[loveccl]

The topic of stretch marks came up at work and I said said how much I hated mine. At that point there was confusion in the air about why I even had them. I explained that I had a son and had given him up for adoption. I then found out that it was common for birthmother to be put in different rooms even on different floors of hospitals than the other pregnant women. I was confused and angry about this. It seemed natural to my coworkers who happened to be nurses for this to happen. They all said how hard it was and how the birthmothers should never share a room with other mothers keeping thier babies. Maybe I'm wrong but I feel like once again we as birthmothers are being takken away in shame and hidden in the basement of even the hospital we gave birth. For me I had my own room and I didn't really feel like a freak. So my question is how were you treated in the hospital. I one day plan to become a nurse and now some how feel like I should work in delivery. Anything I can do to help another birthmother feel safe and ok. Let me know your thoughts because the idea of being takken to a different floor because I'm a birthmother makes me very angry.

Hugs to all and happy thoughts

Darcy

[Zylena]

Hi there
When I had my son 3 months ago I was on the Maternity Ward with the rest of the mothers who gave birth. I asked for a bigger room because I wanted to be able to have my other kids with me in my room and my afamily and my own family. But, I was treated really nice by the nurses but when it came to the Social Workers I was treated like crap in my eyes. I was hurt that they being Social Workers cared more about the afamily then me. Even though I still had all the rigihts to my son, and they didn't. All in all I had some mean nurses who didn't understand but there was this one who just sat there and talked to me and allowed me to cry and I needed that and I wish I knew her name but its a very unique name so I dont remember it.
Well I hope that I helped you a little bit, granted I do wish that somethings were different but hey i guess we cant have everything in life.
Angie

[bgranny1954]

I am a post-partum nurse. At our hospital bmoms are always placed on the same floor. We have both semi and private rooms, but bmoms always get a private room as we think (?) they might want more privacy. We always encourage the bmom to have as much contact with the baby as she wants. We have had bmoms who did not want to see the baby and we try to gently encourage them to do so as we think (?) that helps them in the long run. I have had bmoms, only a couple, who did chose never to look at the baby because they think it will make it worse for them, but it worries me a lot that never looking at the baby will actually make it worse for them.

[lyndalou]

in 1967, the thought on whether to see your child or not was just changing. At one home for "unwed mothers" that I checked out, they encouraged caring for the baby, feeding , diapering etc. until the actual day of relinquishment. I thought they must be nuts! How could I ever leave him if I spent time with him? No, I thought I knew what was best for me & him, he should go straight to his new parents. I was wrong. He didn't go to his new parents for 11 days... where was he then? Did anyone even pick him up? Questions I'll never have answers to. It wasn't best for me either. I needed to see & hold him. Needed to know he was ok. I would now encourage a bmother to spend any time she could with her child. It answers questions for you, even if the relinquishment is horrible, at least you'll have those days of memories.

[hopefuladoptee]

I'm an adoptive mom not a birth mom but I can tell you what happened when our ason was born last year. I wasn't sure what to expect and hadn't really thought too much about whether I would stay or not. I figured I would probably sleep in a chair on a couch somewhere in the hospital. The hospital we went to was sooooo wonderful though. The nurses in the delivery room were aware of the situation so we had no problems in there. Then after he was born, the hospital gave us a room FREE OF CHARGE connected to the bmom's room. Of course, they weren't full that weekend and I didn't eat any meals so it really didn't cost them anything. I spent the first night and my husband stayed the next. The baby stayed with me the first night and with his bmom the next. It was all such a wonderful experience! Everyone in the hospital knew what was going on (at least it seemed like they did). A couple came to see us and couldn't remember our last name (they were friends of my parents) so they explained the situation and were lead right to our room. Of course, when we left, hospital policy said the bmom had to carry the baby until we were outside and then it didn't matter what happened. I wish all hospitals would treat bmoms and amoms this way! It's a difficult situation to start with and there's no reason to make it more difficult.

[lyndalou]

How wonderful to hear a story like yours, Hopeful...
Maybe now more hospitals are bringing in progressive policies that respect everyone in the adoption triad. Your experience gave you time to bond with your son & gave his b'mother time to say good bye. Sounds great to me!

[browntap]

I do know that some hospitals give potetial birthmoms a chose whether they want to remain on the labor & delivery floor of be moved to a recovery room in a different area. Hopefully more hospitals will follow and let the moms chose which area they are more comfortable in.

[Big Dreamer]

When our daughter was born last year the hospital let our bmom decide where she wanted to be.

She chose the maternity ward so they gave her one of the biggest rooms because they knew that she would have a larger crowd than usual.

We had and continue to have a great relationship with our bmom. She insisted that I stay in the room with her and I even nursed our baby. I had a few concerns about staying with her but we talked things out prior to the birth of the baby.

The hospital staff was wonderful!

Our bmom is the most awesome, loving person you can ever meet. She wanted us to experience everything and we did. For her... she needed to see and feel the joy in our hearts, it was another way for her to validate that she had made the right decision for everyone involved.

She is the type of bmom I always dreamed of. I thank God every day for sending me such a wonderful friend who has entrusted me with her daughter.

God really knew what he was doing when he put us all together.

We were friends by chance....family by choice...may God Always Bless her.

Hugs to all,
Maria

[missingmyboy]

I first met my son's aparents on Nov 2nd and we talked to each other daily and got together several times before the birth of our son, in March. I really cared for them and trusted them by the time our son arrived. They were both in the delivery room with me and I was so happy to share this with them. I love that they were present for his birth and his very first minutes of life.

The nurses wanted to put me in a room with 3 other mothers. Although I had my son in my room I did not want this. I knew we would talk about adoptiion and I did not want the other mothers to look at me like I was a freak or something. I wanted our privacy.

After much arguing I got a private room. We had to argue for it because I could not pay for it and being I live in Canada the aparents were not allowed to pay for it. In the middle of the first night a nurse realized the amom was sleeping on a chair in the waiting room so she brought a cot for amom who then slept in my room where babe was too. Adad went to a hotel at 4 a.m. (my son was born just after midnight) that first night and was back by 8 a.m. I felt so bad that he had to leave.

The second night he left around midnight and amom again slept on the cot in my room.

I let them take care of my babe most of the time in the hosptial. Just like Big Dreamers situation, I wanted to watch them bonding with my baby. I cared for him some but I let them do most of it. I really was happy to watch them and amazed at how much they loved my son instantly.

They didn't know how to bath the baby. That was funny. Given I have another child I was an old pro so I got to show them while adad videotaped and cried throughout the bath.

We all left the hosptial together and spent one night with all of us together at my best friends house with my older child present too. That night my son slept in a bassinet beside me, or on my chest. I cared for him that night. I sang and cried and just loved him that night at my friends house. The next morning at 7 a.m. I found his aparents sitting up waiting for him on the couch.

Shelley

[Free_to_be_me]

I was also treated well at the hospital. I had a private room. The adoptive parents were at the hospital almost the entire time. They went to their hotel for 7 or 8 hours, I think. I was allowed to have as many visitors for as long as I wanted at any time that I wanted (including my best friend who showed up at 4:45 am and my sister who decided after midnight that she wanted to spend the night) My mom and sister both stayed in the room with me. The nurses respected my pain watching the adoptive parents caring for the baby and brought them all to a different room to teach them how to bathe her. One of my nurses was an adoptee and after meeting me decided to search for her birthmother. In a way, that made me feel kind of good. They had a pretty good reunion as far as I know...

[AmyRae613]

i had an amazing hospital stay when i was in labor. i was on the labor and delivery floor where all of the other mothers are at. i went in on a friday night and was the ONLY one there clear up until about saturday evening!! no joke!! so i was pretty much treated like a queen. a friend of mine who was in choir with me at the local community college was the lead nurse, and she was on shift that weekend. so she was in my room the whole time i was in labor until she had to go home. once she left, i got the next lead nurse. normally the lead nurses are not suppose to be taking care of the women in labor...but since i was the only one in there...then they let that rule slide. i loved all of my nurses. i stayed in that labor and delivery wing the whole time i was there. they did not treat me horrible or anything. at the hospital that i go to...they give everyone a private room. the adad and the bdad, and my coaches boyfriend slept out in the waiting room. the nurses took out pillows and blankets for all three of them. it was a very good expierence. on the day that the entrustment ceremony took place and i went home with out kaylee, the nurses were vey gracious. they all gave me a hug and told me how courageous of a woman i was.

the next week when i went in for my first doctor's appointment, my doctor even said, "i just want to let you know how proud i am of you for what you have done." it was just so encouraging.

[leejelboc]

I was a birthmom over 30 years ago and after reading the other posts can only say how happy I am that things have changed. My son was born in Philadelphia and from the minute I arrived (in the middle of the night) till I was discharged I was treated badly. I was not permitted out of my room and when I did venture out and found my way to the nursery, I was yelled at and sent back to my room. I asked to see my baby and was told that was out of the question. However,m in the middle of the night, a young nurse brought him to me and I was able to hold him and smell him and bond with him and tell him I was sorry someone else would raise him. The minutes flew by and soon he was taken from me. the next day I was taken to the front door of the hospital, he was placed in my arms and once out the door, taken from me forever. I am still searching for him, He may have left my arms, but not my heart.

[Big Dreamer]

Lee your post made me cry...I am sooo sorry that you had to go through that.

God Bless the nurse who had some compasion.

I hope you find your son soon.

By the way my sister-n-law placed her daughter 30 years ago. And has been looking for her since the day she was removed from her arms.

A few years ago on her daughters 30th birthday they were reunited in the labor and delivery room at the group home where she was living as a teenager.

She and my brother lined the streets for a 1/2 mile up to the group home with signs like:
You were always in my heart, I have never forgotton you and I am so glad you are back in my arms...they attached a pink balloon to each sign as well as yellow ribbons.

The labor room was no longer being used so they had pink balloons with Its A Girl and Happy Birthday all over the place!

Take care,
Maria

[Big Dreamer]

Because of Cs experience I believe that it is possible for you to find your son and we hope that you do.

Keep us posted!

Maria

[Irelandlover]

All i remember is when my daughter was born almost five years ago, the nurse or nurses cant remember, didnt give her to me right a way. I had to practically order them with a stern voice to give her to me. The one had such a pissy look on her face. Excuse my language. When all was said and done and i was finally alone i was fortunate to have my own room. So i dont have any experience with having to share with a new mom who was keeping her baby. I was thankful for that private room. All i did was hold my daughter the whole time i was there. The nurses kept on coming in asking if i wanted them to take her to the nursery. I finally had to put a DO NOT DISTURB sign on my door.
Thanks,