawl out of it. I am soooo depressed and I've gotten to the point that most days I can't even get out of bed! I don't even recognize the person I see staring back at me in the mirror anymore. Any advice you may have would be GREATLY appreciated!!!!! I'm looking for ANYTHING that might help right now. How can I possibly get through this?!? I feel like such an aweful person! In my head I know that this is the wrong thinking, but my heart won't seem to let me escape theese self torturing feelings. I HATE MYSELF RIGHT NOW!!! I'm scared that I'll never allow myself to feel whole or loved again. Sorry to vent like this, but thanks for listening to me...really, thank you Chris! So what books did you find helpful?

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Originally Posted By LIESERL

DEAREST CHRIS

PLEASE DO NOT HATE YOURSELF. THE FIRST STEP IS FORGIVING YOURSELF AND THUS LOVING YOURSELF AGAIN.
I AM SO SAD THAT YOU ARE IN SO MUCH PAIN. I LIVE IT
TOO. I FEEL LIKE NOBODY UNDERSTANDS OR REALLY EVEN WANTS TO. IT IS SO HARD TO BE A BIRTHMOTHER. GOD BLESS YOU AND KEEP YOU SAFE

LIESERL

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Originally Posted By birthmom Chris

First of all is your triad open or closed?I'd think that you should start reading about birth parent greif itself first.This sight has different pages that will let you know exactly what we are going through.Seeing the emotional stages in writing is such a big help.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Originally Posted By CHRISTINE M.

I went right back to work, and forced myself to keep going. Keep yourself busy till you get to the point that the pain lessens. Its not acting like it never happened,but you have to get through life and you have to do what you need, to do that. Hang in there, Ive been there. It does dull, deal with the pain later, and keep your mind occupied...thats my advice.

I am obviously out of my mind for reading these. Glutton. I know. But I suppose some good stuff, too.