[FathersHeart]

I was a birth father 28 years ago. I still haven't completely gotten over the adoption of my daughter. Are there others here who would like to share their stories?

Maybe we could help each other.

[claudia456]

It sure would be nice to hear from B-fathers more often, I am an adult adoptee who reunited with my b-dad and am now 26, we've known each other for a little more than 2 years. and I struggle with developing a relationship with him all the time, it's so different than with b-mom, I can't understand all the distance he puts between us, and why he only shows up for important events. Do B-fathers even have feelings towards children they gave up? Do they want relationships? Are they afraid of opening up?
Where are all of you B-fathers????
Join in and participate!!!!

[katamy]

Hi, I'm a birth mom that was reunited with my birthdaughter 3 years ago, and reunited with the birth father 1 year ago.
I found out that Donny (the birthdad) had always thought of me and our daughter. We plan to marry soon. The wierd thing is that my daughter and I had a good post reunion relationship. We saw each other every few months and emailed daily.
since I have been back together with her birthday, She has almost completely dropped all contact. I havent seen her in a year. He wants to meet her so bad. But if I email her and tell her, she doesn't respond.
What do you suppose is her fear? Is it because her original parents are back together? She seemed happy about it in the beginning, she was very happy for me. both Donny and I are so confused, any opinions?

[pob1218]

I AM A BIRTHFATHER WHO WAS CONTACTED (JULY 2003) BY PHONE FROM A WOMAN WHO ASKED ME SEVERAL QUESTIONS REGARDING WHERE I WAS FROM, WHERE I WENT TO SCHOOL, DID I KNOW "MARY SMITH" (NOT REAL NAME) AND A FEW OTHER QUESTIONS. I KNEW AFTER A FEW QUESTIONS WHAT THE PHONE CALL WAS ABOUT - IN 1968 SHE GOT PREGNANT, I WAS TOLD NEVER TO COME AROUND OR I WOULD BE "SHOT" AND THAT WAS BASICALLY THE LAST TIME I HEARD ANYTHING UNTIL 7/2003. AT THE TIME I WAS 18 AND SHE WAS 16, HER PARENTS TOOK HER TO CANADA, SHE HAD THE BABY AND HE WAS GIVEN UP FOR ADOPTION.

I CONTACTED THE BIRTH MOTHER, SHE STRUGGLED FOR SOMETIME, WE MET TWO WEEKS AGO. SHE CAN'T REMEMBER THE BIRTHDATE, ONLY THAT HE WAS BORN IN TORONTO, THEY MADE A TRIP TO OHIO, SHE SIGNED PAPERS AND HE WAS ADOPTED.

I WANT TO FIND HIM, MY FAMILY IS BEHIND ME 100% AND THE BIRTHMOTHER TOLD ME LAST WEEK THAT SHE DOES NOT OBJECT TO MY SEARCHING.

QUESTION: WHERE DO I BEGIN? I DO NOT KNOW IF BIRTHFATHERS HAVE ANY "RIGHTS", HAVE SEEN ADVERTISEMENTS FOR AGENCY'S THAT WILL "HELP" BUT NOT SURE WHO CAN BE TRUSTED.

IF YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS PLEASE LET ME KNOW.

[Richard Justin]

I am a birth father. I searched for and found my son about three years ago. Our reunion fulfilled a life-long goal and made me whole! My son expressed that hearing the story of his "beginnings" has had a positive effect on his life. We share many interests and have done a number of things together, but we don't try to be each other's family. He has parents, I have kids, we have a friendly relationship. It's more than I deserve, and I acdept it as a gift in my life.

I also contacted the birth mother when I was preparing to search. Her reaction to me was cordial but cool. She did give me some helpful information, but later was quite angry at me for actually going through with a search. The good news is that even though she wanted no further contact with me, she did decide to have her own reunion with our son, so he now has both birth parents in his life.

I've been participating in these forums since last January, and I'm glad to see a recent increase in participation by birth fathers. pob1218, please keep us posted or continue to ask questions. All the time and effort that goes into a search is worth it when you get to meet your son!

Rich

[weaselfred]

I am the birthfather of a nearly 20 year old young man. Although we have yet to reunite, he is a major part of my being. He enters my thoughts on a regular basis and I look forward to a time when we can form a relationship. I'm not sure what our relationship will look like, but know that he has parents and that I can't really be his parent. In some ways I would want to be a parent figure, but I'm realistic enough to know that it would not be good for me to use our future relationship as a way to recover everything that I have lost. I hope that he has had a happy childhood (this is not a given) and that he is developing into a compassionate adult (again, not a given).

I, like many others, would like to hear more from birthfathers.

[biodadnow]

I found out by mail last year two days after Christmas that I had a son 32 yr. old. he decided to contact me after being reunited with his birth Mom for over 12 years. I was astounded as I was told once after a one time date that the birth Mom was pregnant but never heard anything again untill then. After contact with my family about it and then the birth Mom and then my son I decided that Genes are thicker than water and I wanted more than ever to get to know him. Testing was done which turned out positive but I knew after our first conversation that it was true, I was his father. Having only one girl he was asked to and attended her High School graduation and we spent a wonerful few days together. Now after many calls and emails and letters he has decided on his own to move across the country to get to know me and my family. We have always wanted a son but never would have thought that the Lord would make one appear full grown and wanting to be with us. His 1st birthday was 3 weeks ago for us and now he is hear asleep from the long trip in the other room. Lord I will love this man and direct and guide him with all the love and energy that my parents pursued in their family obligations and love toward me and I hope any Bdads reading this will open their hearts to the family love you were born with and the courage to be a good man whatever the cost.
A new life starts in the morning for me and my loved ones and I'll be ready and willing for the opportunity for the challenge, adventure and excitement.

[allabouthorses]

pob 1218,

You most certainly DO have the right to search for your child. Don't let anyone tell you that you don't! Unfortunately, if your son's birth mother didn't name you as his father, it may prove to be difficult. If she is willing, you may need her to help in the search because her name will be on the adoption papers. This wouldn't mean that she would have to meet your son when he is found.

Keep posting in all the "search" forums here and you'll get some leads for sure!

[dl]

Agree with allabouthorses ~ you are a bioParent. You have every right to search for your biochild.

I have been exchanging letters and pictures with my bioDad since last spring. It was great to finally look at a picture of someone that I look like!

Do you know if the adoption took place in Canada or in Ohio? Thesearchguru has posted helpful searching resources by state and country and if you answer I'll post them here for you.

Also agree with Richard Justin ~ I'm happy to see a few more bioDads have joined the forum and I hope the trend continues.

[jennfeeney]

i am a 27 year old adoptee. 2 years ago i tried to search for my birthparents. i only searched for my birthmom and was told she did not want contact. the agency discouraged me from trying to find my birth father because, in their opinion, he cared very little and only showed up to sign the papers. They thought it would be a waste of time. Now i'm starting to wonder. he would be 48 or 49 by now. surely more grown up then the 21 year old college kid who signed the papers. any thoughts?

[xarmyboy]

I am a birthfather who as a 19 year old gave up a son 20 years ago this month. I met the birthmother, who was from Nova Scotia, in Edmonton. I searched on and off for her and her brother by contacting ppl with the same last name all over Nova Scotia but had no luck. This past September I searched on the internet for my bson and within a week I was having lunch with the bmom who happens to live quite close to me in Ontario. Small world. Since then I have seached daily on the internet but to no avail. I have also requested a search by the Nova Scotia government but they are currently still working on requests from 2000. In the meantime I will continue searching and hoping.

I was adopted when I was 2 yrs old so I know what it is like to be curious about your birthparents. I hope to find my bson for his curiosity as well as mine. I hope to be his friend and to find out that he has had a good life because after all we made the decision to have him adopted for his own benefit. His bmom and I were much too young to handle raising a child properly. I never even told my parents about the baby until a month or so ago and ironically they said that they would have raised him. That would have saved myself and the bmom 20+ years of wondering and worrying.

Anyways, I am confident that if I perservere in my search that I will eventually find him and reunite with a positive outcome.

[briandnic]

I think it is awesome that a father is looking. I am an adult adoptee and would like more than anything to meet my father. In my heart I actually feel like I would be closer with my father than my mother. I wish more fathers would be searching and I support you all the way! Good job and good luck!