[Lady77]

Hello~



I really want to thank all birthmothers. You gave your own child away because you could not care for him/her. Whatever your reasoning was, you thought enough to HAVE us and give us to a loving family!! Rather then keeping us in whatever unwanted state, or harm.

I know for every situation it is different, there are all of the "gone BAD" stories! But I think that there are alot more good stories! Unfortunatley you always here about the bad more

I have read A LOT of negativity about adoption when my search started (I am an adoptee) SO many BAD things happening in this industry, ITS SAD

I grew up knowing I was adopted from the earliest age I could start to understand!! I was always told (me and my brother) that we were special. Adoption was a good thing, spoken very freely, WITHOUT actual relationships with bparents. I know there are NO perfect families, and mine wasn't to say the least! BUT even when I (IF I) meet my birth parents, I would thank them. I would thank them for thinking about me, for giving me a better life!



JILL

[Nicole28]

I agree- that all birthmothers did make a selfless decision. However, not every birthmother put her child up for adoption just because she could not care for them. Some birthmothers have the mental and physical (and financial) resources to care for a child, but other circumstances lead them to choose adoption as their option.

[Lady77]

Yes your are right~

Which is why I wrote:
You gave your own child away because you could not care for him/her. Whatever your reasoning was, you thought enough to HAVE us and give us to a loving family!!

Whatever the reason was, I feel it was/is better to do adoption then keep something unwanted, or a burden, or whatver.



JILL

[Teresa K]

I believe your thoughts were good in thanking "birthmothers". My intentions were good when I chose the "adoptive family". To bad they were such liars. To bad the faciliator lied. To bad the attorneys committed numerous felonies. To bad the Judges did not protect my children. It is sad some of us were lead to believe what was nothing but lies, even sadder people profitted off our pain, and money means more than the pain and sorrow caused by such selfish cruel people. Teresa

[Perfect_Mother2]

I have adopted 2 children. They are now 2 and 3 years old. I have been married for 8 years and was unable to concieve a biological child. Two strangers ( Birth-moms) that i have never met have made me the happiest mother in the world. THANKS YOU ALL BIRTHMOMs.

[logged_in]

I put my son up for adoption almost 2 years ago. It still hurts everyday. I was having a bad day today (dreading his birthday o the 5th) and reading your message made me feel better. I love hearing from adoptees....and knowing that they are happy as adults. Thank you for putting a smile on my face. I hope my son is as understanding as you are.
-Marcie

[Lady77]

Thanks for the nice replies!

I just grew up in a home that really wanted me, I believe my parents-thought they- were unable to conceive. So when my brother and I were brought into this world and given to 2 people, who were not perfect, but wanted us, we were all equal, I still think this is better then staying with a Real Mother who for WHATEVER reason thought it was not time for a child. finacially, physically, emotionally, whatever- its all the same.- no harm in my statement about "caring"





Anymore positive stories with adoption?




JILL

[Perfect_Mother2]

It is always nice to hear from an adopted person who is all grown up now. I can hear that you actually are appreciative of your birthmother. You are glad that she gave you to 2 loving parents. You dont seem resentfull or angry. My question is....What would you say to alot of the birthmoms in this forum who are feeling regret and are full sorrow after giving their child up?

What do I say to a sorrowful women who had to place?

I want to say, I am sorry that you feel that way. I know it must hurt to give up your child. I wish the best for you and hope some day you will find peace. I hope the bitterness does not consume your life. I hope you find the help and support you need to get through it.

[Jocarrol]

I thank my mother for giving birth to me. I was not placed at birth but was left with my three brothers. I don't know what happened but I am glad that I had her for four years. I choose to believe that she loved us. But, for what ever reason she could not care for us.

[Lady77]

You are so special!

Just a friendly reminder!! When you are down and out and your worrying about your decision!~Please email me!! I will quickly remind you how special you really are!!

Thanks everyone for repying!

Marcie: I am so glad that I could make you smile! Please dont dread you decision, you made it for your own "right" reasons. I beleive that you did it for all the right reason and there is NOT one day you should dread! Dont worry, be happy BABY!!

Teresa K: I am so soory that this adoption for you has been a bad experience. I know that your intentions were good when you made the decision to put your son up for adoption, and I am sorry that you were lied to. But you are a very specil person for thinking about your son, and hopefully with time things will get better for you!


Perfect_Mother2: Thank you for bringing up another reason birthparents are so special, they do make dreams come true for other people! I am so happy you are happy!


NancyMilton: You stated:
and i NEVER relinquished because i felt somebody else could give my son a better life-whats better than love-just stuff to think about-nancee-bmom to chris-reunited in 2002

PLEASE dont misunderstand my POST, I know there are many many, many reason for adoption.

and I stated:
Whatever the reason was, I feel it was/is better to do adoption then keep something unwanted, or a burden, or whatver.

Which I believe falls into ANY adoption category, not only becasue you financially can.

I am not nit picking you for what you said, just wanted to bring it up to everyones attention who might be misinterpreting my post as well. NO insults here, only positive reassurance.

Perfect_Mother2: I would say what dpen6 said, and they said it better then I ever could of!! thanx dpen6!!

Jocarrol: thank you for being positive about your experience!!

Keep these positive posts coming!!

Thank you!

JILL

[Decision]

I am posting because at this moment in my life I am struggling with the reasonings behind my sons adoption. I was fourteen when he was born...many people believe that fourteen was to young to raise a child...I beg to differ, individual curcumstances must apply.
It hurts my heart to see Thank you birthmother for giving me life
or thank you birthmother for giving me a child.
That is not what happened...at least not to me. In the first letter my sons parents wrote to me they said "how can you thank a person for giving the gift of life".
My heart yelled and screamed he was not a gift. He is a baby, he is a child, he is a young man that will one day be a man. He is not a possession he is not a gift period.
The sadness I felt at his parents letting me know what he has been told about his adoption....He has always been told he was given out of love...for me that is the furthest from the truth so why tell a child a lie? Does this make it easier on the child or on the parent?
I know so many wonderful women who have lost their child to adoption...over two thousand here in Canada are in one of my main support groups. Two thousand woman who have lost children to adoption through coercion/force or whatever means nessisary. Did these women give their children out of love? Was this a selfless act?
A selfless act is throwing yourself infront of a bullet meant to harm someone you love. Adoption is not a selfless act. No matter what a child is told about their adoption no matter the love the support the caring the recieve from their parents they will always have the seed of abandonment deep in their hearts. That is what saddens me the most, that I cannot hold my son while he cries, I cannot stand in front of him while he yells and screams his myseries to me. he does not have a voice for these miseries because they have been stifled through years of untruthful words meant to make him feel grateful for what he has, to be thankful he was not an abortion. My son was adopted, but my son is also a person who should have access to all his thoughts and feelings, he should be able to find his voice and use it when nessisary. Time after time I hear from adoptees not wanting to search for their other families due to their parents feelings on it, Were are their voices? Why are adoptee's made to feel grateful for what they have? Why is it that adoption is so secretive, that even the adoptive parent does not want to hear the truth.
My son should want for nothing. I want him to be able to make his own decisions and not have to base them on anothers feelings.
I am parenting three children right now, all of them have their own voice, even if their decision hurts me or makes me uncomfortable as long as it makes them happy because I know they do not belong to me I am only here to guide them into adult hood, I want my children to feel that they have the power to make their own decisions right or wrong it will be theirs. I wish that for my son, and hope one day that he will have his own voice
Hugs
Melissa

[May]

Melissa,
Thank you for that post! For some reason today I seemed to have been reading all of the really happy posts, the ones that make adoption sound perfect. I needed to know that I'm not the only one who sees something wrong with the whole idea of adoption these days. Every time I read or hear something about me giving the aparents a gift, I can't STAND it! I don't SAY that... I just say thank you for the nice words, because they really were meant to be nice and I know that, and I move on. I really do feel grateful for the kindness. But I really DON'T CARE what I gave the adoptive parents. They're nice people and all, but they were strangers, I didn't owe them any sort of gift, much less my own daughter. I did owe my daughter a gift... a nice life. Every parent owes that to their children. I don't know that I chose the best way to give that to her, but I chose one way, which has many good aspects but also MANY BAD, for both of us (again, I don't care so much about her parents).

I'm not angry about my adoption, I've accepted the way it is, I just have bitter days.. and while I'm not apologizing, I do hope that I didn't say anything that offended anyone.

[Lady77]

I am REALLY sorry for those of you whom have anger for adoption.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Decision: I am really trying to understand your post. Maybe because I am an adoptee I dont understand.


You say He is not a possession he is not a gift period
AND you probably feel this way because you can have your one children. Maybe that is why you would not understand why one would say "gift"


It is a gift when you give someone a child they can not have on their own.


STOP being so negative!

Gift is defined as:
1. Something that is bestowed voluntarily and without compensation.
2. The act, right, or power of giving.
3. A talent, endowment, aptitude, or inclination.
4. To present something as a gift to.
5. To endow with.

I DO think that when you give a child to a couple whom can not have children would be considered a gift.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


birthmothers:
You made a decision in life to adopt your child. IF YOU could not make your own decision at that time, WHY do you think you could or should have kept your child?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



JILL

[Teresa K]

birthmothers:
You made a decision in life to adopt your child. IF YOU could not make your own decision at that time, WHY do you think you could or should have kept your child?

Did it ever cross your mind some of us were lied to? Some of us are not ANGRY, we have been through hell and are devastated. Have you ever been in a very stressful situation where decisions made in haste based on what you were being told? Did you ever once in your life make a wrong decision, yet have someone tell you you are angry????

How would you feel if hours after surgery some lawyer was in your room with papers?? Would you actually read them? Or sign them to get him to go away? I feel it is not very fair of you to judge ANYONE until you have been where we were. I pray your next post does not tell anyone they should have kept their legs crossed but somehow I will not be shocked.

In exchange for sharing the definition of gift, I shall share another:
Greed:acquisitive selfish desire beyond reason

That fits the people who have my children MUCH better.

Thanks for reminding me today about what hell really is. Hope your Thanksgiving weekend gives you something to be thankful for. Teresa