[Janeece]

I have been reading these posts and now I am really worried about what I have done! I have possibly found my B/F. I sent him a letter 3 days ago and now I am not sure if I did the right thing. I thought sending a letter would be better than calling him and putting him or one of his family members on the spot. See, he and my B/M were dating back in 1966, they broke up and she found out she was pregnant about 3 months later. She also found out in the meantime he married someone else! Her friend did tell him she was pregnant but he made no effort to contact her or anything. He has never made any attempt to find her or find out about her baby. My B/M and I found eachother about 7 years ago and we have a great relationship. She has helped me to find him now. I am so worried I should not have sent the letter! I do not want to ruin his life or the life of his family, I just want to have all the peices of this puzzle put together. I have no idea if he has told his family about me or for that matter about my B/M. I feel like I am being selfish about wanting to know him. I have great A/parents and a great husband and children. I have no issues whatsoever about being adopted. So many things are going through my mind now. Just wanted to vent my frustrations. Thanks to whomever reads this post. If anyone has any advice, please to let me know what you all think!
Peace Love and Happiness............

J

[vicrose]

Janeece, You are not being selfish with wanting to know your birthfather, and sending that letter was the first step. You have already sent the letter, so there's just the waiting game now, to see if he responds. As adoptees we are always trying not to step on someone's toes, always trying to keep peace...and in the process, we are hurting inside. You took a bold move by sending that letter, and I'm sure it was a good move, because you did not send this letter with hatred in your heart, you sent it with love in your heart...you just want to know some answers, and possibly have a relationship. Good Luck, let us know if you bio-dad writes or calls you back....Sincerely, Brenda....

[sspete]

Janeece--I would not feel bad about writing the letter to your bfather, after all I do believe it is your right to contact him if you feel the need. I know that it can be very unnerving to have to wait for a reply. I hope for you that he replies back to you soon. Anytime you are going into a reunion situation it is very important to be ready for anything. Please keep us updated on his response--You will be in my prayers!

[sal]

Janeece.....I know what you are feeling. I sent a letter to my bdad about a year ago after establishing a good relationship with my bmom. I too worried about "upsetting" his life....but decided that it was MY right to know my medical history and have some closure in this. He did call me several days after receiving the letter, was cordial and somewhat informative. We did meet last summer once.....but I think that will probably be the extent of our interactions with each other unless I run into him by accident -he lives in the same city as my birthsister(about a block away actually). My feelings were that he finally take some responsibility for his behavior and do the right thing for ME. A strange thing for me to be thinking considering I've always been so careful not to rock the boat before. I'm glad that I did contact him....a little disappointed that he doesn't seem to want to get to know me.....but knowing that is better than knowing nothing at all.....good luck....keep us posted........sal

[tlee70]

Hi Janice
I just wanted to let you know that I wrote my b/f a letter and sent it to him on the weekend as well. I have been going through all the same emotions that you have. I am worried what his response will be, if any. I thought it through for a long time though, and writing a letter seemed the best thing for ME to do. It also gives him the opportunity to think about it for awhile, doesn't put him on the spot.
I was born in 1970 and just recently found him too. I know how you feel about being unsure. I can definately tell you, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL! I think that he will probably recieve the letter today or tomorrow.
I have been having feelings of insecurity too, having second thoughts, but what's done is done.


T