[SoulWhisper]

Shirleyville and Becka,
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Quote:
I am wondering if those of you that relinquished a child during the "closed adoption era", if things had been different then and the agencies told you the adoptee's original birth certificate would be released to the adoptee at 18 or 21 with your name on it, if that would have altered your decision in any way?

Would knowing your child would have access to your name (unless you filed to NOT have it released) when they reached adulthood have changed your decision? Is anonymity a large factor in the decision?
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Becka,

My situation is a bit different in that I relinquished initially after tremendous pressure, manipulation and decption. This was in the 70's. Shortly therafter, within weeks, I filed an appeal to overturn my relinquishment, well within my legal limits before the adoption had become final.
After 2 long years of legal STALL tactics and numerous studies of all concerned, I withdrew my appeal to prevent my son from having to be torn in two. He was attached to people whom he viewed as his parents and I didn't have the heart to tear him away from that.

In answer to your first question, no, it didn't apply to my situation. In answer to your second question, I had that "open or closed file" option and left it open with photographs, my sons hospital bracelet, and contact information. I never wanted anonyimity and still don't.

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Quote
"those who relinquished freely don't usually join support groups, or post to forums like this. They were happy with the decisions they made, and continue to BE happy with them now.
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This statement is true to a point. No, that type of birthmother does not normally seek out support of any kind. But not all are necessarily "happy" with the decisions they made.

My birthmom is from the "OLD school" where you make your bed and just lie in it. Where shame is a huge factor and secrets are the rule. No, they don't seek support but sometimes because they are stuck in thinking they have no right. The old school is engrained, you do it , you live with it, accept it and thats it. That was the case with my birthmom whom by the way I call "mom" today.


Love

[BABSNVA52]

Shirley, I apologize if I upset you. I didn't feel as though I was making a Blanket statement , I did say that I knew of a few birthmothers that had no interest in meeting their birthchildren.
Guess I was just thinking of the way I felt and knowing that I myself had no choice.

Barbara

[silverqueenbee]

Thank you to all birthmothers who have shared and continue to share your stories. As an adoptee myself, recently having met my birthmom, Denise, many of the insights you all have shared have been reflected in what she has shared with me and my relinquishment back in 1970. She is someone that I think has overcome feeling like a victim, and she takes responsibility for her actions, but acknowledges that there were forces--Dept. of Social Services, her parents--that strongly encouraged the adoption.

After talking with her and understanding that she would have been happy to have me have information, I wondered if it was true of other bmoms from that time. For you adoptees and bmoms that feel that way, let's all try to make our collective realities known--that adoptees today SHOULD have access to their birth certificates and information when they reach an age of majority. There is a petition right now that you can sign to make your view heard. Let me know if you are interested by sending me a PM...Maybe we CAN affect change if we come together and say this is our reality NOW!! Those outside adoption don't know unless those of us inside tell them.

Thanks again to all who shared and continue to share your stories...Becka

[Carol Bird]

If the lawyer had even hinted that information would be released to my daughter when she turned 21, I would have been delighted. My life would have been much happier and I would have done a lot of things differently.

But, in 1954 that was not even considered by those who designed adoptions. I had to wait 32 years!

My daughter and I were reunited almost 18 years ago, and she has given me two beautiful granddaughters who have shared their growing up years with Grandma Carol.

The past is past, Thank God. These 17+ years of having my daughter, son in law and grandangels in my life have been heaven sent.

Hugs, Carol Bird

[shannismile13]

i never even heard of open adoption when i gave my son up for adoption or i would have done that....it feels like a piece of me is missing and i have put my name on everything single thing i could find for my birth son to find me....i wish i knew where he was for the past 17 years and the way ohio law is he cant probate the court to unseal the records until he is 21....i hope we find each other soon.....