[lilifelover]

Birthmothers,

Yesterday was Birthmother's day. If yours was anything like mine you know that only other birthmothers recognized that day or yourself. Some didn't even know about it! Today is different.

Today is Mother's Day.

You are a mother. You are your child's first mother. You brought your baby into the world and you have loved that child from day one until now. If that doesn't make you a mother I don't know what does!

The circumstances surrounding your adoption might all be different. There may be contact, there may be none. It may have been voluntary or not. You may feel awful about your decision or take pride in it. It might vary from day to day!

Regardless-you are your child's first mother. If no one else tells you today let me: Happy Mother's Day. Today is hard, I know. It's hard for me too. This is my first Mother's day...and it sucks. I kept busy and hung out with my own mother (and definately skipped "passing out roses to mothers" at church). The world will forget you and move on...or they will taunt you, or try to shame you...but just remember: YOU gave birth and YOU chose to give your child live. THAT, my friend, makes you a Mom.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom.

[79nic]

I have figured something out, today: I do not like Mother's Day.

But more than that, I figured out WHY I don't like it. It's not what you're thinking. It's not feeling sad about the loss of Marie.

When I first woke up this morning I went out for my morning cigarette (yes, back to that again) and had TWO MINUTES of sadness, and then it was over. Done. Completely gone.

So I figured out that it's not the sadness, not regret, nothing like that. You know what it is? It's the FAKENESS and AWKWARDNESS. Mother's Day is just some Hallmark holiday, made up by the card companies so they could sell more cards. That is yucky and fake. The great thing about being a mom is not this one day in the year, it's the little things that happen all along.

As for the awkwardness... It's inevitable when you're a birthmom. I truly wanted to be social today and see my family and Matt's. But when Mom suggested going out to a restaurant for dinner, I cringed. (We ended up staying at their house and BBQing, BTW... much better, anyway!) The thought of going to an over-crowded restaurant with my little new baby, Elise, and having everyone smile at me and making comments about "first Mother's Day" and maybe asking if Elise is my first just was NOT appealing. Not because I am in denial or have unresolved grief about Marie. No, it's because then I would have had to either a) participate in the fakeness of the day, put a smile on my face, and said "Yes, she's my first" (a lie, therefore fake), or b) tell the truth ("No, not my first... My first, I put up for adoption") and endure the stranger's look of wanting to sink through the floor.

Well, neither option is appealing. So I've decided something: For me personally, I am just not going to make a big deal, ever, about Mother's Day. I am going to be true to myself and spend the day how I want to spend it: surrounded by people I love (not in public)-- oh, and DEFINITELY no church!!!!!!!

K, off my little soapbox now. Lilifelover, thank you for the well wishes to all the bmoms.......... I echo them and would also like to say, "You will ALWAYS be your child's mother."

(((HUGS))) to us all.

[lilifelover]

Yes, you will ALWAYS be your child's mother.

I will always be my daughter's mother:
A court order cannot change that.
A set of APs cannot change that.
A placement cannot change that.
Relinquishment Papers cannot change that.
Any number of affidavits in the world cannot change that.

The situation may be different from others, but I will always be her mother and she will always be my daughter.

Just don't tell the APs.

[May]

Today really WAS a happy mother's day, probably for the first time. And the thing that made all the difference was church. I had stopped going to church on mother's day because they always give flowers to the mothers, and the first year I took one, but people who hadn't known me back in December when I gave birth looked at me like I was crazy, not to mention the fact that I was sobbing the whole time. One woman at church (now my fiance's mother) gave me her flower because she had her first child when she was a teenager, too. But it was all too emotional, so I stopped going. Lately I've been going to a new church, and I went today, not remembering that it was mother's day until I had driven halfway there and wasn't going to turn around and go home. I got there and saw a big vase full of red and white carnations, and cringed. During the little "Children's Sermon," given by a teddy bear puppet with a german accent (the pastor is too fun ) she brought the flowers over. I had decided not to say anything. Well, she then told the kids to give a flower to each woman in the congregation. During the little break where we greet each other, she went around telling every woman (even if she KNEW she had no children) happy mother's day. It was really touching. You just never know if someone has ever been a mother... women lose children to adoption, death, miscarriage... and the truth is, most women act like mothers to most of their friends and relatives, even if they choose to never have children. I spent the afternoon with my parents, who always tell me Happy Mother's Day. I went shopping with my mom, which is always fun.

Just like 79nic, it's not the loss of my child that makes me sad on Mother's Day, it's all the awkwardness! There's always some situation that makes me embarassed or uncomfortable. I usually end up feeling hurt that someone didn't say Happy Mother's Day to me, but today I heard it even more than I expected. I've figured it all out... I just need to surround myself with the right people on Mother's day, and it all works out.

[my_faith_marie]

yesterday, i spent my first and probably the last mother's day with my two daughters cause i'll be giving up my week old daughter for foster care and eventually for adoption in just a matter of days. it's tearing me apart..but im always reminded that this maybe the most painful decision that i'll have to make in my whole life, but this'll be at the same time the best....

[Judilyn]

Originally posted by lilifelover
Birthmothers,

Yesterday was Birthmother's day. If yours was anything like mine you know that only other birthmothers recognized that day or yourself. Some didn't even know about it! Today is different.

Today is Mother's Day.

You are a mother. You are your child's first mother. You brought your baby into the world and you have loved that child from day one until now. If that doesn't make you a mother I don't know what does!

The circumstances surrounding your adoption might all be different. There may be contact, there may be none. It may have been voluntary or not. You may feel awful about your decision or take pride in it. It might vary from day to day!

Regardless-you are your child's first mother. If no one else tells you today let me: Happy Mother's Day. Today is hard, I know. It's hard for me too. This is my first Mother's day...and it sucks. I kept busy and hung out with my own mother (and definately skipped "passing out roses to mothers" at church). The world will forget you and move on...or they will taunt you, or try to shame you...but just remember: YOU gave birth and YOU chose to give your child live. THAT, my friend, makes you a Mom.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom.

This is beautiful