[79nic]

Hi everyone,

Question for you... how do feel about the naming process for your birthchild? Did you name your son/daughter, or did the aparents, or did you collaborate? Do you wish you could have picked the final name? Did anyone here name their child and NOT have the a-parents rename him/her?

I was having a discussion on another board about names, and one of the p-amoms said she thought it was kind of selfish for Jessica (on 20/20) to ask the p-aparents about the name (Liam) she'd picked for her son. Why is that selfish? She has a right to know if they would rename him or not...... And even a right to not pick someone if they're not willing to keep the name Liam....... and anyway, she ended up giving in and picking the McKeens even though they changed his name to Ryan.

I know this can be a touchy subject, but I am really curious what you think.

Thanks!

Nicole
(birthmom to Marie)

[BrandyHagz]

My daughters parents and I named her together. I hadn’t planned on having any part of naming her, and I was very resistant in participating at first. I wanted them to call all the shots in regards to their daughter, and when I told them that, they said, “We are calling the shots, we want you to help us choose a name, now get busy”

In the end, I picked her first name, and they her middle name.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

I named her Carolyn Grace.... They renamed her Kristin Elizabeth. They had already had a name picked out....but I wanted to make sure that she had an identity that wasnt 'baby girl'.

I dont think that if was a selfish question at all though...

[79nic]

My daughter's a-parents kept the name I gave her (Megan) as her middle name, and gave her a different first name. So now her name is Marie Megan.

I am very touched that they kept "Megan" in her name.

I do think it would be nice for aparents to make sure the name they want doesn't have bad associations for bmom. My best friend in highschool and I had a HUGE falling out in college-- she really, really hurt me-- and if they had, by chance, wanted to name Marie the same name as my ex-friend, it would have been hard to handle.

[AmyRae613]

i helped name my birthdaughter. we actually had three names picked out. the only thing i asked was that we could use my first or middle name with my bdaughter's name. so the amom and i had came up with Katelynn rae, Karlee rae, and Hailey rae. i told the amom that i liked all three names...when she was born, i looked at the amom and asked her what her name was, and she said, "how about kaylee rae?" i loved that name...and said...sure!! so that is how it came about. i think it is nice when the aparents want to name the baby together. while i was pregnant...i called kaylee "lil miss". so that is her nick name that i use. :-)

[matri]

I actually left it up to the aparents but I asked them to pick something out by the time I delivered. SO when they came in with the paperwork and asked for the baby's name I looked at the amom and she smiled with tears in her eyes saying Eliana Marie. Eliana because it means "what God has promised" and Marie because it was my middle name. I of course started crying and the lady getting the info was just standing there trying to finish her job. I'll never forget that moment though, it meant a lot to me. Weird I guess the moments that stick out in your mind. A/w good question!

[bromanchik]

We named him together. We both wanted him to have the same first and middle name on both birth certificates more than we wanted him to have a certain name.

[michellemartin]

Well I just had a little girl yesterday, and were still in the hospital! We chose for the aparents to name her. They asked a few months ago to use my name as the middle name, but they were having some trouble finding a first name to go with it. In the end they chose Kara Michelle. They realized after choosing the name that the first name was my daughters name without the m- Her name is Karma, so it just made the name seem right.

[lewellen]

I know that most of you are in open adoption and will have some contact with your children, but I'd like to add my perspective. I was an adoptee in a closed adoption. My parents always had my non-id. I knew since I was a child that my b-name was Melanie Rae, but I didn't know why. My parents named me LewEllen, my a-moms maiden name, which gave me a wonderful connection to my a-families history.

When I was reunited with my b-sister, I found out why I was named Melanie. My b-moms life was a chaotic one, she had four older children, was in the process of a third divorce, and I was conceived in an affair witha married man. She named me Melanie after the charater in Gone With The Wind. She said that she was the only sane, loving, forgiving person in that whole book, and wished these things for me. My b-sister had a baby almost a year to to day from when I was born, she named her Melanie Lu. She had no idea my name was LewEllen. By the way b-mom's name was Lucille Evelyn, how's that for close to LewEllen?

Names have power, both of mine have been blessings and wishes for me. This will mean something to your children.

LewEllen

[alibaby]

I chose a name for my bdaughter that was put on the birth certificate and then the aparents and i chose one together because they wanted a family name that went back from generations.the name i chose was rebecca hope the name we chose together was riley salitta.i like the riley part but am not to keen on salitta but its what they wanted so i respect it a lot.

much love
alex
bmom to rebecca hope my name to her or riley salitta the name the aparents and i chose

[polkadotghost]

Our daughter's birthmom and we picked out the first name together. Then birthmom picked the first middle name and we picked the second (who says you have to have only one middle name!). We didn't feel right picking a first name without her input as she is her daughter also. And I feel it was a nice symbol of all of us working together for our daughter.

April

[banjo]

I was very lucky in respect to names. I asked the aparents to chose a name for a boy and girl and thankfully I had a girl because I was a bit ho-hum about the boys name they wanted. I even decided if I changed my mind and parented my child then I would keep the girls name that they had chosen as her first name. I know that would have been horrid for the prospective aparents but the name just seemed right for her from the beginning. I chose the second name. So the name thing was not an issue. I would not have made a big deal out of it anyway. I was more interested in them being loving parents. lol Banjo

[birthmom04]

I worked with the aparents to name my daughter. That was very important to me and when I first started searching for couples it was one of the first questions I asked.

I did not want my child to be named twice - other than last name of course. I also wanted to perhaps incorporate a family name for the child depending on the aparents.

With my daughter the amom and I went back and forth a few times. For quite a while she was hooked on Hannah Grace which I thought was beautiful and was very pleased with.

It turned out that her biological son if he was a girl would have been named Sarah so the amom asked about that name. I thought it was beautiful as well and after telling my mother she told me my name was going to be Sara as well when I was born so it fit and stuck and my daughter is Sarah Grace.

Thanks

[Wingless]

I think part of the fun of having a child is placing an identify with him/her by their name. I know I AGONIZED over naming my four. When M & P asked if I had a name picked for this baby I said -"No! It's your baby, have at it." I appreciate that they would have considered had I had a name in mind, but I know they were also very excited to tell me what they were planning. Both middle names were for people important in their lives (Zak actually has the same middle name as my oldest son, and both for our respective great-grandfather's ... a neat tie for all of us.)

Ironically, the name that M had always had his heart set on for a son was a name I actually associated with a child I ... ummmm, well I hated the name! I was glad we had the conversation early on so I had time to digest it. I called the baby in-utero by their name choices through out the last few months. Even though I didn't help pick the names, I still felt bonded to the baby using their names.

I think it also made the delivery easier - I knew when they announced "It's a boy" what his name was. I think it spared any awkward discussions later about what they were thinking vs. what I was. But, it is a very personal choice. I know prior to Zak's birth I posted asking if not being apart of his naming would be viewed as not bonding later. I put a lot of thought into my pregnancy and spent a lot of time talking and working with his parents.

I heard at a retreat I participated in a few weeks ago how many birthmother's had a name they used while carrying the baby - but that they didn't feel comfortable telling the adoptive parents once the baby was born. (A few were advised by their agency to NOT tell the adoptive couple even if they had a name in mind.) Many were saddened to have the identity of that child changed once he/she became a part of the adoptive family. It really was another loss for them.

Each of my children has a unique story to how they were given their name. The baby of our family was named by her siblings. My oldest found that Tessa means fourth child, and he was determined I was going to have another little sister for him and we were GOING to name her Tessa (she is the fourth) - even though I really wanted to name her Teagan. Zachary has a story for his too. But it is a story his parents get to tell - something I felt very strongly on letting them - and him - have.

~Wingless

[MeggieC]

I selected a name, but the aparents renamed her after the adoption was finalized. I named her Rachel Morgan--no specific reason, I just liked the name and after she was born she LOOKED like a Rachel. The aparents renamed her Nicole Megan. I don't think she looks like a Nicole, but maybe that's because she was Rachel to me for several months and she'll probably always be Rachel to me. On the other hand, that has now ruined the name Rachel for me forever. Anyone else have that problem?