[Laura1973]

Has there ever been a point in your life that you did NOT want to have contact with your child/children?

[lisasmom2]

NEVER!!!

[pjinokeechobee]

I am a bmom and I can say for me there hasn't been 1 day in the last 21years I haven't wanted contact with my bdaughter. It has been the most difficult things I have ever dealt with! I will always want to have contact with her but I will not push anything I want her to be comfortable and in charge of any contact made. I lost her once I don't want to loose her again.

[Dragonfly82]

No

[Arruniel]

Yes, I have. It has been something I have struggled with. Seeing her is one thing, but seeing her with new parents and then going home all alone knowing that they are taking my daughter with them is quite another. The latter is what I face every year. Emotions are never wrong, but actions can be. I'd like to say forget all and try to pretend that the other 364 days of my life are all I have to deal with, but I haven't and I won't. Anyyway, I could never forget my daughter. I still love her and I still miss her. And it still tears me up inside that she's not living with me. But I want and the reality of the matter are quite seperate things and I need to learn to deal with the way things are before the stress kills me.

It's not so much that I do not want to see her as I do not want to walk away again.

Arruniel

[Jackiejdajda]

Some birth mothers are put in the hero role.. Far too much is expected of them.

Jackie

[FROG93]

Laura, Yes, right after placement I was not ready for any information. But, I'm still not sure if it was because "I" didn't want it, or if it was because I was scared that I would put more fear on the family. I know many aparents fear the bparents will want to take the child back. I did not want them to think that of me. But, I was definitely ready by the time she was about 6 months old. Hope this helps.

[hippiechick]

Yes, there has been times when I did not want any contact with my birthchildren. I have never had a time where I thought or wanted this desire for no contact to last forever.

But there have been times when I have not wanted contact for awhile and there have been times when I wanted less contact.

[Carol Bird]

Since the day I said good bye to her in the hospital, through 32 years of wondering, worrying and longing, I never at any time felt I didn't want to see my daughter.

I lived with the hope of reunion one day.
Hugs, Carol Bird

http://home.bellsouth.net/personalpa...rthparentPlace

[Bluey]

I have never avoided contact with my baby, however, I go out of my way not to inconvience her family. I dont ask for letters or visits, I wait for her parents to reccomend it. We agreed semi-open would work for us and I dont want to make things more diffcult. I hope one day they will open up to me, but it is not my decision to make

[Free_to_be_me]

There has NEVER been a time where I even considered cutting off contact with my birthdaughter permenantly. There have been days that I wasn't doing well and didn't want to talk to her or her family but I have felt the same about pretty much every other person I have ever known. Sometimes I just did not want to talk to my parents or my brother or my best friend. My solution has always been to give myself a little time.

Usually, the reason I would want a little space from my birthdaughter is because I need to deal with my emotions because I don't want her to feel responsible for them.

[cszilard]

I gave my son up for adoption 13 years ago... At the beginning i wanted contact.. For 2 years i was getting pictures in the mail every 6 month. It seemed I would go on a roller coaster ride every time I recieved then pictures. I finally contacted the agency and asked if they could stop sending me pictures... It has been 10 years since i ended contact. The agency I went through no longer exists and I have no way to contact.. I cant change what is done nor dwell on my desicion. At the time it was best for me to forget... I dont regret giving my son up for adoption. Soon I hope to be reuntied until that day I will live my days knowing i did the right thing..... I wish all you the best of luck.. It does get easier , counseling helped me a great deal.

[dkb60]

My reunion happened when birth daughter was 25 and I think that was perfectly timed. There would have been times in my life that I would have probably refused contact for a whole bunch of reasons. When it did happen it was a good time for me, dh and my kids. Some one smarter than me was watching out for all of us.
D.

[Melissa Fonseca]

I am an adoptee and I think that you should contact your kids after they are 18 years old because you put her or him in this world and you don't know if they are alright or you put them in a hell hole.

[Arruniel42]

I am an adoptee and I think that you should contact your kids after they are 18 years old because you put her or him in this world and you don't know if they are alright or you put them in a hell hole.

I thought this topic was about emotion, i. e., what the birthmothers wanted or did not want, instead of what the birthmothers should or shouldn't do.

By the way, I have an open adoption. I see my daughter every year.

Even if she was in bad situation I could do no more about it than a passer-by on the street. At most I could tell the agency, the police, and C. P. S. As far as the law where I live is concerned, I am not a member of her family. All of my legal connections to her have been severed. The law here doesn't care that she was not taken from me by force, but that instead I gave her up of my own free will without even taking her home once. It does not matter why she was adopted, just that she is. Legally, I may as well be dead.

It tears me up that I can't protect her, but, I gave her up. She has new parents now. What should I care, right? If they hurt her, they are her parents, so they have every right.

I gave her up. I signed away my parental rights. I have no right.

But I still care. And that is my own misfortune.

Arruniel