[Skye Hardwick]

Hello, I thought I'd post this poll I thought up on two boards here at the forum -- I think it will be interesting to read everyone's!! It kind of only fits bMoms and aMoms - but adoptees are welcome to jump in on it!
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1.) How are you connected to adoption?

2.) Do you do anything special to celebrate national adoption month (Nov.)?

3.) When growing up, did you know anyone connected to adoption?

4.) If you can remember, when did you first learn about adoption as a child?

5.) In high school, did you know anyone who had a baby and placed?

4.) Anyone in your family, other than you, connected to adoption?

5.) When adopting or placing your child, did anyone say rude/ignorant comments? What were they? If you are an adoptee, have you received rude comments?

6.) If you had to do things all over again with either placing your child or adopting, what things - small or large - would you do differently?

7.) How has placing/adopting your child changed you?

8.) How has your views changed on adoption since placing or adopting your child?

9.) Do you have a closed, semi-open, or fully open adoption?

10.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the toughest thing about it?

11.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the best thing about it?

12.) What has been the greatest lesson you've learned about the other side of the triad? (example: If you're an aMom, what have you learned about bMoms)

13.) Name your biggest pet peeve in the adoption world?

14.) If you are a birthmom, would you ever consider adopting a child? Why or why not?

15.) Are you satisfied with the adoption agency you placed/adopted through? Why or why not?

16.) Do you currently attend a support group or receive any counselling through an agency?

17.) Name a disappointment you've felt after placing/adopting:

18.) Name a misconception people (family,strangers) have about you being an adoptive mom or birthmom or adoptee:

19.) What books, magazines, websites, articles, links, etc ...have you found most helpful after placing/adopting?

20.) Write anything you wish here:

[Skye Hardwick]

1.) How are you connected to adoption?

-- I'm a birthmom

2.) Do you do anything special to celebrate national adoption month (Nov.)?

-- Usually I'm so preoccupied with it being Emmie's birthday in November. As another birthmom said, and I feel the same way, I'd rather celebrate the life of my daughter than her adoption. Though, I can see the need for Adoption Month - brings great light to adoption for the older children needing homes.

3.) When growing up, did you know anyone connected to adoption?

-- Well, I remember finding out my brother's second best friend - a neighborhood kid - was adopted. Me and this kid liked eachother and I was surprised to find out he was adopted. I remember thinking that he must not look like his parents and brother, but that's about it. I was only about eleven or so.

4.) If you can remember, when did you first learn about adoption as a child?

-- When I was six, my dad and mom were friends with these people who owned a local greenhouse. They had a daughter who was a year younger than me, named Sarah, and we played together. I remember noticing that she didn't look like her parents -- Sarah had beautiful skin and dark hair ...and I remember my mom telling me that Sarah was native american and she was adopted. I remember having positive feelings about it, and not wondering what happened to Sarah's first parents.

5.) In high school, did you know anyone who had a baby and placed?

-- Yes, a girl named Jen who was very popular. She came back senior year a bit plumper, and rumors were that she'd had a baby during the summer and placed her for adoption. I remember looking at her in Marketing class and wondering the things she'd gone through. I felt very sad for her and noticed that she didn't really fit in with her friends anymore ...like she carried a pain and knowing that was high above anything any of us could understand. I've thought about her through the years, and recently saw her as a waitress at my local Red Lobster -- she wasn't my waitress so I couldn't talk to her, but maybe I'll go back one day and talk to her.

Then another girl too ..Chris ...my best friend and I couldn't stand her and were always almost beating her up (she was a punk and was mouthy, lol) ...well, my best friend ended up being friends with her right after high school and that's when she told me that Chris placed a baby, Matthew, for adoption. I remember feeling discusted only after my best friend said that the adoptive parents paid Chris off with the new cavalier she was driving -- I don't know how, or if it was true ...but I remember feeling yucky about that, like she sold her baby. Then, the birthfather of Chris's son ended up working with me and he always tried to go out with me constantly, but I knew what he was about and always turned him down - even though he was pretty good looking.

4.) Anyone in your family, other than you, connected to adoption?

-- Hmmmm, I know a few members of my family were going to adopt, but nothing ever came of it - so No.

5.) When adopting or placing your child, did anyone say rude/ignorant comments? What were they?

-- Well, I remember when I was pregnant with Emily and just about to have her ...I'd already chosen Beth and Jim as parents ..and was still staying at the maternity home. This lady was there and said to me, "That sure is nice of them to let you see the baby" -- she said it with emphsis on the word "nice" and all the while this baby was still in my womb! So I said back, "Well, that sure is nice of me to let them have my baby in the first place" - and she shut up. Kind of snotty, I know ..but hey, I was 19!

-- More recently, a year ago I was working for this lady ... I had been there for a year, so I thought it was safe to tell her about Emily. We were listening to that bMom song by Joni Mitchell (Little Green) so I thought the time was right to tell her. She clammed right up and right away I regretted saying anything. A week later she showed me the coolest doll and I said without thinking that I wanted to get it for Emily and she said, "It's kind of hard to buy something for someone you don't know" - and that hurt so bad, cause on one hand, it was true ...and on the other, it wasn't true -- urgh!

6.) If you had to do things all over again with either placing your child or adopting, what things - small or large - would you do differently?

-- I'd learn more about the affects of the choice would have on me - I was totally unprepared by all the emotions and how deeply the adoption choice changed me. No one told me that in placing my daughter, I'd alter a part of me. I'm not the same -- every aspect of my life is rendered changed - from motherhood, to marriage, to career choices to friendships.

-- Also, I wouldn't have placed Emily in the hospital, I wish we would have went to my nearby apartment or a church or something - hospitals are so cold and impersonal.

7.) Name a blessing (besides the child him/herself) that has come from adopting or placing?

-- the relationship I've formed with Em's mom

8.) How has your views changed on adoption since placing or adopting your child?

-- yes, they have! I am for sure not 'pro-adoption' like I was the first year of my relinquishment ...now I'm pro-child ..whatever is best for the child ...which may mean parenting or placing. I realize that adoption is loss, that each side of the triad faces loss of their own - and my loss isn't more important than another loss. Pain is pain.

9.) Do you have a closed, semi-open, or fully open adoption?

-- fully open

10.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the toughest thing about it?

-- trying to find my place and where I fit in - I think I finally feel comfy in my place in my daughter's life. She will be coming to my son's bday party this weekend can I can't wait.

11.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the best thing about it?

-- seeing Emily grow up and change

12.) What has been the greatest lesson you've learned about the opposite side of the triad? (If you're an aMom, what have you learned about bMoms)

-- The greatest lesson is learning about the other side's pain and hurts ..their disappointments and viewpoints

13.) Name your biggest pet peeve in the adoption world?

-- Calling an expectant mom a birthmom before she is - especially when adoption professionals do this! Grrrr! Also the "**" and "our birthmom" thing too -- PM me if you want to know why, lol.

14.) If you are a birthmom, would you ever consider adopting a child? Why or why not?

-- yes, but from another country - just because I thought from the time I was young I would. Now that I know about open adoptions though, I don't think I could from another country since most international adoptions are closed. Well, will come to that bridge if and when I come to it.

15.) Are you satisfied with the adoption agency you placed/adopted through? Why or why not?

-- No! Don't get me started! I went through two and they both were jerks. I'll mention this ...I was abandoned by my adoption agency ...and left to fend for myself. I wasn't even told about the counselling that the aParents had paid for me for after the adoption -- I got nothing! I've had better after care from car dealers than the adoption agency ...the agency whose ad in the phone books says "Birthparents are our priority" - righhhhhht!

The good thing is that it lead me to start helping others and myself in the process.

16.) Do you currently attend a support group or receive any counselling through an agency?

-- Nope. Starting one some century though, lol.

17.) Name a disappointment you've felt after placing/adopting:

-- Again, disappointment in my agency.

18.) Name a misconception people (family,strangers) have about you being an adoptive mom or birthmom or adoptee:

-- they think I don't want to talk about it, so they often avoid it and I can tell when people are avoiding it.

19.) What books, magazines, websites, articles, links, etc ...have you found most helpful after placing/adopting?

-- My websites, lifemothers.com & Woven Hearts: giftbaskets for birthmoms - fm magazine ... Brenda Romanchik's writing ...my writing, lol ..courtney Frey's writing/book - jim gritter's books - this forum - The Children of Open Adoption - The Ethics of Adoption

20.) Write anything you wish here:

I've said enough!

[lostinoz]

.) How are you connected to adoption? = Birthmother

2.) Do you do anything special to celebrate national adoption month (Nov.)? = Never knew about it.

3.) When growing up, did you know anyone connected to adoption? = In high school I had two friends that were adopted.

4.) If you can remember, when did you first learn about adoption as a child? = Well, when I was very young my mother didn't want to take care of us, 3 children, and she put us in a home. We were in there twice and I remember people coming to the home to look for a child to adopt. I told them I had a mother. My mother would often threaten to put us back in the home.

4.) Anyone in your family, other than you, connected to adoption? = When I first met my fathers family, I was about 35 years old then, I found I had a cousin who was a bmom. And an aunt who had two children out-of-wedlock, the man she later married would not accept these two children so her mother adopted them.

5.) When adopting or placing your child, did anyone say rude/ignorant comments? What were they? If you are an adoptee, have you received rude comments? = I wasn't rude comments, it was just that I felt like an object. No one ever inquired as to how I was doing. They were only interested in the baby. After I had my baby and I called my mother across the country she told me I was irresponsible, etc. for giving up my baby.

6.) If you had to do things all over again with either placing your child or adopting, what things - small or large - would you do differently? = Things have changed so much since I went through it. I wish that I had someplace safe to stay until I could have gotten on my feet. It was economics that finally decided the decision.

7.) How has placing/adopting your child changed you? = I have never been the same. I live with the pain and it makes me doubt everything I do. It feels like there is way too much consequence to any decision I make.

8.) How has your views changed on adoption since placing or adopting your child? = The support structure is so much better today, one isn't a marked woman because you became pg out of marriage. There are social services and family support available.

9.) Do you have a closed, semi-open, or fully open adoption? = Closed.

12.) What has been the greatest lesson you've learned about the other side of the triad? (example: If you're an aMom, what have you learned about bMoms) = I never knew how much adoptees may go through, again no counciling back then.

13.) Name your biggest pet peeve in the adoption world? = The words, "you'll forget" ...... and 2nd, how you feel like a pg pod and not a person at all. I know the primary concern is the baby as it should be, we are important as well. A bmom is not just a baby producing machine.

14.) If you are a birthmom, would you ever consider adopting a child? Why or why not? = Yes, and we have considered it. I always wanted a daughter, and after our first son we were thinking about adopting a child when we were stationed overseas. My husband was transferred to a new duty station so we didn't act on it. In the states the financial costs was too much for my husbands paygrade so we didn't go that route.

15.) Are you satisfied with the adoption agency you placed/adopted through? Why or why not? = I wanted to go through a state social agency and in the end because they would not pay the bills the bfather found a lawyer to go through. They wanted to kick me out of the work home in the last month of pg. as I was no longed getting parents through their agency. Arraignments were finally made and I got to stay. All I was asking was that the hospital bills be paid. Between the hospital demanding that I put down money or they would not see me anymore, the agency and the work home it was just plain horrible.

17.) Name a disappointment you've felt after placing/adopting: = I never knew how much, how deeply I could love someone I had never held, never heard, never saw - and keep loving that someone all those years.

18.) Name a misconception people (family,strangers) have about you being an adoptive mom or birthmom or adoptee: = That it means I am strong .... all it meant was I did the best I could at the time for my child.

19.) What books, magazines, websites, articles, links, etc ...have you found most helpful after placing/adopting? = The various forums on-line.

20.) Write anything you wish here:
Everyone councils you to be sensitive to the adoptees feelings & needs, the aparents as well ..... I saw so little about the bparents before my reunion attempts. The bfamily can be just as wounded as the adoptee. I understand age & experience is a factor yet at some point there should be an accountability for a persons actions, being adopted (or bfamily) can not be a pass to be insensitive & dishonest to anyone, i.e. afamily or bfamily. At some point it is about building a mutual future and not continually living the past.

[HappyMomAnna]

1.) How are you connected to adoption?

Adoptive mother of two
Cousin of 7 adoptees
Former husband and father of my two birth children adopted
Best Friend Adopted
Unlce who was never adopted

2.) Do you do anything special to celebrate national adoption month (Nov.)?

Awareness instruction to the teachers at school
Eat a lot of Wendy Burgers
Talk about it with family and friends

3.) When growing up, did you know anyone connected to adoption?

I thought something was wrong with me because all my cousins were adopted and I wasn't

4.) If you can remember, when did you first learn about adoption as a child?

I always knew about adoption, because my uncle used to talk about how it felt no one ever adopted him

5.) In high school, did you know anyone who had a baby and placed?

not in high school

4.) Anyone in your family, other than you, connected to adoption?

I think every one is connected to adoption in my family

5.) When adopting or placing your child, did anyone say rude/ignorant comments? What were they? If you are an adoptee, have you received rude comments?

oh yes, recently someone refered to my siblings as "repo-kids"

6.) If you had to do things all over again with either placing your child or adopting, what things - small or large - would you do differently?

I would not change anything

7.) How has placing/adopting your child changed you?

made me understand mother love has nothing to do with how old they are or when you first meet your children.... mother love is the same no matter how my children came to me.

8.) How has your views changed on adoption since placing or adopting your child?

I am MORE supportive of adopting WAITING Children then I was prior

9.) Do you have a closed, semi-open, or fully open adoption?

Closed

10.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the toughest thing about it?

11.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the best thing about it?

12.) What has been the greatest lesson you've learned about the other side of the triad? (example: If you're an aMom, what have you learned about bMoms)

I will never forget taking my five year old from her birthmothers ares and birthmom telling me, "Thank You."

13.) Name your biggest pet peeve in the adoption world?

Foster to adopt programs where people fall in love and lose the child..... where foster parents think a newborn will be theirs only to be hurt two years later.

14.) If you are a birthmom, would you ever consider adopting a child? Why or why not?

15.) Are you satisfied with the adoption agency you placed/adopted through? Why or why not?

State adoption and other then being slow it was great

16.) Do you currently attend a support group or receive any counselling through an agency?

Attend Sdoption Support Groups for two different counties.

17.) Name a disappointment you've felt after placing/adopting:

No baby pictures

18.) Name a misconception people (family,strangers) have about you being an adoptive mom or birthmom or adoptee:

Asume our children were born drug addicted and will have problems. Assume that Birthmom was an addict.

19.) What books, magazines, websites, articles, links, etc ...have you found most helpful after placing/adopting?

20-things I wish my Adoptive parents knew.
And the Oregon Post Adoptive Resource Center

20.) Write anything you wish here:
Studies need to be done to understand the children of adopted people and the issues they face.

[Jupiter1701]

1.) How are you connected to adoption?
Adopted

2.) Do you do anything special to celebrate national adoption month (Nov.)?
Didn't know anything about it until I joined here.

3.) When growing up, did you know anyone connected to adoption?
Yes Another girl at Middle school was adopted.

4.) If you can remember, when did you first learn about adoption as a child?
Have always known

5.) In high school, did you know anyone who had a baby and placed?
No, I do remember A girl having an abortion, she was teased terribly.

4.) Anyone in your family, other than you, connected to adoption?
Yes another family member gave a baby up for Adoption, the same bmum adopted a child years later.

5.) When adopting or placing your child, did anyone say rude/ignorant comments? What were they? If you are an adoptee, have you received rude comments?
Adoptee=yes but not from family members, from kids at school.

6.) If you had to do things all over again with either placing your child or adopting, what things - small or large - would you do differently?
N/A

7.) How has placing/adopting your child changed you?
N/A

8.) How has your views changed on adoption since placing or adopting your child?
N/a

9.) Do you have a closed, semi-open, or fully open adoption?
Closed

10.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the toughest thing about it?
N/A


12.) What has been the greatest lesson you've learned about the other side of the triad? (example: If you're an aMom, what have you learned about bMoms)
I have come realize just how great my aparents are (I already new that, but even more so now, as for bparents, I'm glad that she went ahead with my birth.

13.) Name your biggest pet peeve in the adoption world?
stupid questions like "do you know who your real parents are"? of course I do, they adopted me.

14.) If you are a birthmom, would you ever consider adopting a child? Why or why not?

15.) Are you satisfied with the adoption agency you placed/adopted through? Why or why not?
Don't know anything

16.) Do you currently attend a support group or receive any counselling through an agency?
No

17.) Name a disappointment you've felt after placing/adopting:

18.) Name a misconception people (family,strangers) have about you being an adoptive mom or birthmom or adoptee:
That we are all depressed

19.) What books, magazines, websites, articles, links, etc ...have you found most helpful after placing/adopting?
Here

20.) Write anything you wish here:
Doughnuts

[BrandyHagz]

1.)How are you connected to adoption?

I am a reunited and rejected adoptee, a birthmom in an open adoption, and a soon to be adoptive mom.

2.) Do you do anything special to celebrate national adoption month (Nov.)?

I don’t have any big plans for the month. Send a few cards, eat a Wendy’s, celebrate my anniversary, birthday and my sons birthday

3.) When growing up, did you know anyone connected to adoption?

Yes, aside from myself, my adoptive parents “real child” had a friend who had an older brother that was adopted.

4.) If you can remember, when did you first learn about adoption as a child?

I don’t remember not knowing about adoption. It was a constant thing in my life…I was constantly reminded of my roll in the family as the “adopted kid”

5.) In high school, did you know anyone who had a baby and placed?

I went to a very small school, in a very small town, in rural Texas. When a teenager became pregnant, they parented their child…and it wasn’t a big deal. I went to school with a few moms, but no birthmoms, that I am aware of.

4.) Anyone in your family, other than you, connected to adoption?

My adoptive mother placed twins for adoption fourteen years before I was adopted. She never talked about, and never even told anyone in our family until I uncovered it in my own search this past summer.

5.) When adopting or placing your child, did anyone say rude/ignorant comments? What were they? If you are an adoptee, have you received rude comments?

The one thing that stands out about my pregnancy and the subsequent placement of my daughter is once when I was at the Doctors office for a final visit before delivery. Her adoptive mom was there with me, we were discussing when the best time would be to induce, when the nurse walked by carrying an arm load of those free diaper bag/formula sampler things by Simalac. The Dr. hollered at the nurse and said, “Hey, give me one of those for Brandy.” And the nurse responded rather snottily “But she’s BFA!” Like I wouldn’t be able to figure out what in the heck that meant, I was MAD. The Dr. yelled at her, but still, it stung. I don’t think I have ever received any outside rude comments about my own adoption…most of the nasty things said to me about my adoption were made by family members and siblings in my adoptive family.

6.) If you had to do things all over again with either placing your child or adopting, what things - small or large - would you do differently?

The only thing I would have done different regarding my daughters placement, would be DEMAND help with my living expenses. My daughters adoption cost her parents well over thirty thousand dollars. The agency paid for none of my living expenses, clothing, or medical expenses. I was told I had to get on Medicaid or pay for them out of pocket. In the end, I was forced to quit my job and be evicted from my apartment in order to get medical care…when I contacted them about my now homeless situation, I was told my only options would be a shelter or move in with a relative. I lived for 4 months with my abusive adoptive mom, because I had nowhere else to go.

The adoption and the adoptive parents were great! Because of their precarious situation, they were unable to voice to much of an opinion about my case…but after the placement and finalization, they did write a long letter, and so did I, regarding my treatment…neither of us got a response.

7.) How has placing/adopting your child changed you?

I’m not sure that its changed me a whole lot. I know that I am more aware of adoption issues now that I am involved in adoption in more ways that one. Other than that…I feel like I am still the same person I was then…only slightly older.

8.) How has your views changed on adoption since placing or adopting your child?

I had a very bad adoptive family. I was abused and neglected for my entire childhood and adolescence. My adoptive parents went on to have a biological child, and I was really nothing more than a bad dream after that. As far as I was concerned, adoption was hell. Growing up, I thought that NO one should ever have to live thru adoption…I had known one other adoptee, and he was in a similar situation as me. He also had a pretty hard life, and was the only adopted child of three children in the home. So, when I found myself pregnant, I decided that it wasn’t adoption that was bad, it was the adoptive parents inability to love an adopted child equally. So, when I placed my daughter, I placed her in a home where biological children would never be an option.

Since then, I’ve learned thru adoption education, that it isn’t the lack of blood relativity that is the issue, it’s the parent. Some parents just can’t handle adoption, and everything that it entails. Some parents just aren’t cut out to be adoptive parents…slowly but surely, my opinion of adoption has changed.

9.) Do you have a closed, semi-open, or fully open adoption?

My own adoption would be considered a semi-open adoption. My adoptive parents knew my birthmom, and I met her when I was around 10. I did have a semi-close relationship with my birthmoms parents for a few years…but that didn’t last to long.

I have a fully open relationship with my daughter and her parents. We talk daily, either via email or the phone. We get together as often as we can, but since we all have moved over the years, its hard to get together like we did when we lived close. For the first few years, we got together a few times a week, and attended the same church. We have a pretty close and unique relationship, we are all so lucky!

10.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the toughest thing about it?

I can honestly say, that the hardest thing about my open adoption was when I strapped her into her car seat the day we all left the hospital. Other than that, I have to admit, it’s gone very well. I couldn’t have picked better parents for her!

11.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the best thing about it?

Having a wonderful relationship with my daughter, and gaining a best friend in her adoptive mom.

12.) What has been the greatest lesson you've learned about the other side of the triad? (example: If you're an aMom, what have you learned about bMoms)

No ones perfect. I think that’s the biggest thing. I spent a lot of time thinking that I was substandard because I was single and pregnant again. When I first med C & S, I thought they were a picture perfect couple. It took them no time at all to point out there imperfections and make me feel welcome and at home.


13.) Name your biggest pet peeve in the adoption world?

I have to answer this from the reunited and rejected adoptee perspective. I think my biggest thing is the mentality that all birthmoms are these loving and caring women who were victimized and forced to place their child for adoption. That all birthmoms are readily sitting by the phone waiting for the call from their long lost child so they can feel complete.


14.) If you are a birthmom, would you ever consider adopting a child? Why or why not?

I am in the process of being licensed to adopt a waiting child domestically thru the foster system.

15.) Are you satisfied with the adoption agency you placed/adopted through? Why or why not?

See answer number six. Flat out, no. Neither myself or my daughters parents are happy with the treatment/services I was offered, given the fee they were required to pay.

16.) Do you currently attend a support group or receive any counseling through an agency?

No, I don’t attend support groups; I am, however, a member of a few online email based support lists.

17.) Name a disappointment you've felt after placing/adopting:

This is kinda hard. I think in my daughter’s adoption, its everything I could have asked for. We are all very close, and talk regularly.

As for my own adoption…I can say that my one big disappointment was the fact that back in the seventies and before, it was so easy to falsify information. Birthfathers were no required to relinquish their rights if the birthmother claimed to not know him. Its come a long way…I am so glad my daughter will never have the unanswered questions that I had.

18.) Name a misconception people (family,strangers) have about you being an adoptive mom or birthmom or adoptee:

As a birthmom, I’d have to say it’s that I am/was easy and/or irresponsible. I was already parenting one child when I found myself pregnant with my daughter. I can count on my left hand the number of people who actually asked me about my pregnancy and my decision to place.

As an adoptee, I’d have to say that it was/is that my adoptive parents were so wonderful to take in a child that wasn’t theirs. Of course, these people never knew my whole story…but still…that’s the stupidest thing I have ever heard LOL.

19.) What books, magazines, websites, articles, links, etc ...have you found most helpful after placing/adopting?

I am an active member of the forums here at Adoption.com, and an active member of several email based support groups…I don’t read a lot of other publications, because there aren’t a whole lot of them that would touch on subjects that I deal with, I don’t think.

20.) Write anything you wish here:

I don’t have anything else to share at this time. Thank you for posting the questions.

[MKLady]

1.) How are you connected to adoption? I am a birthmother.

2.) Do you do anything special to celebrate national adoption month (Nov.)? In the past I have spoken as part of a panel of birthmothers at an adoption conference held each year.

3.) When growing up, did you know anyone connected to adoption? No, I did not.

4.) If you can remember, when did you first learn about adoption as a child? I would say at 15 when I was pregnant with my daughter, I looked in the yellow pages for abortion, adoption was on the same page.

5.) In high school, did you know anyone who had a baby and placed? I learned of one girl, but it was after I had already placed my daughter for adoption.

4.) Anyone in your family, other than you, connected to adoption?
No
5.) When adopting or placing your child, did anyone say rude/ignorant comments? What were they? If you are an adoptee, have you received rude comments? I can recall my mother telling a couple of her friends that I had had a baby(my mom did not know I was pregnant until 1 week before I delivered) I would be standing right there in the room and they would say how awful it was for my mom, that she must feel such a loss. I must have been invisible to them all!

6.) If you had to do things all over again with either placing your child or adopting, what things - small or large - would you do differently? Personally, I don't think I could survive doing it again. If I had to, first and foremost I would receive counseling immediately. Maybe it could have saved years of anger and guilt. The circumstances sorrounding placement of my daughter were quite complicated, so I would have changed most of it.

7.) How has placing/adopting your child changed you? I am blessed with a son and am praying everday for another child. I have learned to cherish every possible moment with my son, even the times that some parents might take for granted. On a negative note, I have had a difficult time letting my son go with family or friends on day trips or overnight. I think mostly it was a trust factor. He is 3yrs old now and I have worked through those fears.

8.) How has your views changed on adoption since placing or adopting your child? I am not sure if they have changed. I would have to put more thought into that question.

9.) Do you have a closed, semi-open, or fully open adoption? I suppose it is semi-open. I chose the adoptive parents. I recieve a letter and a few pictures once a year. I only know that Meaghan is in NJ.

10.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the toughest thing about it? When Meaghan was an infant I always wondered if I would know her if I saw her. She is now going on 15yrs. old. As much as I cherish my letters and pictures, I think I miss her even more when I see how beautiful she is! I have also encountered a few letters where I totally disagree with the adiptive parents beliefs on certain situations, and I know that there is absolutely nothing I can say about it.

11.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the best thing about it? Having the chance to "watch" my daughter grow up, atleast through photos has been a blessing. I know she is safe and happy.

12.) What has been the greatest lesson you've learned about the other side of the triad? (example: If you're an aMom, what have you learned about bMoms)I've learned that an adoptive mom can love my child just as much as I can.

13.) Name your biggest pet peeve in the adoption world? I am not sure.

14.) If you are a birthmom, would you ever consider adopting a child? Why or why not? Absolutely

15.) Are you satisfied with the adoption agency you placed/adopted through? Why or why not? Yes, they have treated me very well over the years. though there has recently been a contradiction re: something I was told 15 yrs. ago.

16.) Do you currently attend a support group or receive any counselling through an agency? There currently are no birthmom support groups in my area, I would love to start one but do not know how.

17.) Name a disappointment you've felt after placing/adopting:I'm disappointed in the people who "classify " me in a negative way. Luckily, it's been few. I am also amazed at how ignorant people can be regarding my feelings.

18.) Name a misconception people (family,strangers) have about you being an adoptive mom or birthmom or adoptee: That just because I placed my daughter for adoption I stopped loving her and thinking about her on a daily basis. They don't understand the hurt and the guilt.

19.) What books, magazines, websites, articles, links, etc ...have you found most helpful after placing/adopting? The only book I've ever read on adoption is Dear Birthmother. This is also the first website I've joined.

20.) Write anything you wish here: Meaghan, I love you and miss you. I pray each day that you grow up to be the strong and loving girl that I know you are.

[vixta]

1. I'm a birthmother

2. Nah

3. Nope

4. Mentioned in a school assembly when i was 12

5. Nope

6. Erm, no again

7. Well, slut, cow, bad mother and 'spawn of satan' just about covers it. Also 'What about when you change your mind?' and 'You'll feel differently when you a. Give birth, b. See him, c. Take him home and look after him for a year...'

8. No, i am proud of my actions

9. I've grown up a lot and have realised that i am a very strong person.

10. Not very much - i've become more aware

11. Closed with yearly contact letters

12 & 13 Not Applicable

14. That even if the majority is against it, you need to do what you know is right

15. The people who think they know best, no matter what you say or do.

16. It totally depends upon the situation, right now, no.

17. Well, it was carried out by social services, but it was very good and i always had someone to talk to during the process.

18. No, it wan't really offered although my doctor did refer me to a psychiatric nurse due to my feelings of loss because of my familys attitudes

19. Well, my family thinking that i was 'just hormonal' and then deciding i was 'whore of the week' when i went through with my plan. They have pretty much disowned me.

20.That i didn't care, and that i only placed him because i couldn't be bothered to look after him.

21. Adoption Forums dot com

[hippiechick]

Here are my answers, for whatever they are worth:

1.) How are you connected to adoption? Birthmom

2.) Do you do anything special to celebrate national adoption month (Nov.)? Nope

3.) When growing up, did you know anyone connected to adoption? Nope

4.) If you can remember, when did you first learn about adoption as a child? When my neighbor and friend moved out of her home (now I understand that CPS took her away from her family). I was first told about adoption when that little girl never came home (to her birthfamily)

5.) In high school, did you know anyone who had a baby and placed? Yes

4.) Anyone in your family, other than you, connected to adoption?
Yes, my aunt is a birthmother (though this was rarely discussed)...my brother-in-law is adopted

5.) When adopting or placing your child, did anyone say rude/ignorant comments? What were they? Most people were not rude...but I hated (and still hate) it when people say that you "gave you baby away." Some people were appauled at the idea of adoption, but the people I am closest to me were pretty cool.

6.) If you had to do things all over again with either placing your child or adopting, what things - small or large - would you do differently? I would have spent more time with my birthbabies after birth and before they went home from the hospital. I would have taken more pictures of us in the hospital. I would have spent more time w/ the aparents before birth.

7.) How has placing/adopting your child changed you? I cannot even begin to answer this in a few sentences! It's made me more sensitive to others...it has shown me how hard true love can be...I've learned all about unplanned pregnancy/adoption processes...I have felt grief deeper than I ever thought was possible...I have had more depression...I have great pride in my birthchildren...I reach out to others more...

8.) How has your views changed on adoption since placing or adopting your child?
I have learned what exactly adoption meant---that people who place babies for adoption most likely DO love their babies.

9.) Do you have a closed, semi-open, or fully open adoption? fully open

10.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the toughest thing about it?
When visiting my birthbabies, it has been toughest to walk away after visiting them.

11.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the best thing about it? That there are no secrets or mysteries for me, the aparents, and my children as they grow. My first baby died at 4 days old, so I never got to watch her grow up...it was important to me to get pictures so I can see them grow---so they didn't feel dead to me.

12.) What has been the greatest lesson you've learned about the other side of the triad?
I have learned sooo much about aparents! I have learned what it is like to go through wanting a baby to adoption for them---the undcertainty, anxiety, grief, and frustration they go through. (I also have learned how MANY people want to adopt!! When I placed my birthtwins, I thought it would be soo hard to find parents who were "willing to take one someone else's kids."

13.) Name your biggest pet peeve in the adoption world?
Birthmoms who blame everyone and everything for their problems and reasons for adoption...bitter, angry adoptees who label all adoption as bad b/c it didn't work out for them...aparents who think they are their child's Savior.

14.) If you are a birthmom, would you ever consider adopting a child? Why or why not? Well, I don't want anymore kids...but yeah, if I ever raise another child, I think I would rather become a foster mother and possibly adopt an older child, since there are no enough homes for older kids. I don't think I would adopt an infant through an agency.

15.) Are you satisfied with the adoption agency you placed/adopted through? Why or why not?
Didn't go through an agency

16.) Do you currently attend a support group or receive any counselling through an agency? Currently, no

17.) Name a disappointment you've felt after placing/adopting:
How people don't consider you a parent as a birthparent. We, too, have made a very serious decision in a parental role.

18.) Name a misconception people (family,strangers) have about you being an adoptive mom or birthmom or adoptee: That I didn't love my babies...that my babies were taken from me by CPS...people assume that aparents "steal" babies or are infertile (not all are)...they assume that adoptees have identity crises.

19.) What books, magazines, websites, articles, links, etc ...have you found most helpful after placing/adopting? Books: Ones about bmom grief, other adoption stories, and babies (so I could track my btwin's probable development). Websites: this site's forums and chat. Mary Moller's website about mental wellness---www.psychiatricwellness.com.

20.) Write anything you wish here:
I am a proud, proud mama of all 4 of my children---my 2 adopted ones (adopted out)...my one in another place (heaven?)...my one in my arms.

[logged_in]

1.) How are you connected to adoption? Birthmom

2.) Do you do anything special to celebrate national adoption month (Nov.)?
No, my sons birthday is in november tho.

3.) When growing up, did you know anyone connected to adoption?
Yes..my best friend is adopted.

4.) If you can remember, when did you first learn about adoption as a child?
I never knew really anything about it, till I met my best friend.

5.) In high school, did you know anyone who had a baby and placed? Nope

4.) Anyone in your family, other than you, connected to adoption? My uncle was put up for adoption when he was 5..he was the 10th kid to be born and my grandma could not afford to feed him.

5.) When adopting or placing your child, did anyone say rude/ignorant comments? What were they? If you are an adoptee, have you received rude comments?
I had a nurse in the hospital tell me "don't worry god forgives you" and i got really mad at the fact that she could say that. Being forgiven means to me that I did something wrong....that I thought was rude..I started crying (as if leaving without my son wasn't hard enough) and a social worker from C.A.S told me she thought that I should bring my son home with me..and I got kinda mad, since it really was none of her buisness.

6.) If you had to do things all over again with either placing your child or adopting, what things - small or large - would you do differently? I
would not of put him up for adoption. Other than that, everything would of been done the same.

7.) How has placing/adopting your child changed you?
I think it made me more mature, and I now realise that there are more important things in life then myself. I learned how to unconditionally love someone.

8.) How has your views changed on adoption since placing or adopting your child?
I think adoption is a wonderfull thing, I always have.

9.) Do you have a closed, semi-open, or fully open adoption?
Open

10.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the toughest thing about it? Seeing the love in my sons eyes for his adoptive mother and not for me. Also when I visit and he is scared of me...it hurts.

11.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the best thing about it? Getting to see my son grow..seeing how much he is loved.

12.) What has been the greatest lesson you've learned about the other side of the triad? (example: If you're an aMom, what have you learned about bMoms)
I have learned that even tho I went through lots of heartache putting my son up for adoption, his amom went through many miscarriages and pain as well....so we have a common ground already.

13.) Name your biggest pet peeve in the adoption world?
People who think adoptoin is an easy way out. I am sure it is for some people..but that is not a fair stereotype for all adoption situations.

14.) If you are a birthmom, would you ever consider adopting a child? Why or why not? I would prefer to have my own children..the bond is instant..if I could not have any children (god forbid) then I would turn to adoptoin, and I would want ti to be an open one.

15.) Are you satisfied with the adoption agency you placed/adopted through? Why or why not? Yes...My laywer is a womderfull caring women, she helped me more than anyone else in my time of need. We still talk..... everything was explained clearly, and she took all the time i needed to answer all my questions and to get to know me.

16.) Do you currently attend a support group or receive any counselling through an agency? No, I am trying to find a good chat site for bmoms....having a hard time tho.

17.) Name a disappointment you've felt after placing/adopting: My adoption not being as open as I had thought it would be.

18.) Name a misconception people (family,strangers) have about you being an adoptive mom or birthmom or adoptee:
That because I put my child up for adoption, people assume that C.A.S took my child, which was not the case at all.

19.) What books, magazines, websites, articles, links, etc ...have you found most helpful after placing/adopting? lifemother..great site....and a chat site on yahoo for birthmother is helpfull also.

20.) Write anything you wish here:blue

[Brwneyedgrl321]

1.) How are you connected to adoption?
Birthmom

2.) Do you do anything special to celebrate national adoption month (Nov.)?
No never knew about it.

3.) When growing up, did you know anyone connected to adoption?
Nope

4.) If you can remember, when did you first learn about adoption as a child?
When my siblings tryed to convence one of my sisters that she was adopted and when my family adopted an elderly lady as a grandma from our church.

5.) In high school, did you know anyone who had a baby and placed?
Nope

4.) Anyone in your family, other than you, connected to adoption?
Nope

5.) When adopting or placing your child, did anyone say rude/ignorant comments? What were they? If you are an adoptee, have you received rude comments?
At the hospital when I was delievering my birthdaught one of the nurses said "not another teen pregnancy". Also I had two people who I thought were friends at the time said that when the sprem donor was stead on his feet that he would go to court and take my birthdaught from her family because he is a natural parent and that children belong with at least one natural parent.

6.) If you had to do things all over again with either placing your child or adopting, what things - small or large - would you do differently?
I would have gotten rid of the two people who I thought were my friends sooner and I would have stopped working or got a new job.

7.) How has placing/adopting your child changed you?
I'm more mature

8.) How has your views changed on adoption since placing or adopting your child?
That adoption is not all happiness.

9.) Do you have a closed, semi-open, or fully open adoption?
Semi-closed. I get a letter once a year on her birthday.

10.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the toughest thing about it?

11.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the best thing about it?

12.) What has been the greatest lesson you've learned about the other side of the triad? (example: If you're an aMom, what have you learned about bMoms)
I have learned that AParents go through a lot just to get a child.

13.) Name your biggest pet peeve in the adoption world?
All the steroe typing.

14.) If you are a birthmom, would you ever consider adopting a child? Why or why not?
Yes, because when I was younger I all way waiting to adopted two children from a poor country.

15.) Are you satisfied with the adoption agency you placed/adopted through? Why or why not?
Yes very happy with the agency. I still go there and say hi to the staff who I know.

16.) Do you currently attend a support group or receive any counselling through an agency?
No, I don't feel like I need it anymore.

17.) Name a disappointment you've felt after placing/adopting:
That I didn't write more during the first year when I could have writen all I wanted.

18.) Name a misconception people (family,strangers) have about you being an adoptive mom or birthmom or adoptee:
That I don't want to talk about my birthdaughter.

19.) What books, magazines, websites, articles, links, etc ...have you found most helpful after placing/adopting?
This website.

20.) Write anything you wish here:

Brown eyes

[sspete]

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1.) How are you connected to adoption? Birth Mom

2.) Do you do anything special to celebrate national adoption month (Nov.)? No

3.) When growing up, did you know anyone connected to adoption? No

4.) If you can remember, when did you first learn about adoption as a child? Moses In the Bible....Must have been about 6

5.) In high school, did you know anyone who had a baby and placed? No

4.) Anyone in your family, other than you, connected to adoption? I considered my whole family connected to my babies adoption.

5.) When adopting or placing your child, did anyone say rude/ignorant comments? What were they? If you are an adoptee, have you received rude comments? The doctor who delivered my bdaughter told me to quit my crying (from the pain of labor).....I was in the "REAL" world now!!! This doc delievered me!!!!! He was my mom's doctor!!!

6.) If you had to do things all over again with either placing your child or adopting, what things - small or large - would you do differently? I would have an open adoption.

7.) How has placing/adopting your child changed you? Many, Many ways!!! I am very strong and can wheather ANY storm!!! That was the ultimate pain!!!!

8.) How has your views changed on adoption since placing or adopting your child? Still think it is a wonderful choice for ladies who need crisis pregnancy help!!!

9.) Do you have a closed, semi-open, or fully open adoption? closed....recently reunited (YEA)!!!!

10.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the toughest thing about it? N/A

11.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the best thing about it?N/A

12.) What has been the greatest lesson you've learned about the other side of the triad? (example: If you're an aMom, what have you learned about bMoms) That we are ALL human!!!!

13.) Name your biggest pet peeve in the adoption world? Secrets and Lies.

14.) If you are a birthmom, would you ever consider adopting a child? Why or why not? Yes!!! I am however not going to have anymore children!!! My hands are FULL!!!

15.) Are you satisfied with the adoption agency you placed/adopted through? Why or why not?
Yes, It was private done through my Church. Everything was handled wonderfully.
16.) Do you currently attend a support group or receive any counselling through an agency? No

17.) Name a disappointment you've felt after placing/adopting: I grieved for my precious daughter!!!

18.) Name a misconception people (family,strangers) have about you being an adoptive mom or birthmom or adoptee: Some don't understand how I could have put my child up for adoption. They think I should have raised her!!!

19.) What books, magazines, websites, articles, links, etc ...have you found most helpful after placing/adopting? This Web Site

20.) Write anything you wish here: Adoption is not for everyone!!! There is a lot of pain involved and many hearts get broken. It does however give some children a chance in life that they NEVER could have had otherwise.....Blessings to EVERYONE within the triad!!!!



Staci

[May]

1.) How are you connected to adoption? I'm a birthmom in a semi-open adoption

2.) Do you do anything special to celebrate national adoption month (Nov.)? Not really... I go shopping for my daughter's Christmas/Birthday gifts, but I would be doing that anyway.

3.) When growing up, did you know anyone connected to adoption? I had a really good friend who was adopted.. it was an international adoption, and he didn't know anything about his birth parents except his original name

4.) If you can remember, when did you first learn about adoption as a child? When I had that friend, Josh.. so that was around 3rd grade.

5.) In high school, did you know anyone who had a baby and placed? Other than me? hehe.. yeah, one other girl, who I was never really friends with until after we both placed. It gave us a common bond.

4.) Anyone in your family, other than you, connected to adoption? Not that I can think of.

5.) When adopting or placing your child, did anyone say rude/ignorant comments? What were they? If you are an adoptee, have you received rude comments? The only rude comments were encouragement from the father and my grandmother to have an abortion even when they knew that wasn't something I was considering. There were rumors about me at school, but that was just pregnancy-related, nothing to do with my adoption decision.

6.) If you had to do things all over again with either placing your child or adopting, what things - small or large - would you do differently? I'd take the time to find an agency that did open adoptions... but then again, I wouldn't have found the parents I chose at a different agency. I like to think that every little decision worked to bring me where I am, and I'm happy here, so I wouldn't change a thing.

7.) How has placing/adopting your child changed you? Losing a child is something that changes anyone forever... I have a hard time pinning things down, but I'm definitely a different person. More cynical than I used to be, and I was always pretty bad. I have trouble feeling happy for couples that adopt because I know there's a woman on the other side who's torn apart because she can't raise her child.

8.) How has your views changed on adoption since placing or adopting your child? I realize now how much pain placing can cause... I think of it kind of like organ transplants (hear me out, lol)... someone gets a life-enriching gift, but another family loses a loved one.

9.) Do you have a closed, semi-open, or fully open adoption? Semi-open

10.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the toughest thing about it?

11.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the best thing about it?

12.) What has been the greatest lesson you've learned about the other side of the triad? (example: If you're an aMom, what have you learned about bMoms) I've learned that amoms are much more accepting and open-minded about bmoms than the average person is. They tend to try to understand at least a little about my situation.

13.) Name your biggest pet peeve in the adoption world? Agencies who don't warn bmoms about all the pain adoption can cause, and are only worried about making a profit

14.) If you are a birthmom, would you ever consider adopting a child? Why or why not? Yes, if I couldn't have children. I see how much adoptive parents love their children, and how easily that bond is formed, and I think I'd know what to say to the birthmom better than others might.

15.) Are you satisfied with the adoption agency you placed/adopted through? Why or why not? Yes! They're wonderful people... adoption isn't the only service they offer, so they aren't just trying to pry babies away from their moms... they offer so much assistance to anyone considering placing, and they were all so helpful to me.

16.) Do you currently attend a support group or receive any counselling through an agency? No.

17.) Name a disappointment you've felt after placing/adopting: I'm now in a wonderful and stable relationship, and I feel disappointed that the man I'm with couldn't have come along sooner and raised her with me.

18.) Name a misconception people (family,strangers) have about you being an adoptive mom or birthmom or adoptee: Many still think that birthmoms never know anything about their children, so they're amazed when I bring out pictures or tell them how much she weighs and her favorite activities.

19.) What books, magazines, websites, articles, links, etc ...have you found most helpful after placing/adopting? These forums are great.

[billysmommy]

1.) How are you connected to adoption? Amom

2.) Do you do anything special to celebrate national adoption month (Nov.)? Last year I spoke at my daughter's school - this year we moved

3.) When growing up, did you know anyone connected to adoption? My sister was adopted

4.) If you can remember, when did you first learn about adoption as a child? I do not remember a specific sit down talk - it was just something that was talked about openly

5.) In high school, did you know anyone who had a baby and placed? No

4.) Anyone in your family, other than you, connected to adoption?
My cousin has 3 adopted children, My great aunt has 2 adopted grandchildren

5.) When adopting or placing your child, did anyone say rude/ignorant comments? What were they? If you are an adoptee, have you received rude comments? When we told a friend that we would be naming our son after my husband, she asked "wouldn't you want to save the name in case you have a real son?"

6.) If you had to do things all over again with either placing your child or adopting, what things - small or large - would you do differently?I would ask for joint counseling with the bparents. I would ask more specific questions regarding medical history. I would try to think more rationally, as opposed to emotionally.

7.) How has placing/adopting your child changed you? I have become a much better person, in every aspect of my life. I am much more patient and understanding.

8.) How has your views changed on adoption since placing or adopting your child? I have gained the utmost respect for bparents

9.) Do you have a closed, semi-open, or fully open adoption? fully open

10.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the toughest thing about it? The fact that vital health (mental) information was withheld from us about bmom, making the contact difficult.

11.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the best thing about it? Having answers to questions about my son's personality, looks etc.

12.) What has been the greatest lesson you've learned about the other side of the triad? (example: If you're an aMom, what have you learned about bMoms) That a bmom's pain may subside, but it never completely leaves.

13.) Name your biggest pet peeve in the adoption world? The ignorance of those who are not connected to adoption

14.) If you are a birthmom, would you ever consider adopting a child? Why or why not? N/A

15.) Are you satisfied with the adoption agency you placed/adopted through? Why or why not? Ours was a private adoption. I wish our attorney had been more sympathetic to the emotions involved.

16.) Do you currently attend a support group or receive any counselling through an agency? Online support groups

17.) Name a disappointment you've felt after placing/adopting:

18.) Name a misconception people (family,strangers) have about you being an adoptive mom or birthmom or adoptee:

19.) What books, magazines, websites, articles, links, etc ...have you found most helpful after placing/adopting? Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother

20.) Write anything you wish here: My son is truly the sunshine in my life

[HeavensGifts]

1.) How are you connected to adoption?

Sibling to two adoptee's, adoptive mom of three

2.) Do you do anything special to celebrate national adoption month (Nov.)?

I am speaking at a Crisis Pregnancy Bngt. about Adoption

3.) When growing up, did you know anyone connected to adoption?

Myself and my brothers!!There was also a boy in my class in High School that had an adopted sibling.

4.) If you can remember, when did you first learn about adoption as a child?

When my family and I went to the adoption agency to meet my brother - We were in a small room waiting for him to come in (he was 6 months old) and the worker was talking about maybe he would be our brother and how the judge would say yes or no.

5.) In high school, did you know anyone who had a baby and placed?

Nope -

4.) Anyone in your family, other than you, connected to adoption?

My parents adopted my brothers, then my husband has two adopted siblings and his grandfather was an adoptee also.

5.) When adopting or placing your child, did anyone say rude/ignorant comments? What were they? If you are an adoptee, have you received rude comments?

The hardest one for me was that someone said they thought God made it for us not to have children and we should accept that and not be parents again.

6.) If you had to do things all over again with either placing your child or adopting, what things - small or large - would you do differently?

In adopting a child the only thing I would change were the professionals involved in one of them - other then that it has been a decent expierence.

7.) How has placing/adopting your child changed you?

It has changed my whole life direction. At one point in my life after buirring our second I thought I would not be a mom and then we decided to adopt to bring a family together. Then after we adopted our first seeing there was such a need for adoptive home for Black American children lead me to starting a business in adoption and now we have adopted two more children.

8.) How has your views changed on adoption since placing or adopting your child?

My views are that to many people see adoption as a money making venture be it high priced facilitators, agencies, attonreys or pregnant women who have scammed for money - I have learnt you have to watch and be carefull.

9.) Do you have a closed, semi-open, or fully open adoption?

1 full open - 1 semi open because of a falling out and 1 semi open sence birth per birthparents request.

10.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the toughest thing about it?

Probably having our families understand why we would allow the woman that gave birth to her stay in our home - they would ask "aren't you affraid she will take her"

11.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the best thing about it?

Sharing the wonderful things our child does with the woman that allowed us to parent her. Just having that relationship with her - never having to wonder how we would find her if the child had questions.

12.) What has been the greatest lesson you've learned about the other side of the triad? (example: If you're an aMom, what have you learned about bMoms)

That they can go on with their lives and that adoption hasn't set them in a life of depression and termoile.

13.) Name your biggest pet peeve in the adoption world?

the money issues - what some agencies and attonreys charge and exspectant parents getting their bills paid for months before the baby is born.

14.) If you are a birthmom, would you ever consider adopting a child? Why or why not?

N/A

15.) Are you satisfied with the adoption agency you placed/adopted through? Why or why not?

The second one - no - they weren't disclosing all information and they took long with some things with no explaination.

16.) Do you currently attend a support group or receive any counselling through an agency?

No

17.) Name a disappointment you've felt after placing/adopting:

Finding that open adoption does not work in all situations, as hard as you might try.

18.) Name a misconception people (family,strangers) have about you being an adoptive mom or birthmom or adoptee:

That I am not "real" - LOL - I shoudl say that I am not the kids real mom!!

19.) What books, magazines, websites, articles, links, etc ...have you found most helpful after placing/adopting?

I love to read about success stories in like Woman World - and things like that. I think getting on these sites and reading about how adotion REALLY is would have helped alot also.

20.) Write anything you wish here:

I am so thankful to all three of our birthfamilies for the lives they have given to their children through adoption. We so treasure each child for who they are and the way they have touched our lives!! Thanks for letting me share and good thread!!