[missingisabella]

HI, My name is Tina, i gave my isabella up just 7 months ago.. i am having a hard time dealing with my loss. Some times i think i didnt do the right thing.. i was 20,single, and my Father(rip) my only support passed away... Now i Have my own place and live with the man i love and wish i could have her back..... IS THERE ANY ONE WHO KNOWS HOW I FEEL??????

[Sharon]

Hi Tina, welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. The first year post-relinquishment is pretty bad for many birthmoms, and the holidays are the absolute pits. I wish I could say something to make you feel better right now, but the truth is, it just takes time.
I've found a lot of support on this forum, and I hope you will too. There are lots of birthmoms here who understand what you're going through and are there to offer a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to cry on.
Just take care of yourself and focus on surviving this holiday season with your sanity intact... it does not get worse than this.
Reassuring hugs, ~ Sharon

[May]

Hey Tina,
I understand how you feel. It's been a little longer for me (will be 3 years on December 12th!) but the pain doesn't go away, so I know what it's like. The pain does seem to change, or at least you figure out how to deal with your feelings of loss. I can't imagine that the longing for your child is something anyone could really get rid of!

I'm with a wonderful guy now, who would support me and my child, even if it wasn't his. So it makes it even worse, knowing that just 2 years later I would have been fine.. and in your case, only a few months. I even feel like I'm robbing my boyfriend of a child. So I can really relate to your situation.

Talking (or typing) about it is a big help! Come here whenever you need someone to listen who knows what you're feeling.

I'm praying for you and Isabella!

[trout]

Unfortunately, No one has a crystal ball and can see the future. I hope you know it is ok to grieve and to hurt. Each birth mom feels a piece of her heart is missing. Right or wrong there is no going back and changing. If you think back to why you placed your daughter at that time and point in your life it was what seemed right. No one ever talkes to soon to be birthparents about what they will go through. Some days all you feel like doing is crying but you know you are getting better at dealing with the lost the first day you make it half way through the day and realize you had a happy moment. Then feel guilty about it. I can tell you for me it has been 18 1/2 years and still a day doesn't go by that I don't think about my son. You know I am okay now. Most days when I think about him all I think about is the love I feel towards him. Remember let yourself grieve for her now, let yourself feel whatever you are feeling. Any feelings you are having are normal. And also ok. I wish I could take way your pain...but if there is anything I can do just let me know.
Trout

[Angel_Z.J.K]

Originally posted by missingisabella
HI, My name is Tina, i gave my isabella up just 7 months ago.. i am having a hard time dealing with my loss. Some times i think i didnt do the right thing.. i was 20,single, and my Father(rip) my only support passed away... Now i Have my own place and live with the man i love and wish i could have her back..... IS THERE ANY ONE WHO KNOWS HOW I FEEL??????

Hi, My name is Shonelle, and i just gave my son up for adoption a month ago, and miss him more than ever. I am kind of in the same situation. I am getting my own place in a month and still have the babies father in my life, and wish I would have kept my son, Zachary. I think I am going to regret this the rest of my life, but you just have to try and move on. I am sorry and know exactly how you feel. If you need to talk please write back and I'll be more than happy to talk with you.

[Ree_Chance]

Hi Tina, My name is Annmarie I gave up a child almost 4 years ago. I constantly second guess my self about the adoption. My life now is so much more together than it was when I had Tristian. I actually got pegnant by the same man again 5 mons after I placed my son. This time I decided to keep the child, Everything has worked out. I wonder if I kept Tristian would I have pulled things together to raise him. I have come to this conclusion I believe we both did the right thing at that stage of our lives. The way I try to look at it is we took the broken heart because we loved our children more than we loved ourselves. I cant say time heals all wounds it does get easier. Try to remeber all we wanted was a better life for are children.

[Heavenly]

If the law is still the same you have 5 years to fight the adoption and get her back. But if you feel you cannot provide for her leave things the way they are and find her when she is old enough to understand.

[cazzy]

I gave birth to Noah in Oct to an open adoption. I see a grief counselor and will be going to a weekley support group. I am trying to find birthmothers that live near me. I feel that would help in the procees to recovery. The best thing to do I think is get out of the house. the birth father lefe me so I moved cloe to famliy who are near by and care. The best thing is to reach out to others do not feel alone.

[Lise Reynoso]

Tina: Prayer & meditation help me. Spiritual stuff keeps me sane and realistic. I envision my twins, Frankie & Mimi, happy, healthy and well-loved. I'm learning slowly how to accept this and know releasing them was a truly loving act. Be kind to yourself and others. There is no separation in Divine Mind.

[ksmom]

Jeepers, there are no easy answers and I'm feeling for you. I am a Bmom and I placed my daughter 23 years ago, there still isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her.
The same thing happened in my life, her (bio) father and I had separated just before she was born...but I had no support at all. Just after placing her I met a wonderful man, and I'm still married to him today (we have 3 children). If I had have waited maybe things would have been different, but I did the best I could at the time...the same as you are. We don't have a crystal ball, and we have no way of knowing what the future will bring to us. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other...(hugs)...l

[bromanchik]

Originally posted by Heavenly
If the law is still the same you have 5 years to fight the adoption and get her back. But if you feel you cannot provide for her leave things the way they are and find her when she is old enough to understand.

I do not know where you got this information, but laws vary state by state. I know of no state that allows a birthparents 5 years to revoke a consent.

[bromanchik]

Hi Tina,
I so remember those really dark months after my son was born and placed. Know there are others who have been through the same thing. Having lost your father too must make losing your child all the more difficult. Loss upon loss.


What area of the country are you in? Maybe I can find a support group you can attend as well. Did you place through an agency? You can e-mail me privately if you like. My address is brenr@openadoptioninsight.org.

[Skatr4041]

I do know how you feel. It has only been seven months and i wish i can tell you it gets easier with time, but i can not. You will never forget your daughter and i will not be foolish enough to tell you that you will. When her birthday comes up try to think of how you would want to celebrate it. Society would like us to pretend that it never happen and you should just continue on with life as if nothing ever happened but you and i both know that is not true.

Take time to scream, holler, sob, or get angry. DO NOT STUFF YOU FEELINGS AWAY IN SOME HIDDEN CORNER IN YOUR HEART. Try to find someone you feel safe with to talk about how you are feeling. You carried a child for nine months and probably thought about all the things you would like to have for her, what you are feeling is normal for a birthmother. You made a huge scarfice for the life of your daughter. You have had two major losses in your life and you are only in your twenties, please find someone or someplace where you can go to get support; I can not stress that enough.

My son is know eighteen and for eighteen years i lived a self-destructive life because i did not know otherwise. I did not know how to ask for support or that i even had the right to do so, you know differently. By just coming to this site you have begun to ask for help. Please feel free to send me emails at the following address:
MMarsh@williscenter.org or Skatr4041@aol.com, i will respond as soon as i get them. If you are looking for a support group in your area let me know and i will see what i can do. Please keep yourself safe and know that you are not alone.

You are in my prayers and thoughts.

God Bless,
Maria

[skitalz]

I have no idea what you are actually going through, to be honest...but that isn't why I am writing. I wanted to just write and reaffirm that if you did what was best for you at the time then ultimately you did the best and right thing. Try not to second guess yourself. I can only imagine that now in a positive experience you wish you could have her back....but maybe understanding that your current situation is a combined result of ALL the decisions you have made will assist you in feeling the comfort you are longing for. I hope so. Just pray for her and be ready to contact her when she is older and the time is right. As an adoptee, I want you to know that not a day has gone by that I haven't thought of my birth mother and the courage she must have had to give me up for adoption. I have never had anything but positive feelings for her, and look forward to the day I can meet her.
Blessings upon your heart - your decision was by far the most difficult decision I have ever known anyone to make. But know how incredible that makes you, that you were able to put your daughter's needs before your wants. That is incredible love.
Take Care
Hailey