[Irelandlover]

Hello,

For those of you who knew Cindy Jordan who was a beautiful person inside and out as well as a mother and birthmother. She has taken her life and she is in the heavens with God now. Please say a prayer for "her" daughter and sons. Please pray for he daughters family as well. I knew Cindy through birthmother support groups and through a good friend of mine who was very close to her. I knew she was having a difficult time with the adoption lately. Please keep her in her prayers.
Thanks,
Lin
Fellow Birthmother friend of Cindy Jordan

[missingmyboy]

Lin,

I am so sorry for this loss. ((((HUGS)))) Cindy's poetry on the lifemother site is some of the first adoption poetry I ever read and it is beautiful and yet tears your heart out. As a birth mother I could relate to those words in her poems. (Actually at the time I first read Cindy's poetry I was pregnant and reading her poems got the tears rolling).

I know Cindy and I also belonged to some of the same online support groups. Cindy will be missed.

My heart breaks for all three of Cindy's children. They will be in my thoughts and prayers. I am sorry that Cindy felt she had no other way out of her pain.

Shelley

[Anne5]

I'm reading this and just saddened to no end for her in her suffering, sad for her family, her children.

This sounds to me like it could very well be a case of Post Natal Depression. A serious case of it! I wish there was more recognition of the seriousness of such. No doubt the rejection by the adoptive family triggered something awful. I hope anyone suffering from debilitating depression can get treatment. It is such a sad thing to see children lose a mother because of this.

[St.Ives]

she may have been depresed but im sure it was situational depression not chemical. im sure that having an open adoption close is one of the most devesating thing any mother could go through.

[lorrieashaw]

I didn't know this young woman, but this has touched my heart, God will take care of her now, and He will ease the pain of her family, Please know that my prayers are with them. And everyone else touched by this.


God Bless,

Lorrie Shaw
A Birth Mother
ISO Daughter
Atlanta Ga

[Missy M]

Originally posted by Anne5
I'm reading this and just saddened to no end for her in her suffering, sad for her family, her children.

This sounds to me like it could very well be a case of Post Natal Depression. A serious case of it! I wish there was more recognition of the seriousness of such. No doubt the rejection by the adoptive family triggered something awful. I hope anyone suffering from debilitating depression can get treatment. It is such a sad thing to see children lose a mother because of this.

Cindy was depressed because she was shut out of her daughters life after she was placed in a "fast-track adoption." Her daughter Malia will be 3 years old this week so I doubt very seriously that "post natal depression" is a factor. IMO you are correct in saying that its a sad thing to see children lose amother b/c of this and its also a very sad thing to see a child have to lose the chance to get to know a birthmother b/c of the deciet of the A-mother. You say "no doubt the rejection by the adoptive family triggered something awful; I say the rejection IS SOMETHING AWFUL in and by itself....I hope anyone subjected to this fate can get help too; it needs to stop...MissyM

ps>>>sorry for quoting and referring to your post in this very angry reply; its not you...I am just angry and heart broken. This needs to stop. MM

[Irelandlover]

Thank you girls for your kind words about Cindy. Missy, i understand you are upset. Everyone that knew her is upset by this. You are right, the adoptive mother just shut her out without notice and that just devastated Cindy. I too wish she didnt think that by leaving us would heal her pain. In a way it did, she know longer suffers the heartache caused by the afamily but i was told her pain goes back before the cutoff of communication. Anyways, Again thanks to all for your prayers and kind words.
Lin
Birthmom
p.s. You are also right about something Missy, this has to stop. People have to start to understand the seriousness of a birthmother losing her child to adoption. No matter if its by choice or not. It has major effects on the birthmother both physically, emotionally, and mentally. Maybe its time for a change so this doesnt happen again.

[Missy M]

Lin
Birthmom
p.s. You are also right about something Missy, this has to stop. People have to start to understand the seriousness of a birthmother losing her child to adoption. No matter if its by choice or not. It has major effects on the birthmother both physically, emotionally, and mentally. Maybe its time for a change so this doesnt happen again.


Thanks Lin...I captured a section of your post to point out something thats on my mind. Theres a thread in another forum here that started out last week by saying "We are dialated 1cm." It was updated to read " Our B-mom will be induced on...if labor does not start." Later after several other posts the original poster stated " We are 4 days past due" and on and on until today when I read "Our daughter is finally here and it says we were in the delivery room and at the hospital all night...blah blah blah.
All of this was posted by the P-A-mom about the mother! It seems that the baby is now claimed in utero! Its like this poor expectant mom has had no time for herself and no time to even be the childs mom before she signs the papers. The final post reads " Boy, we sure do love our birthmom!!!"
I wonder if that P-amom knows how degrading it sounds to post another womans cervical measurements on line in an open forum... Do we not have any dignity left? Any privacy? I wonder if the "love" will continue once the ink dries??? IMO its amazing; no one considers B-moms feelings...MissyM

[Jensboys]

Jordan dealt with the unimaginable pain of placing a child for adoption and having what she thought was a stable relationship close down because of the amom's fears. BUT the worst part, I think for her, was the fact that the amom then went out and wrote a BOOK on how to do it to others ... Jordan was sickened by it. AND DEVASTATED.

[Irelandlover]

Missy,
I cant believe that. Youre right. That is so disrespectful of the PAmom to do that to the birthmother. Before i signed the papers i spent almost 3 days with my daughter. Just her and I. Im glad i did. I know it is hard not to be able to conceive a child. I saw my own family (SIL) go through it. But amoms have to start understanding that the decisions they make regarding contact and whatever promises they make to the birthmother, they have serious serious consequences if they are not followed through. Aparents need to understand more the emotional rollercoaster birthmoms go through and they need to understand that they are depending on that communication more than they ever depended on anything else. To be completely honest, it just pisses me off. Cindys death has made me think twice about alot of things with adoption, specifically with aparents. The nerve of Susan going out and writing a book on how to do a "Fast Track to Adoption" is appauling. I hope she feels horrible for what she has caused. I hope this unfortunate death of a friend gets to other aparents and makes them think twice before making changes of the relationship between them and the birthmother.
Regards,

[lizzie373]

"Theres a thread in another forum here that started out last week by saying "We are dialated 1cm." It was updated to read " Our B-mom will be induced on...if labor does not start." Later after several other posts the original poster stated " We are 4 days past due" and on and on until today when I read "Our daughter is finally here and it says we were in the delivery room and at the hospital all night...blah blah blah.
All of this was posted by the P-A-mom about the mother! It seems that the baby is now claimed in utero! Its like this poor expectant mom has had no time for herself and no time to even be the childs mom before she signs the papers. The final post reads " Boy, we sure do love our birthmom!!!"





First of all- Missy: please don't lump all aparents into one group- there are a lot of us who continue to send pictures, letters, etc. as promised. This situation is a horrible and sad one. But- please understand that aparents who are matched with expectant mothers are excited for the birth of the child- and love to share it with friends. Its both exciting and sad at the same time- we need to share our nervousness, anxiety, and sadness with others that will support us. I love and respect our daughters birthmother as I am sure many other aparents do. I don't know why that should offend anyone

[schatz]

Let's not turn this thread into a fight.....start a new one.

Cindy was beautiful and loving and kind. She was always the first person to reach out.

I will miss her so much.

[Irelandlover]

Agreed. Lets just remember Cindy for the kind and giving woman she was.
Thanks,

[willow birdlady]

20/20 is planning on doing a story on Dr. Susan Burns and her book. Please email them and tell them about Cindy. We have to give her a voice.

[crayons]

I have already sent some e-mails, 20/20 and some book sellers. I'm writting a letter to send anywhere I can send one.
If anyone has anyother ideas, please let us know. If anyone has any helpful phone numbers. Thanks, brandy