[pob1218]

I AM A BIRTHFATHER IN SEARCH OF MY SON WHO WAS BORN IN TORONTO IN THE FALL OF 1968.

I WOULD LIKE FEEDBACK ON "HOW" TO BEGIN LOOKING FOR HIM.

WHAT "RIGHTS" DO BIRTHFATHERS HAVE? CAN THEY OPEN ADOPTION RECORDS, AND HOW DO YOU BEGIN?

[shirleyville]

I have no idea how the "rules" work in Canada -- I am sure there are differences between your system and the US, which is where I am.
There are a lot of great people on this forum who have extensive experience in Canada adoptions, and I am sure you will receive some fabulous advice!
Did you sign anything relinquishing rights at the time of your son's birth? Do you have any information at all about him that is more specific than "Fall of 1968"?
If you haven't, already....check out the on line registries to see if there are any registrants that meet the criteria of what you know about your son...he could be looking for you!
Best of luck and I will look forward to your updates as you move forward in this incredible journey! As an adoptee who has no clue who her father is, and has no idea if he even knows I exist, I am touched by your quest!
Hugs,
Sally

[Richard Justin]

I searched for and found my son about three years ago. It has been an awesome experience and I wish the same for you!

When I was ready to search, I contracted with an intermediary who knew the answers and had the search skills. She completed the search and arranged for a first meeting all in about four months. I highly recommend that route if you can afford it.

Have you done any personal preparation for the possibility of a reunion? The chances for success are greatly enhanced if you prepare ahead. This includes everything from preparing an honest appraisal of just what happened that led to an adoption, how having a son you've never known has affected you over the years, and why you are searching now. Your son will have those questions, so be ready with honest answers. Also, have you prepared those close to you for the effects of a reunion and given them time to sort out their feelings and give you feedback? Successful reunions do not happen in isolation, and it's better to work out your loved ones' feelings about it before you're into the emotional aspect of reunion. And finally, are you prepared to accept any outcome of your search? I believe any member of the adoption triad has the right to search, but with it comes the responsibility to let the found one set the boundries for contact.
That can be really hard to do after putting so much emotional energy into a search. And there are no promises about what type of person you'll find. Are you ready to accept exactly who and what your son has become, no matter what?

I'm certainly not trying to scare you away from the idea of a search. As I said, my reunion has been awesome and life-changing for us both. But I'll say again- good preparation greatly enhances the chances for success.

I wish you all the success in the world!

Rich

[marls95]

I think that letter was awful. It shatters all hope for the ones who are currently searching. I am in the process of searching for my bmom and if she had an attitude like that it would destroy me. I know not all reunions turn out like fairytails but there's no harm in wishing for it.