[jessicamary]

Hi My name is Jessica. A single mum to Maddison whose 17mths. The day I told her father i was pregnant i became a single mum. Everyone wanted me to abort her but i couldnt. Then everyone suggested adoption, it was a considered idea. I was going to go ahead with it and then once she was born would kill myself. However i had this gut feeling that everything would work out ok. But it hasnt. I love her so much, completely adore her, she is my life. I had spentr years in London, made loads of friends -here i have no one. I have been here 17mths, no friends, my family are useless. And its awful - my daughter loves being with people. I am now at a stage where i feel she would beenfit from adoption. What would everyone suggest - as i really need help. I have read some forums and they have metioned that 2 yrs later they meet a great guy, new job etc and everything would have been ok. This is what im frightend of. I dotn know if i should wait a while longer. If i had to give her up i would kill myself as she is evrything to me. I just dotn know what to do. Please someone help.

[KZacharyC]

my heart goes out to you. yOu need to join some support groups or momther and me groups I thikn this would help you alot. I am sure it is so hard to be a singel mother wow you who are are such great women. But to have no support must be a hard thing. i would do those thing before you would even conciter adoption as your option. Even post on her about single mothers for gilrs in your area i knwo that there are so many people out there who would love your friend ship and who could help you through this ruff time you are having. did you ever go to birthmother support group when you were preg. well I new many girls who ended up keeping there babys (LDSFS) and they all were friend and help each other out so maybe somthign liek that look in your local area. Good luck and be stronge your a wonderful mother!!

KZacharyC (LDS open adoption)

[gmrostanzo]

Welcome!
Is it the financial end that you are having a problem with? If that is the case, you can get in touch with agencies that will help you out till you can get on your feet? I think personally being poor or on welfare would be far better than giving up my child and wondering everyday if she is alright. You were alittle vague in your request for help so, I am only assuming that it is for financial reasons you are thinking of giving your child up for adoption.

[kiwi]

Aside from the support groups which help to support your mind and spirit, there is also help available for your and your baby's bodies at http://www.fns.usda.gov/wic/. If you qualify, they will give you coupons for food which can be super discounted or even free. They are the basic things like milk, bread, peanut butter and other basics. They aren't frilly, it's not welfare, but it is most definately help when you have to choose between a roof over your head or food on the table. They can offer assistance for several years or months if needed.

Look through these forums and see how many adoptees have searched for years and years for their birthmothers. Even if she is adopted, keep in mind that years later, she will probably want to know the woman that gave her life and loved her so much that she let someone else raise her... do not rob her of yourself.

I wish you the best in your decision. If you are they praying type, bend your knees and ask for guidance, ask for a clear mind. Many religious groups will offer assistance to young mothers even if you are not in their congregation, it will not hurt to ask.

[HeavensGifts]

Jessica -

Suicide is not an answer - NEVER - and if you were to make an adoption plan and she find out later in life that you killed yourself because you placed her - then what would that do to her. The emotinal trauma that causes a child is deep. My brother who is an adoptee searched and found his mother deceased and it crushed him. He has only a grave to stand at , he has no one to reunite with and thank. She would miss out on sharing the rest of your lives together.

You do not sound adoption minded to me you sound like a girl who need assistence. Several of the others have given great web sites to get financial and emotional help. That is where you need to start.

I pray you find the answers and help you so need!!

Heavens Gifts

[KCE67]

I'm a single mom too and have the same problem. My baby's father wanted me to abort and then when I refused that, we considered adoption. But, I decided to have and keep my baby and the father walked out on me too. I"m 6 months pregnant and have two older children from my previous marriage.

The others gave you good advice! We all need help once in awhile and though I love my children, I get lonely and tired from work and frustrated with making that dang checkbook balance every month. But, there is support out there. I don't know about England, but there are groups such as Parents Without Partners that provide support and activities for singles with kids. There is a church close to here with a ministry that deals with getting other single parents and their kids together for bowling, picnics and other activities. You don't have to be alone. I know it sucks not to be able to rely on your own family but I've found as a single, that there really is such as a thing as the kindness of strangers. My co-workers have been so supportive! Friends have been supportive! and I consider them my family too. There are boards like this and single groups and mailings on Yahoo and MSN. Feel free to email me or add me to a buddy list if you need someone to talk to. I've been there and still am but not regretful.

Kathy

[allisonm_elliot]

I empathise with you jesiccamarie. We gave up our son and beleive it or not it was the best thing for him and for us. Open adoption is a great thing. It keeps you involved. You can not do anything for your child unless you can do you..right..
allison
allisonm_elliott@yahoo.com if you or anyone needs me.

[Dixierae]

you are not alone sure there are groups there in PA
Do you have any family there? What part of PA you in I have many friends there if you happen to live close enough to one.

sounds more like you are afraid to me, your young and alone and the dad has taken off, enough to make everything else tuffer for you.

please contact a church, theres more help there then anywhere
and work on being a good mom, you dont sound like your ready to give up just yet

hear if you need to chat,,,,,

Iam a bmom who made the choice you thinking about trust me you have to live with yourself when its done, work on yourself and trust your heart,,thinking of you