[sliszm]

To Audrie, my mother,

It was a decision of a lifetime, that with what was known and felt at the time, was a proper decision. I will not judge you. I will never tell you what you did was wrong. It will never be my place to say. I was not mature or old enough to know.

Never say you are sorry, never tell me that what you did so many years ago was wrong. I know in my heart that if you are like myself, it was what you thought was the right thing to do.

I will not confront you. I will make this as easy and safe for us both as possible. I just need to know that you are alive, what life has been for you since we parted. I may not have enough time to find you before you depart this life for a better one, but know that my prayers are with you.

I will defend you and your decisions in life as any son would. I will hold your memory true, even if all I know is your name. I will never defile your name, your circumstances or your decisions in life.

I know that I too have made many mistakes, but I have no regrets. Each mistake has made me a better person, turned me a different direction, and made me care more for life than I ever would have before.

If you feel guilt, I will tell you that I feel that you should not harbor any. I have led a good and fulfilling life that I am proud of. Your decision has made my life today what it is. True, it would have been different, but I cannot say it would have been either better or worse. I am a product now of what I have lived and experienced.

To you, mom, I pledge my gratitude for giving me all that I have. I have many of your attributes. I hold every thought of you to be precious as gold.

I do not know what you look like, I do not know what you sound like. But to me, you are my guardian angel and you have helped me through life without my conscious awareness of you. I know you talk to me. You always have. You pray for my safety, happiness and well-being.

For the last 40 +/- years, we have been connected. Sometimes I listened to you, sometimes I didn't. You are my "gut", my instinct, my heart and my thoughts.

You did good.


Your Son Michael Steven
8/27/1961 Compton, CA

[Juscuz]

oh Michael that was so very nice. It was exactly what my bson has told me in my first email message. Something I needed to hear and glad we had found each other and moved past that. I wish you luck.

Aloha,