[Irish 136]

I am a B Mother & aunt to my B Daughter. We are working out how to tell M B daughter. My anxiety is after NEVER speaking to anyone other than my parents & a sister at the time about my situation--how do I suddenly tell everyone. I feel like I've lived a lie for thirty eight years. In all those years no one ( parents, sister or brother who adopted my chils) ever asked how I felt. Do I suddenly call my many friends & say "Guess what"?? I spent all these years rehearsing what I'd tell my daughter & unbelievably never dwelt on how I'd fell when other people found out. Would appreciate hearing how others have dealt with this. I know my case is unusual as it was a family adoption & I've always been known as her aunt. I wonder what my neices & nephews will think of me?? Thanks

[saj]

My Dear Ms. Irish,

How difficult and yet special it must have been (and still must be), for you to have been so close to your own daughter, with the ability to maintain a close relationship with her....to watch her grow and become a woman......to be there, or near by as she met each milestone and rite-of-passage................I am moved to tears at the blessing as well as the pain of your situation. I truely am.
As far as what your nieces and nephews and other close and dear people in your life: What will they think of you? Probably exactly what they think of you now....and I can only assume that their opinion at this time is that you are a kind, generous, strong and loving person.
I am an adoptive mom. with 2 small adoptees (3 and 4) that I have been intrusted with from two different birth mothers. We are all in this together.....share your feelings with your family and friends. Its your turn.

Sincerely Saj

[Irish 136]

Dear Saj: Your words meant more than you'll ever know. I realize how blessed I've been--My B daughter & I are very close. I promised I would never do anything to hurt her again & was concerned about telling her. My brother & I have consulted with a professional & realize it is time especially since I later married & have a son who she is also close to but knows as a cousin. He has a son so now she is an aunt. Being an only adopted child I think it is important she knows she has these ties. In preparing for the day we tell her, I prepared two albums--one of all her pictures I had from 1 mo old thru receiving her PHD. The other is her family history on my side starting with a written description of facts such as birthdates, death, burrial etc. of each great grandparent, grandparent etc. I have filled this album with pictures. On the pages of my brother( her adopted father) I have her Adopted Mom, their wedding announcement. family pics & the Mass booklet from her funeral. I hope this will help her to know I've always been there for her even if it was in the background. Do you think these albums will help or overwhelm her? Thanks for your concern. Irish 136

[sspete]

Irish......Oh My goodness as a bmom I know it must have been really cool all these years knowing exactly where your bdaughter was and how she was doing!!! I do believe now is the time to tell her the truth......You know I was thinking, since you know and understand her personality really take into considertation how she will react with the truth and the books!!!! At first there is going to be shock and confusion so expect it, but help her work through it if she does not pull back (which is a possibility at first)!!!! Expect anything and everything.....This reunion is going to be like the typical roller coaster ride as they all are!!!!! My thoughts and prayers are with you as you begin this journey of "coming out" to your bdaughter!!!

Staci

[Perfect_Mother2]

Hi i suggest that you tell your Daughter First and give her some time to adjust to the new relationship. And then i would let her decided if she wants to share this information with others in the family. After all we want to make sure she doesnt get hurt in the "coming out" process.

[saj]

Dear Irish,

I agree with the above posts as far as far as teling your daughter first. Perhaps you and your brother could do it together and come to terms at that time how quickly you all want to "come out publicly".
Did I understand correctly that your sister-in-law has passed away, and that your daughter is 38 years old?
Your life books sound extrordinary...what a wonderful gift. Also a very nice way to share feelings and recollections. Please keep us posted. I hope all goes well.

Sincerely,
Saj

[Irish 136]

Thanks Perfect Mother 2 & Saj: I appreciate you input & concern. Yes Saj -my daughter is 38 and her Adopted Mom died three years ago. Another concern I have for her is her A Father (my brother) may be getting married within the year and I'd like to take care of telling her before this happens. As far as what she told me she is ok with the idea he may remarry.

[ReBeccacat]

Dear Irish,
To know that her (bio)mother is really alive? This would be a truly amazing gift! I suspect she may have some difficulty adjusting to the idea that she was adopted. Have her come take a look at this site. In the long run, she should realize how very lucky....2 Moms. 2 cases of unconditional mothers' love, in her lifetime!
If anyone had told me when my husband died, that I would have his 2 wonderful daughters in my life, I wouldn't have believed it. I couldn't love them more, than if they were my own blood. This gift in my life has blessed me with 2 granddaughters and 3 grandsons.
Trust your common sense. You know what needs to happen. But, you are sensitive enough, to ask, how? My thoughts and prayers go out to you. Everything will be okay. Enjoy the ride!
Always, ReBeccacat