[krissy07]

I gave birth to a beatiful baby girl on July 3 and today I must choose her parents and say good-bye. Somehow during my pregnancy I had convinced myself I could easily walk away, but I am overwhelmed with grief and an extreme feeling of loss. Although I know that I can not care for her my heart tells me no to let her go. It felt so good to hold her for the first time and to see the recognition in her eyes. The pregnancy was the result of sexual assault and I already have two wonderful young sons and am in a committed relationship with their father. The guilt is doubled because I am forcing all my emotions upon them. I hate that they must deal with my emotional roller coaster. I am so fearful that she will grow up and hate me for my decision. I haven't met the family but I know that I want to stay in contact with them and watch her grow from a distance. Hopefully one day she will want to meet me and I can tell her in person how much I truly love her. For now I want to start to heal as best as possible but have no idea where to begin. Any suggestions????????

[mamatokay]

Krissy,
I am so sorry you are going thorugh this, as an adoptive mom, the only thing I can tell you is KNOW that the adoptive family will love and cherish your daughter.

I would suggest that you request some conselling. Meet other birthmoms and get the support you will need to get through this.

My prayers are with you!

~Carol~

[AmyRae613]

Krissy,
i am a birthmom of 5 months. i remember how you are feeling...as it was not too long ago...i was in the same boat as you. i myself have no other kids or husband. but i know how it feels to hold your newborn and say that you do not want to place. you have to think what is best for the child. let the aparents know that you would like to have contact with your bchild. maybe you can agree to have some visitations...if they feel ok about that. i have a very open adoption. the aparents of my lil miss are great. just about anytime i want to come see her, i just need to call to make sure it is ok time for them. i get pictures all of the time. normaly every two weeks and then a stack of pictures when i have a visitation. really think about what you are doing. yes...it is a scarey thing...but in time...things will get easier. if you need to talk more about this...feel free to send me a PM. =)